"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
We are Safe and Supported in More Ways than We can Possibly Understand.
Have you ever wondered if our hyper-connected world is actually making us more disconnected from what truly matters? In this profoundly human conversation, host Dom L'Amour sits down with musician Jacob Zengerling to explore the spaces between digital noise and genuine human connection.
The pair navigate through deceptively simple questions with far-reaching implications: Why do we cling to arbitrary New Year's resolutions when ancient civilizations followed natural cycles? How have corporations created endless consumption loops that benefit few while harming many? And most importantly, how might focusing on our personal growth create ripple effects that transform communities?
"The more that we can get our own personal selves to a life that we want, we set that example for the world," Jacob reflects, offering a perspective that shifts responsibility from external systems to internal development. This becomes the conversation's throughline as they examine everything from minimum wage stagnation to the beauty of locally-sourced economies they've witnessed abroad.
What emerges is a thoughtful examination of modern living that doesn't shy away from difficult truths. Dom and Jacob acknowledge the challenges of navigating social interactions, misreading signals, and responding to negativity with compassion rather than confrontation. "Hurt people hurt people," Jacob notes, suggesting our response to hostility might best be understanding rather than escalation.
The conversation takes unexpected turns into practical wisdom, from Jacob's fascinating discovery of traditional incense ceremonies that profoundly regulate the nervous system to Dom's reflections on finding musical community. Their exchange culminates in Jacob's powerful affirmation that "we are safe and supported in more ways than we could possibly understand" – a perspective that offers comfort in uncertain times.
Whether you're questioning your relationship with consumer culture, seeking deeper connections, or simply looking for permission to prioritize self-work, this episode provides both comforting validation and gentle challenges to conventional thinking. Listen now and join the conversation about creating meaning in a distracted world.
Opening quote by Jim Rohn
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol.1 and Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
Featured song is "Baby You" From the album "Sweet Dreams" by Dom L'Amour Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at
These are more important, these one-on-one conversations, because I'm sure you know by now that social media is just an echo chamber. You can spread out as many opinions as you want, but you're going to be subdued by everyone else's opinions and everything else that's going on, all the ads and all the reels and everything. So it's just like no, I think the most important thing is just keep doing. What we're doing is having these human-to-human moments, having these conversations and also, just, most importantly, working on ourselves. Moments having these conversations and also, just, most importantly, working on ourselves, because the more that we can get our own personal selves to a life that we want, we set that example for the world to go you can do this too.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here. My name is Dom L'Amour and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode, I speak with my guy, jacob Zingerling, about moving into the new year, self-work, the state of our society and so much more. Life in business is like the changing seasons. You cannot change the seasons, but you can change yourself. Therein lies the opportunity to live an extraordinary life, the opportunity to change yourself. The year has already started off, I think, fantastic. Last year was another one of those years where I felt very positive about the beginning of it, but by the end this is the weirdest thing how you can feel a certain way just because it's the end of the year and then the next year it's like a whole different feeling For you. Do you even approach New Year's with any special juice or anything? Because I've been trying to avoid making it a big deal. I just want to continue the mission that I'm on the year before into the next. How are you approaching that?
Speaker 1:I feel like it is kind of in the programming to just when the new year's comes, you automatically kind of have like resolutions and goals and stuff that you want to work towards, but they're really nothing new from anything I've been working on the past couple of years, like I mean, my intentions for this year was to travel and play music outside of St Louis, more, yeah, and that's exactly how I started the year off. So I guess it's going good you know.
Speaker 1:But then if you get into the, you know, if you get into, like, the spiritual community, lots of people are like the new year it doesn't really start in january, it actually starts during the uh, spring equinox, I believe. Okay, and so. So then there's all these theories too about, like you know, the reason why your new year's resolutions don't work is because you don't even. You only start them at the, the beginning of the real new year. You know, this is the, the fake new year some people would call it. You know that's real interesting.
Speaker 2:why would you? I would love to know more about that. Do you, do you have any more information on why? That is the idea like of where it, where it starts? Because I've I've heard so many things about you know the stars, alignment and ancient civilizations using astrology and different things to move the world forward like they did, and then we kind of just got away from it.
Speaker 2:And I feel like that is happening not only commercial things like New Year's Eve, but also like in general, like I was reading a book, braden Sweetgrass, last year and she was talking about the connection that they had with the vegetables, where they would grow some vegetables but they would leave some vegetables so that the animals can get it but also so that they can replant the next year. And they always felt like if you take too much, it ruins nature. But for sure you see Americans overdoing everything constantly for profit and it eliminates the whole spiritual nature element of it. I'm just curious on why they would say one place is where it really starts and what about? That area changes everything for New Year's today.
Speaker 1:Oh man, you know, it's like, I feel like we could get into it and it'll start to sound conspiratorial, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's usually how it happens.
Speaker 1:I don't know enough about it really to speak on too much other than just like what I've heard from certain things. And it seems, like you know, we have the winter solstice, the spring equinox, the autumn equinox seem to be points in time and nature where things actually do change, like days start to get shorter, days start to get longer at certain points in time, and so it would appear that if you were actually going with, like, the rhythm of nature, then it would make more sense to start cycles on the equinoxes or the solstices instead of, like, I mean, january 1st. There's really nothing going on Like from a from a nature point of view other than we've just decided. January 1st is the beginning of the year, you know, but that is something that comes about from my understanding of like ancient I believe that was like ancient Greek or ancient Roman culture.
Speaker 2:More likely one of those two, because that's usually where most of our norms started. There are, you know, Egyptians, of course, but like the people who tell the story, the ones who kind of kept guiding us in the direction that we ended up in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so somehow we got onto the 12 months and this is something that was kind of, from my understanding, brought about from the mayan calendar, that we used to live in a 13 month moon cycle, and then supposedly the greeks or the romans, whichever got rid of the 13th moon for some reason. I don't know. I imagine it has something to do with control. And then, yeah, now we find ourselves in this 12 month cycle. You know when in the history there used to be a time when it was 13 months in a year?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like that's something that I mean in the history. There used to be a bunch of books in the Bible that never are mentioned. Now they act like it was just. This is exactly how it's supposed to be, but there was so much extra information and so many other people who felt like they had a word to say in that situation.
Speaker 2:I always quote Hamilton, where you know history has its eyes on you in a sense of like who will tell your story? I always took that away from that play because it's very, very interesting to think about where our life is and how it will be told, if we pass away or if someone finds my journal a thousand years from now, how they would look at me as a person of significance or not significant. How will they talk about me after I'm gone? And when it comes to the things that we hold near and dear, someone with power at one point was like you know what? I don't think we need all of these books in the Bible. I don't think we need 13 months. I think we should change the time an hour back at this time of the year just because and we do that and we don't really ask too many questions on why. No, we're too busy being entertained to ask questions.
Speaker 2:Indeed indeed.
Speaker 1:Being entertained and buying stuff. To piggyback off your earlier point about we're getting to this point where we're buying so much, netflix just released a really interesting documentary called Buy Now. It's about this concept of like the cycles of corporations just constantly making stuff and making stuff and no one makes anything to last anymore. You know, you think about. It used to take like what? Like a year or two before the new iPhone came out. Now what are we getting? Like two iPhones a year all of a sudden.
Speaker 1:Now you know it's just like it's speeding up more and more. And so this documentary is really eye-opening because it's showing on a physical scale like here's a city and here's how much stuff is being produced. It is literally taking the city over and that's how much trash these corporations are making. And it's very interesting because I think we're getting to a point where we have to start holding these corporations accountable, because the corporate way it doesn't seem to make any sense.
Speaker 1:There's no end point, like I mean, I remember having a conversation with one of my old bosses back when I was kind of working in the corporate field and environments and stuff, and he was kind of telling me this whole thing and he's like you know, imagine, like your business makes $5 million this year, so in order for you to be a successful business next year, you have to make $6 million. If you just make $5 million the next year, in the corporate eyes you're not a successful business anymore. But to me that's freaking absurd because it's like how much money do you need when there's people that are walking around? I've heard some people be like, well, I have $7 million, I don't know what to do with. And it's like why do you still need more money, then why are you operating this business to be like? Well, we need to make more money and more money, and more money, and produce more things to make more money. And it's just like the snake eating its own tail it never just seems to never end.
Speaker 2:And the funny thing about that is when you talk to someone with that much money, I mean it's kind of like the old the song more money, more problems where it's like people pretend like you don't understand how hard it is to have this much money, how much other stuff I have to pay for because I have this much money. And it's like I hear that and I'm like if I had a thousand dollars today, you know what I'm saying that would be a significant difference in what I do and how much I save and this and that. And people create this illusion that they aren't really holding on to this money. That's why they need more money, but really their own money, without touching the money. That's what they're doing, that's what they're constantly doing, and they try to put this illusion out that they are making more money because they don't have the money that you think they have.
Speaker 2:You see that they made this much money or they're worth this much money, but that money isn't liquid. It's this I got to do, that, I got to do this. It's like we see things right in our face and we continue to let it happen and it makes us just really feel like we have no power whatsoever. And you see little moments like the guy who murdered the CEO and people rally around him and everyone's like why would they rally around someone so terrible? But then we turn around and talk about just how difficult life is. These insurance companies are taking so much money from us. How are you not seeing the negative stuff that's happening on that side as well? No one should be murdered, but no one should be surprised why that person was murdered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean, I think it's safe to say we're coming to a boiling point as a society.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The way that we've been living up until this point. We're clearly starting to see on so many levels it's not working. You know, I mean you look at the environment, you look at the economical landscape, just look at your friends, you know that are like grinding day in and day out just so they can have a roof over their head and eat some food. You know, and it's like, yeah, I have seen the more money, more problems thing. I've watched people go from being poor to making lots of money and their face physically changes like they do.
Speaker 1:But it's really I think it's a's a twofold thing too, because also more money, more comfort, and that's why they don't want to get rid of that money. You know, because it's, it's just another trap you fall into. You make more money, you buy more stuff. You buy more stuff. You need to make more money to maintain more stuff.
Speaker 1:You know yachts are expensive yeah, they are and they and it costs to maintain them. You know and imagine, once you get on a yacht it's probably hard to be like I'll just never be on a yacht again after that. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:It's like I don't want to take a cruise line. Now I know how to get on a yacht.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm guilty of that stuff. Being a musician, I get backstage treatment and all that kind of stuff. It's hard to go to another concert and be like damn, I'm, you know, I don't know where's, I don't get no free food or like whatever. So, like I can speak from my own point, like I'm not. I'm not rich in the sense of I have a lot of money, but I think, like being a musician, I'm rich in a different sense of like I do get other experiences that are comforting and nice, you know, and it and I, you know, once you reach a certain level of comfort, it's really hard to go backwards from that level, you know, and that's just maybe a human thing.
Speaker 2:I imagine it's a human thing, but the idea that there's so much unsaid information when it comes to our society. When it comes to our society, something that I feel like I've been screaming every time I get a chance to is the idea that minimum wage has been the same for so long but the inflation has gone up. So we're being expected to do more work and get extra jobs, but they aren't willing to pay us more and they're saying you don't deserve more, but they deserve more profit. That's the craziest part. It's like how is it constantly okay, another year of inflation and everyone complaining about inflation, complaining about grocery prices, complaining about gas, complaining about everything is too high, but we can't get a minimum wage, of all things up, and it's like, well, those people don't deserve it.
Speaker 2:Almost. You know, I have family members I have to listen to when I go home who try to tell me why do people who make my coffee need $15? And I'm looking at them like you used to work in service industry, you used to be in those rooms and in some ways you could say, well, they know what's going on in the inside and it's like, no, no person should go to work every day in this country and have to get another job because that one job won't pay them enough to live. Yeah, no one should have to do that oh yeah especially if they're working 40 hours a week.
Speaker 2:no corporation should be able to purposefully keep you at 39 and a half hours and then make you leave so they won't have to pay you a full salary or a full price. They shouldn't be able to do that, but they do it all the time and people have to just take it on the chin because we don't have the money or the power to even compete with these corporations. How is it that we consistently find moments in our society that we know are bullshit? We know insurance is fucking bullshit. We know that it's so infuriating how you pay all this money every month to feel more safe, but then, when something happens, they try to find every reason not to help you. Why am I paying you? Why is that not something that we've changed?
Speaker 1:Yeah, the great scam. Well, you know, I mean, you're right. You're right on the one. Maybe we don't have the money, but we do have the power, you know, because these corporations wouldn't work if we stopped participating. The thing is is we keep participating and I know it's a tough thing because we do get the money. But you know, it's something I've thought about a lot and I don't have an answer yet.
Speaker 1:Otherwise I probably would be off, you know, in the middle of nowhere with a group of people like Living Life, you know, in some other kind of way. But there is this we vote every day with where we spend our money and what corporations we give our money to because we keep them going. They make money because we spend money. Their corporations are alive and well because we're working for them and we're making sure everything goes. I imagine if everyone quit Amazon, jeff Bezos probably wouldn't be able to keep that shit going. There's no way he's going to be able to take all the orders, fill all the orders, drive all the orders to everyone's door and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:See, that's not the conflict, though. If everyone walked out of Amazon tomorrow, there would be thousands of people willing to go into that position. Yeah, and take that money, and maybe take less than the person who was already there, because they're desperate for opportunity and hopefully, when you hear a name like Amazon in the top position is opened up and you are qualified for it, you're going to shut up for anything and make that money. He doesn't have to. He's so rich and successful. If everyone left and it was because he was a racist, he still would find people that he could get in there to do all of that stuff for him and manipulate, and he'll be just sitting where he is sitting pretty Not worried, because I hear you saying I mean, it's the same thing with musicians, and why some music economies just don't do well is because there's always, always someone willing to undercut you.
Speaker 1:So then we have to figure out a way to make it to where you know what would be the thing that you could do to make someone not want to go and work, like, no matter what the money, no matter what the cost, and so, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm sure this is something bigger minds are working on. This stuff is definitely over my head, because you're talking about restructuring society in a whole. You know, I mean, it seems like, in a way, we probably have to move away from capitalism, but there's no easy way to do that, because that's what it is. I mean, the reason people are clocking in this job is because they're making money, and the money is what affords them their lifestyle. But if you didn't need to make money in order to have a good lifestyle, you probably wouldn't go work at Amazon. So it is coming to something that I think we're all moving towards as a society is a new way of living, a new way of being human and a new way of being with your community. And what does that mean? Because people are getting fed up. I talk to them every day. I'm sure you talk to them too. We see it, we see it all.
Speaker 2:I feel like, in a way, though, when I hear that, it's hard to believe. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Like cause. Yes, there is a lot of people talking, but there's a lot of more opportunity for you here to hear these people talk. Back in the day, you just watched the news and that was usually the only person you could hear complain on the news that one day you couldn't hear random people that live in your city. You didn't know how the people in your city because you couldn't see their faces pop up on Snapchat that they live near you or Instagram. The fact that we have so many platforms with so many people makes it so easy for us to hear the complainers, but there's a lot more people quiet than there are that are talking.
Speaker 2:I'm one of them. I don't get online and air out anything other than with the podcast. I come on here and do this, but I'm not on Instagram telling them what's really going on in my life. I'm not on Facebook telling them. I don't even get on X. I don't have a Snapchat anymore. I don't do any of that stuff anymore. So I'm constantly talking to my friends having these conversations on the pod or on the phone and I'm not pushing it out there. But you like hear what you said. I feel the way that you do. There's at least a million more people that feel the opposite of what we feel, that aren't saying anything about that, that we don't hear about, that we will never hear about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I agree with you. I don't air out my opinions and stuff on any of the social media either. I just use that to say, hey, if you want to see me play music here, it is, here's me playing music. If you want to see me in person playing music, here's my events. But no, I'm never going to put my opinions on.
Speaker 1:I think these are more important, these one-on-one conversations, because I'm sure you know by now that social media is just an echo chamber. You can put out as many opinions as you want, but you're going to be subdued by everyone else's opinions and everything else that's going on all the ads and all the reels and everything. So it's just like. No, I think the most important thing is just keep doing. What we're doing is having these human to human moments, having these conversations and also, just most importantly, working on ourselves, because the more that we can get our own personal selves to a life that we want, we set that example for the world to go. You can do this too.
Speaker 1:I think that's kind of one of the most important things and it's been a focus of mine for a while now is just like I can only control so much of my outer scope, you know, and it's like, and I could spend all my time and all my energy thinking about all that stuff. But what would happen if I just went within more and figured out how to boost myself up to my best ability? Then what kind of energy could I bring to my community then, when I finally have the energy and the resources to take care of myself as well as take care of other people? But I've been noticing it more on my own front is it's like, the more I work on myself, the more I see the world change around me, and so it does feel almost like we are living in the possibility of two different worlds right now.
Speaker 1:There's the one world where the techs take over and we just work these jobs and are in control our whole lives and own nothing and be happy, type of thing. Or there's this other reality where we build ourselves up, we build up our neighbors, we build up our community and we stop feeding the corporations and we start living basic lives again with the earth and with nature, and I think we're starting to see these like two realities unfold, and no reality is really better than the other. It's just what suits you and what makes you happy, cause that's, at the end of the day, I guess, what it's about. You know it's. It's our experience.
Speaker 2:Something that popped in my head when you were saying that there's this TV show based on a video game.
Speaker 1:Oh, with the zombies and the-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, pedro Pascal. And there's a moment when he's talking to his brother and they're in this compound and they're describing the life that they're living there, where everything is equal and everyone takes an equal share and everyone has a job and they communicate and they live peacefully in this community doing these things. And one of the characters is like oh, so it's kind of like communism. And one of the people who lived there was like absolutely not. No, we're not commies, what do you mean? He was like that's what communism is. You mean he was like that's what communism is and he like has this realization? Like oh, my, oh, my god, wow, something that makes my life so easy, something that makes it seem normal during all of these zombie things, is living this way.
Speaker 2:Yet I had this negative mentality about it because of the propaganda that I was fed when I was living another way, and it's like wow, those are the things that a lot of people would really want. I don't think there's a lot of people out there who would be opposed to living in a society where people look out for each other and actually are willing to pay everyone. You all get paid the same, we all going to make the same amount of money. I'm the boss and I'm going to make the same amount of money as you, two kind of thing. Now, just for people listening to this, I don't support any of those parties or stuff like that. I'm not a communist at all. I don't do any of that mess and I feel like I have to say this now because I very much did start talking like I was about to try to make it sound like I'm all about that. But I do see, especially when I travel, the way societies working together can be nicer if it wasn't based on the highest bidder or monopolies taking over one specific thing. You know we deal with that in America all the time and the government finds ways to try to stop it. Like with Albertsons and Kroger trying to merge. It's crazy to think that a mom and pop grocery store will have to shut down because a Walmart moves into that town.
Speaker 2:Why do you need a family-owned business? Why do you need farmers family owned business? Why do you need farmers selling vegetables directly to you and you can go to Walmart and get stuff from Mexico and get stuff from other places that you never could imagine and when you go somewhere like Ireland, like we only ate vegetables that were grown either on the island or that came like from Spain. But it didn't come from far. It was, it was from them. They made it the eggs that we from Spain. But it didn't come from far, it was from them. They made it the eggs that we ate at. I remember we was in this restaurant. The egg guy came in and delivered the eggs for that day and I remember seeing him bring them in and be like I wonder what that situation is. And the server came over and was like oh yeah, these eggs that you're eating today comes from a farm that's at least a mile away from here and we get all of our vegetables fresh vegetables, unless we have to get some imported. But we mostly stay here on the island and don't invest in anything other than our own people's economy.
Speaker 2:Think about that. Think about living in a community like you live in Maplewood and in Maplewood, everyone in Maplewood only bought stuff in Maplewood and purchased food that was grown outside or through Maplewood. And you need your jacket fixed up? You only get it fixed in Maplewood. You need shoes you buy it from the person who makes shoes in Maplewood. It's all specifically this one area working together to create an environment where they can look out for each other, support each other and the economy is based on them working with each other instead of random people buying stuff on Amazon. You know what I'm saying? That's the kind of shit that I'm like. We used to be like that in ways, but I feel like corporations found the key and there's nothing we really can do to change back to that. Unless you do it within your own little community, you know, like if you have your own compound of people and y'all make a vow to do it, that's. That's the only way it really works like that in this world now in America, you got a point.
Speaker 1:You know we were sold convenience and we fucking love convenience. I think it's at a point where, like, like you said, it's it's up to you to to make it in your community Cause, like I mean, just where I live right now, there's like two community gardens just right around me, you know, and so that's like there's people right there that are growing their food, giving it out to unhoused people and giving it to the community, and the community comes, people come from the neighborhood and help work on those gardens and stuff like that. Yeah, and I think it's one of those things where it could seem like it could never go back to that way, but I think it's one of those things where it kind of has to go back to that way, at least for some people.
Speaker 2:I'll change what I say. I don't think it's impossible. The thing I don't want to say is that I think the only way it'll happen is something horrible would have to happen. We would have to have some type of disaster, something like COVID. You saw what happened with COVID. That's level of threat or change in our life would have to happen for people to wise up.
Speaker 2:And even in that scenario, we saw people really either go even darker than they are now, find ways to try to rebel against what was going on around us, like we saw the negativity bleed into that as well, and it was so difficult.
Speaker 2:It was very difficult dealing with people during COVID. I feel like, when it comes to everything, you go to the grocery store and the people who don't care, who aren't wearing the mask and they're just breathing in face, or you know the people who do care too much and they're not willing to even engage with you whatsoever, even though you're doing the right things too. It just I feel like, no matter what, we're always going to have conflict like that, but something big would have to happen for us to actually get us in a place like that and it'd be working out, and then some propaganda, some misinformation would find its way back into our society and allow it to flip back to where it was. I feel like it's just a constant clock going around in a circle and the circle is always going to keep happening and that clock ain't stopping it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think you're right, it's cycles. We've seen it in history. There's always been points of periods where things have been peaceful, things have been booming, life has never been better, and then a plague hits and then that happens, but that was a catalyst for something even better to happen. So it's kind of like that universal law of opposition. We wouldn't know one without the other and things always have to keep moving. And in that movement, just like a roller coaster or a wave, you know, there's peaks and there's valleys.
Speaker 1:And I agree, I don't think that it would ever just always be good, as well as it's never always just going to be bad. And it seems like there's usually always points in parts of earth where, like, this part of earth is going great while this part of earth is not. So it's almost like, in a weird way, it is kind of like a balance. There's like this old twilight zone episode where, like, this guy dies and he, he goes to heaven, right, and his version of heaven is like a casino where he, he gets free food, he gets free drinks, he wins all the money, all the women go home with him every night freaking great he great, he loves it, right.
Speaker 1:He's just having the time of his life. He's like, oh my God, this is so great, right. And then flash forward to some amount of time who knows, could have been months, could have been years. You come to the guy and he's like, slumped over the slot machine and one of the waitresses comes over. He's like I win everything, I get all the free food. No one ever tells me no. Like I'm bored.
Speaker 2:I wish I would.
Speaker 1:I wish I would lose one time. You know, I wish someone would actually just like reject me. I wish that they would make me pay, for much medicine can turn to poison, you know. And so it is about that balance and I think that's just kind of for earth. What it what it is about is about learning. You know. It's about growth and experience, and you can't have growth and experience without a little friction, without a little conflict, without a little chaos. You know it's I hate to say it, but it is, it's somewhat necessary for experience and for growth I agree.
Speaker 2:Uh, let's go ahead and switch it up. I feel like we've, we went on to that and that was great, but it's like, oh man, I all right. Great example rick and morty. You know the tv TV show. I remember I binge watched that for a week or so and after, like I said, having so much of it, so constantly enjoying it, I started to really like there's no God and there's none of that. I'm just, I'm too smart to settle for any of that stuff. It doesn't matter. And so you start to hear that and you start to laugh and you hear it over and over and over. Then you get to a place where you're like nothing really matters, none of this is going to like. It's heartbreaking when I feel that way. It's heartbreaking when I think that way because I'm such a I want positive energy kind of person, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I want to believe that people are good and people want to be good. I want to believe that a society truly wants the best for everyone. But then you know, the things that I can't even imagine in my own life that I would do happens constantly. Things that I can't even imagine in my own life that I would do happens constantly. And you look at the people around you and you're like why is this happening? Why do you want this to happen? Why do we have to have this negativity? Why do we have to have this me against you attitude about everything? And it's consistent Everyone is constantly trying to find different ways to undermine someone else, when clearly, all they need to do is just work on them.
Speaker 2:I don't have to care what you're doing with your life. All I have to know is are you good? You good? Great. I'm good, too, because I've been working on me. What have you been doing to work on yourself? This Great. I'm good, too, because I've been working on me. What have you been doing to work on yourself? This, this, this, that Great. I've been working on this, this, that, that, not saying what have you been doing? Oh well, I wish I was doing that. No, it's not about comparing. It's not about trying to be that person or trying to be better morals and the things that I see as right and wrong versus other people. It really makes a lot of things difficult for me because some of this stuff is no-brainer to me. But then I'm like am I wrong for feeling like I know exactly what I would do in the scenario, but this person did something completely opposite? And it's a constant struggle to all right, nope, no comparison. You can't compare yourself anymore. This isn't about that. What?
Speaker 2:are you doing for you and keep it moving. We live in a very weird time for someone else on an individual level.
Speaker 1:there's no way we could ever possibly know what's right or what's wrong for someone Like how many times do you get something that you've wanted in your life? You're like, if I could just get that, then everything will be great.
Speaker 1:You know, I know, it'll be great, you know. And then you get that thing and after a while having it, you realize like dang, this didn't fix anything. Or like now I want this thing right. And then think about how many moments you've had in your life where something happened to you that you didn't want to happen to you. But when you really look back on that thing that you didn't want to happen to you, you look at everything that happened after that and you're thankful because you're like if that negative thing didn't happen to me, happen then, like I wouldn't be here now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, and so I think, especially when it comes to things happening here on earth, there are just like there's a bigger picture. There's things that I don't think we can comprehend with our human brain about what's really going on here, and so it can be so easy from our human minds to be like, well, I would have never, you know, drank that poison. Like that's just crazy. You're poisoning yourself yourself, like why would you do that? But for someone else, maybe part of their experience is they need to get poisoned. Yeah, you know, they need to know what that feels like. They need to have that experience and something is going to come to the other side of that, even if it kills them, like there's something about that, you know, as was it?
Speaker 1:Einstein said, matter can neither be created nor destroyed, right? So then, if you drink poison and you die, some people could look at that as it's a bad thing. But maybe in a universal setting, like that's some other part of like growth or experience that needs to happen for whatever reason. I can't explain because I can't comprehend this stuff, but I think it can get dangerous when we start to be the person that goes. This crowd of people shouldn't be doing that, because that's wrong, because that's wrong to who? That's wrong to you. But who are we to know what's wrong? Who are we to be the judges of what's wrong or right in this world when we can't even comprehend the full scale of what's really going on here?
Speaker 1:Yeah that's just hard, yeah, man, being a human's tricky dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so hard because you put yourself in this. I forget where I saw this, but they say silence is just as bad as saying something wrong If you're not defending people in certain scenarios and you're just quiet like in racism.
Speaker 2:If someone's being racist in your family and you just sit there and let them be racist, it's like you're part of the problem because you're silent. But in that same sense, like you said, there's a lot of things that we can't control in the world. We are just trying to make it to the next day. So sometimes you kind of got to take the lessons on the chin. Learn from them, say what you want to say sometimes, but even then maybe saying something isn't even necessary, because what good is going to come of you saying what's right in that scenario? How can you truly be the person to speak on this when you can't comprehend exactly what's going on? You just have feelings. I feel like I had something recently happen that way to me where I was really nervous about how people were going to be in a certain situation, when they were exactly how I thought they were going to be, and I really sucked and all I wanted to do was scream and shake these people. I wanted to just be like why are you like this? Why is this the way that you decided to do this? And the more I've been able to sit down and meditate and have some time in my space alone. You know, being able to go on my walks and do my stretches and breathing exercises and really find my zen. Helping me find my zen has helped me look at that moment. And hearing you say this actually, too, helped me look at those moments in that scenario where I'm like I want to just say something horrible, but I didn't say anything.
Speaker 2:Because I read a book last year and one of the big things was sometimes what needs to be said doesn't have to be said. Sometimes you just have to be quiet. So before you speak, think, think about what good is going to come from what you're going to say. In that scenario I was so upset but I was like if I say what I'm feeling, it's just going to come back on me. I'm the negative one, I'm always this, I'm always that. So what happens when you just don't do that? Everyone walks away from this, happy with you, but you're working on yourself and now I can look back on that and be like I mean it was a good thing I didn't say anything because I'm able to work through this myself, with my wife, with the people that surround me and learn from it for the future. If I'm in the scenario again how to properly maybe handle it, because in the next scenario, if it happens, I'll be able to say the things that I wasn't able to say then because I thought about it, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there's always that chance of you could have the perfect words to say in any, in any moment you know, but it's up to the other party if they want to hear that or not yeah you know as well, and so it always does become such a tricky thing when it comes to that stuff. I had a moment the other day. I was at this jam out in nashville. I had this big epiphany about the concept of like you ever heard the term someone's vibing you yeah and like, but it's in a negative way, right I don't know the negative.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yes, this is. This is something I've been I've been hearing a little bit more about. So if you're vibing with someone, that's good. If the party's a vibe, that's good yeah but I've heard now there's people that are kind of using the lingo like if someone's vibing you, it's like a negative scenario. It's like they're like, oh you know, he ain't nothing, like get him out of here, kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So, like, I had a couple of these experiences at the jam, where I thought someone was vibing me, you know, and I sat with it in my head because I was like man, did that really just happen the way I think I did? You know, like, did they really just like treat me like that, or am I kind of just like making this up and eventually I kind of like instead of like going? Because it's so interesting how my mind usually wants to immediately assume the negative thing. You know, like someone is vibing me or you know starting something or whatever. But like, I sat with that a little bit and was like what if it's not that way?
Speaker 1:You know what if maybe what's going on is like I have my own social awkwardness and I have my own social anxiety and my own insecurities and those are coming together with the other person's social awkwardness, anxiety, insecurities, and that comes off to me as like other vibe in me, but really it's just like two socially awkward people getting together, you know kind of thing. Because, like, eventually, like I talked with them again later on in the night and the whole scenario was different. It was like they're happy, they're like oh man, you sounded great, like this and that and all this stuff, and I was like oh that's so interesting, you know, and so it makes me wonder.
Speaker 2:So interesting, you know, and so it makes me wonder, like, how often people think that someone's in our society because we have so much information. It's like when you think you're sick and you go online and try to figure out what is having this symptom mean and the next thing you know you're on a down spiral because you think you have cancer. Now it's the too much information, too many cues from society. You're watching a girl on Instagram and she says if a guy says this to you, that means this. So then a guy says that and you're like, oh my God, they feel this way about me. But that girl has no idea what the fuck she's talking about. And so you see all of this information thrown in your way, you hear all of these things said to you about these things that you think that you're familiar with, and then, boom, you have this negative moment like that. I truly think it's just too much information.
Speaker 1:It's so wild how that stuff works, you know, and we can go to the extreme too, Like, let's say that you know for a fact that that person is vibing you. You know they're being mean to you, they don't like you, you know. So I think about that now too, because what, what's? There's that old saying that hurt people, hurt people.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I don't know. I had an epiphany about this a long time ago when, like, someone was yelling at me and it was just like something just clicked in my head and I was like, oh, this has nothing to do with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, actually this has everything to do with them, and then it allowed me to kind of sink into a place of like. I want to say like compassion for them, because it wasn't like I feel like empathy is when I kind of like dropped down to their level to like resonate with them, whereas compassion is I can be where I'm at and I can see them where they're at and be like hey, I feel for you. You know, like I can tell that you're really going through some hard stuff right now because you're lashing out at me and it's very unreasonable, you know, to my eyes, but to you it's totally rational, you know. And so it's just like I feel for those people that walk around. They're angry, you know, they're spreading hate. They're spreading all this because you got to think about the life that they're living. Clearly it's not a good life. People that are living a good life do not walk around spreading hate. I think about things from that aspect as well.
Speaker 2:The idea of simple-minded people talk about people but then strong-minded people talk about ideas and talk about things that they want to work on, goals or things that they look forward to. I agree, I think that's kind of the same thing. You see, these people who have nothing better to do to say the wildest shit about people for a reaction, and it affects people a lot. Yeah, we consistently find ourselves in positions where, I don't know, we're second guessing ourselves because we saw this or we heard this. It's hard to get out of that dark place.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because the other people that you speak to might not give you the right information either. No one really has the answers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's a tough thing because there's also what's true for me might not be true for you. I mean, shoot, we have different blood types. So it's like, maybe eating meat is great for me, but if I go on a vegetarian diet I'll die, whereas, like someone else, eating meat will like give them problems and being on a vegetarian diet will be great for them. So, like then you can clearly see, there's no one way for any of us, you know, and it's just about that's why it becomes ever again so important for us to figure out who we are you we are and what works for us, and the more that we can ground down into who we are, the more we can spread our gifts to the world.
Speaker 1:And then what would that world be like? Everyone could learn how to just regulate their nervous systems and have some time, be able to take some time for themselves to not be on the reels or distracted with anything. You know, like meditate a little bit, you know, even just for five minutes a day, just to like hear your thoughts and clear your thoughts and know that you're not your thoughts. You know, and and just like what would? I'm like a child leaving school.
Speaker 3:I want you to wrap me with the gold, just for you. My only goal is to love you, but more is there to choose. I choose you, I choose you. Baby, you, I choose you, baby, baby. You are the girl of my dreams, baby, you have a smile that just wings, and every time I see a girl I feel it on my knees. Darling, I hold you, squeeze you, tease you. Girl, why don't we slow it down? It's you and I. We're high as the moon now, and our starlit skies. I've never loved so, so deep, from your head down to your feet. Oh girl, I love you, love you. I love you Cause, baby, you Are the girl of my dreams.
Speaker 2:This is a throwback to when I used to live back in St Louis, Right before I moved to LA. This is me at Jacob's house. Actually, we were doing a demo for my first album. This tune is Baby you. You can actually listen to it on my album Sweet Dreams. It always makes me smile listening back on these. So I hope you enjoy the little snippet and if you want to listen to any of my other music or check me out for more information, just go to DomLamorecom. You can check out my music on all streaming platforms and support the brother man.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to do things big here. I hope you're enjoying the show. You know what I love. I love the band that I'm in. I'm in this wedding band called Big Bling and the Funk Machine and we gig so much and it's been really, really fulfilling doing this stuff. Tonight my bass player and drummer they have their own band that they work with. It's like a metal band and so I'm going to go see their concert tonight and it's just one of those things that I'm very thankful. I lived in LA and Chicago and back home in St Louis and I met so many musicians and I have great relationships with you. I have great relationships with great musicians, and to be able to continue to meet people and build relationships, that's a blessing. It's really something that I was nervous about. The older you get, the harder it is to make friends, and I really found some great friends throughout this experience with this band, so that's what I'm loving right now. How about you?
Speaker 1:Man, I love that for you, Dom Thanks for sharing that. Thanks. You know, there's so many things that I love right now.
Speaker 2:honestly, I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1:It's just like this past year and I feel like this year is just going to be so much good stuff going on. But I'm going to speak to what I love that I think will be a fun thing to share with you and your audience is incense. I really love incense and I'm not talking about like the sticks or the cones. I'm talking about like if you, or the cones. I'm talking about like if you can see it, this is frankincense right here. You know there's like 18 different kinds of frankincense in the world. This stuff is considered a psychotropic. If you burn this, it will change your state of mind into relaxation. It's crazy.
Speaker 1:So I met this guy shout out to John Lanius of Shihan Wellness, he's a Komodo, which is a Japanese incense ceremony master, and I went to my first incense journey. I guess it was like last year around Christmas, and in this journey we sat in a room and we smelled 10 different kinds of frankincense for two hours and we had a conversation about all the benefits of frankincense. But also, what was really profound for me is how I felt when I left that building. I was completely sober when I went into that place and I went into that journey and when I came out I was probably the most relaxed I've ever felt in my entire life, and that is because of incense, and I never, ever, thought, thought about that my entire life, like I've always, you know, liked incense growing up, but I've always had, like, the sticks and the cones. I never knew anything about resonated incense, you know. Yeah, and the very fact that this is a tool that anyone can use to help regulate your nervous system or even help, like, expand your consciousness in some kind of way, maybe help bring up memories, because, you know, our memories are attached to our sense of smell, our smell it kind of blows my mind to think about this, but like it's a part of your diet in a way. You know what you're smelling is what you're ingesting, and so incense is a thing that you can use in your daily routine to help regulate your nervous system, to help give you energy, focus, clarity, all different kinds of things, and I never knew that.
Speaker 1:So I've been working with the incense. Now, like you know, john got me hip to his sources and so I've been kind of growing my collection a little bit more. I got all these different kinds of fun incenses, everything like resins to woods and I've just been kind of having I've been inviting friends over lately and kind of have my own little instances, journeys, just because, like I got all these nice things, it's a shame for me to just sit in my room and smell them by myself, yeah, and so it's been really fun to share this with people and see how people are reacting to this and kind of just like spreading the awareness of like there's so many cool tools that we have to make this life great, and so that's what I'm really loving right now. I'm loving that and I'm loving being able to share that with people.
Speaker 2:I always love talking to you and catching up and I'm just so happy that you're in a good headspace and you're getting to do your thing, performing in Nashville and seeing new places. That's the dream, so of course, you know how it is at the end of the show. We've said everything we wanted to say. We've spoken through all of our topics. Last thing I want to know now is how do you feel.
Speaker 1:I feel really good and I just want to say, you know, to keep in the thing of good vibes I think something that's important to remember because it can be hard when times are tough is that we are safe and supported in more ways than we could possibly understand, and that's been a lesson that I've learned since Peru, and I've been living in that lesson for the past two and a half, three years now I don't even know how long it's been and it is a constant reminder. Like even you know, I've had lots of trials since Peru, lots of things that have been sad, that have been disappointing, but they've all led to better things, and so I think it's something that I just kind of want to share again for myself, also to you and to the audiences that we are safe and supported in more ways than we possibly understand. Cheers to you, man. Hey, cheers Dom.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. The opening quote. Credit goes to Jim Rohn and shout out to my guy, jake, for being on the podcast. Follow Jacob at Holistic underscore guitarist on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating. Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. If you like this episode, you should check out our previous episode we did, titled lessons from peru. It's a great listen. Check it out. Follow me at dom underscore l-a-m-o-u-r. On instagram or at domlamorecom. I'm Dom Lamore, much love.
