"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
Uncles, Boundaries, and Family Dynamics
"When kids draw to you, they see your heart." This simple but profound observation sets the tone for a rich conversation between Dom L’Amour and his best friend Chris Bates about what truly matters in our relationships with family, work, and ourselves.
The episode begins with Chris sharing his unexpected joy in working from home while raising his daughter Jaide. Rather than feeling the guilt that many parents experience when balancing careers and childcare, he's discovered a rhythm that allows him to be present throughout the day. "I've been able to create a routine where I don't have to overcompensate for time with my child, because I'm around her all day," Chris explains, challenging conventional notions about work-life separation.
This leads to a fascinating exploration of how our relationship with work fundamentally misaligns with human needs. With eight hours for work and eight for sleep, we're left scrambling to fit everything else into the remaining time. Is it any wonder that Chris and Dom have come to value random weekdays off more than traditional weekends? The freedom from crowds, the better service at restaurants, and the peace of enjoying experiences rather than just enduring them makes a compelling case for rethinking how we structure our time.
Perhaps the most thought-provoking segment emerges when the conversation shifts to family dynamics and boundary-setting. "Are you intertwining family with love? Because family and love are two different things," Chris observes, cutting through the obligatory nature of many family relationships. As we age and recognize patterns in how people treat us, the line between who deserves our time and energy naturally shifts, regardless of blood ties. This isn't about abandoning family but about establishing mutual respect within these relationships.
The episode closes with Chris reflecting on the pure joy of being "Uncle Chris" to his nieces and nephew. The genuine connection he feels when children choose to love him speaks to something we all crave – authentic relationships based on who we truly are rather than what we provide or represent.
Whether you're reassessing your work situation, navigating complex family dynamics, or simply trying to find more joy in everyday moments, this conversation offers both wisdom and permission to create boundaries that honor your authentic self. Listen now and join Dom and Chris in exploring what it means to be truly present in all aspects of life.
Opening quote: Christine Morgan
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "This Guys in love with you" Covered by Dom L'Amour and The Andrews at Lemon Bar in Chicago.
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
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When kids draw to you, they see your heart. Kids know who really love them and who really don't. And to have all my nieces and my nephew, my two nephews, just cling to me, it just do something to me, man. It just it, just it. Sometimes I just it bring tears, like sometimes to me, because I be like, oh man, I just just, I just love y'all so much, man, and I just, I just want to just enjoy every moment and I want to get better at it, as they you know they babies now. But I want to be the uncle to understand today. When they hit teenage years, be there. When they hit the adult year, be there. I just want to love them at each stage of their life, until I'm no longer here, no more, and that goes. You know, of course I'm gonna do that with jay, but you know, just to have that it's. I couldn't think of nothing better in the world.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, man, I just be like babies, I love you, ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here. My name is Dom LaMoure and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode I speak with friend of the show best friend of the show Chris Bates, about setting boundaries, being an uncle, thinking before speaking and so much more. Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. Doesn't make me mean selfish or uncaring, because I don't do things your way. I care about me too.
Speaker 2:You're back home, working. You've been moving and grooving and kind of getting in routine, having Jade along and being able to work from home, but then also having to take on the baby and then be a husband and keep all the routines and all of the different stuff moving and also create more traditions and then also having your time for yourself. How do you feel you are doing with your balance right now? Because you do have a lot on your plate now because of the baby and it's kind of adding a different element, I'm sure, to just the way you move through the world.
Speaker 1:How do you feel you're balancing that pretty well, I would say working from home probably makes it a little bit easier. I know people probably like I don't know how you work from home with, like a toddler but you don't overcompensate for time with your child because you're around her all day long. Yeah. So you know like when you do the typical eight to five, six to two, 30, whatever and you're gone from the house for a set amount of time, you feel like when you get home you like, oh, I got to make sure I spend time with the baby because I'm you've been going out of the household. You know you've been going out of the house because you're working With me, being in the house with her. Don't feel like I gotta like spend like, uh, just me and her an hour because I didn't see her all day. You know I see her all day. You know I wake her up in the morning, I get her dressed, I fix her breakfast. I feel like I spend quite a lot of quality time with her. So when I do say, hey, you, I'm just going to have my little me time or whatever, or the case, I don't feel as guilty because I am working from home or whatever. So that's been better.
Speaker 1:And then it got a little bit better too because she's getting a little older. So she has a routine now. You know she wake up breakfast like she independently plays now. So it's not just like a I got gotta be, like oh, I gotta hold her, I gotta do that she. She do her own thing. I just put her to sleep. She normally go to. She take a nap between 12 and like depends on how she feeling is usually either 12 to two, 30 or 12 to three. You know up and down, so that's a whole like two and a half hours. We at the crib. It's silent, we can get some work done. If we can get some work done, we can chill it. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:So it's been cool. I ask all this because I remember before you had to come back, like, from your maternity leave, you were kind of worried just about how's everything going to work, with you not being able to be as focused as you were back then, when you didn't have to worry about working, you could just be there with the kid, and also you were just not excited to not be able to spend as much time as you had been able to spend with Jade. So this is something that I'm curious how do you feel the way that you felt then is versus the way it is? Do you think some of the stuff you were afraid of actually didn't even matter? You were like, oh, I was worried about this and it didn't even happen.
Speaker 1:I think, personally, I mixed up me, not actually wanting to go back to that job, intertwined with what I'm doing as a father. You know, I said all those things because in my head I'm like I really don't want to go back to this job. Yeah, so like I made all these scenarios up in my head, like I ain't going to do this, I ain't going to do that, because in reality it was really I just didn't want to go back to the job, all the stuff that I was like it's a job, it is what it is Like. If I feel like I'm lacking time with her, I'll take a day off. Yeah, that's what we got vacation for. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I take a sick day and I just spend some time with her. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So if I, when I get to that point and I feel that way that's what I do, like today I'm like I'm gonna take a day off. You know what I mean? Like, hey, I kind of live in reality. Like, okay, I gotta work, I'm at home, but at the same time it's like, you know, I got a family and I gotta make time for it. So like I'm gonna use a day, I'm gonna get off early and we're gonna go out to eat. Instead of me getting off at six. I might take two hours off early and then we can start our dinner early and then that way she get down for her bedtime. It really was just me not really wanting to go back to work more than me not being able to do what I want to do with my child.
Speaker 2:Understandable, and you just saying that that's such a flex. I miss being able to just to go to the zoo, just like, yeah, I'm done, I'm going to the zoo, like the zoo in St Louis is the best it does so much. We go to the Botanical Gardens here a lot, and it's just like I lived right there in Grand, down the street from the Botanical Gardens and from Tower Grove Park, and I feel like I didn't take advantage of that stuff as much as I should have, because now I'm here in Atlanta, I love that kind of shit and that's a good time, and I get it, I get it. Now I'm here in Atlanta, I love that kind of shit and that's a good time, and I get it, I get it.
Speaker 2:I feel like we're in this renaissance where we hate being in the positions that we had been in for years before when it comes to work and being uncomfortable with work, and we were given this brief but kind of incredible experience with the pandemic, where people had to bend their demands and understand that we were in a crisis that people have to adjust to, so everyone was able to make it work, and now that we're back to normal quote unquote you see so many people struggling with the power of. I mean, we have this building and we're paying this rent. We need people to come in, but we know that people don't need to come in. And then, on top of that, people were working better from home than they were in the office sometimes. So it's just a really hard place to be now in our society where we lived through that.
Speaker 2:And now they're trying to go back to how it was and we all knew the way it was was not the best, but it's something that's still kind of being pressed and I think eventually we'll get to a place where we kind of forget the freedom we had just a couple of years ago because of that pandemic and being in these work environments where it's. You know, it's very stressful. I still have, like work nightmares about, you know, working crazy busy shifts or being out and working a long gig or something, and I'm just like I don't ever have to do this, ever again. And then I wake up like, oh, thank God I'm not washing dishes tonight or something like that. That's always the fucking worst.
Speaker 1:I think with society and working, it never really made sense. When you break down the traditional hours that you work for work. You work eight hours. You're supposed to get rest for eight hours. It's 24 hours in a day, so work and sleep is taking up 16 hours of that. They make you feel like, oh, two days off is the greatest thing ever, when in reality two days off a week is just bad Mentally.
Speaker 1:That wears people out because you go into these weekends and you try to get everything that you couldn't get done during the week, because you at some job done on the weekends but still want to have time to enjoy the weekend. You know you trying to cook clean because you ain't. You know what I mean? Like so it's just like like the whole ideology of working is bad. That's why when you, when people work from home, it really you still was doing the same job, but the freedom was is that I don't have to sit at the desk nine to five in this office building that I don't want to come to. I don't want to be here.
Speaker 1:Then, on top of that, you're not adding in the commute I gotta sit in traffic. I add in the other, the home commute where I'm sitting in traffic. Again, I'm already aggravated because I've been at the job for eight hours. I'm trying to get home. I'm not going to get home to 630 because guess what, I may have to stop and grab this for this, and then you know, it's just like this thing that aggravates people. But when you work from home, hey man, you give me an assignment, it get done. You don't need to know what I was doing between nine and five. You give me some work to do between nine and five and it's done. You can't really say anything and I think that's the freedom that people really like. You know what I mean. I don't think people have a problem with working. I think that people don't want to be structured when it comes to work.
Speaker 2:That doesn't need to be structured, and also, I think the added pressure of having someone kind of over your shoulder hey how you doing on that project and or walking around with a coffee mug talking to everybody when they should be working. It's like I don't need you here. You're messing my whole vibe up. I could be listening to some music or even catching up on my stories.
Speaker 1:Like shake man, Like all you got to do is say good morning to me and then, all right, I see you later, and that see you later is at four 30. Say don't try to I see you later, and that see you later is at 4.30. Don't try to say see you later at five, because I'm not going, I'm out the door Like, I'm really out the door at 5.50. I mean 4.50 for real. You know what I'm saying. Like, don't do that. So it's like, it's stuff. Like that man, I'm like man, like, but working from home or whatever.
Speaker 1:At first I hated it, but then, like now, I just be thinking like man, I really got to enjoy not rushing out the house every morning. I just got to just even go to a job that I really didn't like. I still got the peace of just waking up with my baby, playing with her for about an hour. And then now, like now, I'm in this mindset now where I got it down pat, so work really. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm in customer pat, so work really. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm in customer service. So it's stupid people all the time. But I don't even let it get to me, I'll just be like hey, man, listen, I told you what I had to tell you. You don't like it. It is what it is.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not going to have a bad day or take it out on my family or take it out on myself for somebody who's trying to tell me how to do my job and they don't know it. Like you know I'm saying so that's how I'd be looking at when I go to work. I'd be like all right, man, and if I'm not feeling I will do, I will call off. So quick. You don't understand. And I'm requesting dominique, when I tell you I request days off, that people don't even think. Like I've already requested off the day after Thanksgiving and the day after Christmas and we in what April? I'm not playing with these people. You know I'm not playing. Like I'm getting my days. You're never going to be like oh well, Chris, you should have known, because as soon as it opened, I requested off. Like that's how I'm living. Like you know what I'm saying I'm going to spend some time with my family and that's also the thing.
Speaker 2:Think about that, the idea of someone trying to make you feel bad for taking off a day around the holidays, like that. It's like because I want my time and if I'm not going to take off any of these other days, I'm going to take off those days.
Speaker 1:I told Valencia I ain't going to lie Any customer service-based job. You cannot work consecutive days. Like, think about it. Just say you work a whole month straight and you ain't take off, no days. Yeah, you know how mentally burnt out you're gonna be working and they be like would you get the weekend off? No, the weekend ain't really like that. Like y'all people who don't they don'tall people who don't they don't understand Cause it's cool, you know they don't understand, but the weekend ain't really which I think it is. Y'all think all I'm giving you, you ain't giving me nothing.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you right now, like you're not giving me nothing off, Like that's where they got it wrong. So I'm like I get burnt out after like two weeks and I take a day off. I know how to do it, where I'm planning my vacation and stuff like this. So I don't want to just take off days and it's not valuable. But at the same time, I can see myself getting burnt out and I'm like, yep, it's time to take a day off. You know what I mean. Yep, I take a day off. I take one vacation day at least once a month. One day out of a month. I'm going to take a Friday off or a Monday off and I still don't think that's enough.
Speaker 2:but you know you got to play with your schedule, so I personally, I used to fight for whenever restaurants or if I was selling tickets or wherever I was working, I would try to fight to have Monday and Tuesday off. I enjoy those two days off more than Friday or Saturday and Sunday or getting off early on a Friday. It's like no, let me get a Monday so I can go places that are usually closed on the weekends and get stuff done. Let me get my adulting days. I want to be able to go and do my errands and run my groceries and this and that, and not have to worry about all of these big crowds because it's the weekend or have to worry about all these people having free time to go. No, no, everybody at work. If I'm off on Monday, I'm good to go. I go wherever I want. I do what I need.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I always felt like those Mondays and Tuesdays were way better than having the weekend off. And now it's kind of different because, since I'm married, adrian's off the weekend, so it's like that's the best time to spend time. But even then it's just. It's just. There's nothing better having a weekday off where you can get real things done throughout the day during business hours that you normally can't do on the weekends they make saturday and sunday like a privilege, right, like, oh, you're privileged to have that off.
Speaker 1:But in reality it all depends on what type of lifestyle you live. Yeah, when you start getting in your 30s and stuff like that, you don't really want the weekend off, because you do want it off. But you don't want it off because you're probably going to be doing simple stuff Going to the grocery store, you know, just running errands, just getting out the house, just enjoying getting out the house. It's packed. Right, errands, just getting out the house, just enjoying getting out the house it's packed. When you were younger, when you was in your 20s, you wanted Saturday and Sunday off because you're going to the bar. That's why you wanted it off. That's why you want to go to the bar. It's going to be fun. But when you start getting older you realize I don't really go to the bar, so I really don't need saturday off. I go to the grocery store, I go to the parks, I go to the zoo, I go to the movies, all that. All them stuff, right, there is packed. I don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:I want to go and actually enjoy my off day. If I'm spending an hour in a line somewhere, or hour in traffic or whatever the case may be, because it's packed, that's not really enjoyable. That's what I think it is. I think the switch happens when you start getting older. You realize they they give that saturday and sunday is off for young people young people like them days off because yeah they doing way different stuff than we are, you know it's funny you say that because, all right.
Speaker 2:so I was in nashville. I was going to a wedding, uh, after I left st louis to see y'all. So I was going to a wedding after I left St Louis to see y'all. So I was going to a wedding and I stayed in Nashville for a night. It was a Friday night and I don't even think about it until we're there. I'm like, oh, it's Friday and we're going to get dinner. And I'm like, oh, this place is about to be crazy. We got there and it was crazy and I'm like I'm not used to this, because I don't ever go out on Fridays or Saturdays anymore. I might go out on Sunday night to get some open mics in, but Fridays and Saturday nights and afternoons and brunches and all that stuff I try to avoid. On those two days it's not fun anymore to be in a room full of people. It used to be great, but I don't need all these people in my space.
Speaker 1:You don't get the best service. You really don't get the best food. You go to the same spot If it's open on a Monday, and order the same plate. I guarantee you it tastes different Saturday than it do Monday, because the kitchen ain't slammed. He just back there chilling. He probably back there watching tv on the monday waiting for somebody to order some food he like oh yeah, let me go here saturday. He already aggravated because he'd already probably made a hundred of these. Yeah, you know, because cooking is done with love. Oh wait, your cook is aggravated on saturdays. He ain't no loving that food on a saturday. I'm gonna tell you that right now ain't no loving that food on a Saturday. I'm going to tell you that right now Ain't no love, it's a. I'm here because I know it's packed and I got to be here Monday. It's like sheesh slow today. I'm finna come here.
Speaker 2:Oh, dude, when it's not busy. I used to work at a restaurant and I went into the chef and I'd be like hey, you know, you got time to make me this. And he's like hey man, we ain't had this chicken for about 20 minutes. I've been ready to cook so, like you, get the best food on those days when it's not busy that is.
Speaker 1:So I'm saying it's a different. That's why I said, man, you could tell like that, just uh, you know, when you get older, start realizing all the stuff that you cared about, then you really don't even like I could take it or leave it.
Speaker 2:I take it or leave it for real like I feel like if anything has kind of happened this year that I didn't expect, it's that the element of being able to see the things that I used to love. I used to love throwing parties at the house. I used to love going to house parties. I used to love being in bars and you know, just like being there for the energy and I would go to a different bar almost every other night when I lived in LA and in Chicago. If I could afford it, I would go out. I just I used to love all that. Now, you know, I'm in the basement, feet up debating on. What am I going to do? I'm going to do some reading, do a little writing. I might just watch basketball because it's playoffs. Do a little writing. I might just watch basketball because it's playoffs. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I'm okay with that and making a nice meal and, that being it, I still enjoy going out, yeah, but it's probably like once in a month I'll get out and do stuff or whatever. But I'm more so when I go out. I'm a more daytime girl. Like, see, like I tell people all the time I hit the point where, like, if you want to go out, like and you tumble, go out, like, kick it, go out. It gotta be a day party and guess what? That's the summertime, it gotta be from four to eight, anything after eight o'clock I'm not going. I'm not going. Sun go down, I'm in the crib. Yeah, I don't want to be out till 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock in the morning, it's just not One, it's way too dangerous. Two, your brain is starting to shut down at nightfall. That's why you rest at night. On a good weekend I go with you. But I got to be in the house by 7.30. I got to put Jay to sleep, yeah.
Speaker 2:Jay, jay to sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they go to sleep at 8 o'clock. That's my excuse now.
Speaker 3:You say this guy, this guy is in love with you. Yes, I'm in love. Who looks at you the way I do? When you smile, I can tell Know each other very well. How can I show you? I'm glad I got to know you. I've heard some talks. They say you think I'm fine. Really, yes, I'm in love. Who makes you smile the way I do? Baby, please keep it cheap. You and me every day. How can I show you? I'm so glad that I got to tell you that I need your love. I want your love.
Speaker 2:Tell me you're in love, in love with this guy, and not I'll just die this is a tune I did in Chicago at the Living Bar, One of those shows that I just really loved and I got to do some love songs. I hadn't sang in a while. This is this Guy's In Love With you and I love this tune so much I just wanted to make sure I got a little tune in tonight. If you're loving what you're hearing musically, you can check me out on all streaming platforms and you can check me out for more information at DomLamorecom, where you can get anything and everything.
Speaker 2:Dom Lamore, For a long time, of course, you were the hardest person to communicate because you didn't really call people back and stuff. So you have this in your past. You know what I'm saying, but now I'm starting to see it on my end more, where there's certain people that you know I'll let a text message sit in my inbox a little longer than I used to. You know what I'm saying. If I see a phone call, I'm like, oh, this is going to be about this long. All right, I can't do this right now.
Speaker 2:You know like it's certain things that I used to feel like I had to do that Slowly but surely. I'm like I don't need to do that anymore. I don't need to post where I'm eating tonight. I don't need to post a picture of my meal that I cooked tonight. I don't need to post a picture of my meal that I cooked. I don't need to do a story about all of this stuff. I don't care anymore about that. How do you feel that element of your life is going, especially now that you have Jade? Do you feel like you get to this place where you want to post just her or not even that?
Speaker 1:Whenever I do stuff with Jade or whatever, I don't post it so like it's just for me. So like I got all types of stuff for the holidays that I'll take pictures with Jade when we go to Cardinals games or we went to the Blues game or whatever. Valencia will post every once in a while or whatever, but me I don't really post it. I'll save it in my memories and stuff like that and then just go back and watch it or whatever, because a lot of it is just for me. Now, yeah, because you know time go by so fast so you want to document you know things, because if you don't document it you're gonna look I'm gonna be like dang, how you get this big, this fast, and where did this go, or whatever. So that documentation is just for that, but I don't, you know, I ain't going to post nothing. Man, I've never been the type of person that posts everything that I do as far as the text messages and stuff like that or whatever. If you're not family, there's certain people that I know they aggravate this, but the love that I have for them, I have to have them in my life. I don't have to, but I make an effort because I have that Like. The love that I have is so strong that I make an effort and nobody's perfect, as long as they're not knocking me off. What I need to accomplish as a dad, as a husband, you know, the little BS that you do to aggravate me is really just because I love you and I want you to be better, right? So I understand that. Now you know what I mean A little bit more, so I'll answer them.
Speaker 1:It's a couple of people you, virgil, chris, mark I'm always. It don't matter, it don't matter what it is, I'm always going to make time for y'all. The love that I have for y'all, y'all hold a significant spot in my heart to where, even if I don't text you back right away, I'm going to make sure I get to you. I'm always going to do that. I'm talking about outside of, like family, right? Y'all always got that in my heart, so I'm always going to make spot. But everybody else. Kick rocks If you text me and I don't. All right, all right, I didn't get to it. You know, I'm saying it is what it is.
Speaker 2:I hate to be like that, but it is for me I'm starting to be able to recognize a border of that, because at first the border was always family is excluded from all that. Family is always in it like I gotta do what I can, but now I'm starting to mold that border a little bit more. Yeah, and there's family members who are slipping over the line. There are certain people who go above and beyond and actually make the effort to be there, to not let you down, to actually look out. Then there are other people that you know within your heart and your loins and your body, your soul. You know that these people will. You know that these people will, no matter what, let you down. And it's like you've got to see through that barrier that you create for these people, because it doesn't matter where they are in the stakes of the world, it doesn't matter if they're family. Do they respect your time? Do they respect you as a person? That's important and I'm not going to extend my hand anymore for people who aren't going to stick to the plan, like when I tell you, a time where I hit you up, I'll give you some grace here and there, but if it's consistent, every time I'm trying to reach out. Every time I see you, I'm saying, hey, let's talk more. Every time I'm trying to reach out. Every time I see you I'm saying, hey, let's talk more. Every time I see you.
Speaker 2:The state from religion kind of thing. It's like you know, when you have the laws, it's not based off of one. This is the state, it's not religious law, you know. And so in my head it's the same thing. Like I kind of find family as religion, like you kind of got to have faith and understand and be willing to endure a lot of stuff for family that you wouldn't for anyone else. And it's kind of the same with religion and with state. It's kind of like, ok, I can say it's business and state and people be like you're right, it's business, and they can't get angry with your family. You can't be like, hey, it's business, because they're going to be like, but I'm family.
Speaker 1:That comes when the shift in generations. You do that with family because of where you were in family, right, so you were like the cousin. But when you get in your 30s you more like on status, right, I fool with who I fool with. You know uncles get like that Right. Like uncles get to the point where they like man, listen, all that family and all that stuff like that. I lived long enough to know what you gonna do, how you gonna operate.
Speaker 1:So you know I'm saying I know, because I, because I've been around long enough, so it's more of you just being around your family. Now you didn't got some time in and you're an adult, so you, you look at things to a different scope. You know what I'm saying. You, you know you're going to be 36, like you didn't see from since, let's just say, at 15, you'd have seen how your family operate, right, yep, that's 20 years of knowing how a certain person is going to operate and how they're going to handle stuff. So now that, oh, I, I don't gotta just do it because I know how you're going to operate and how they're going to handle stuff. So now that, oh, I don't got to just do it because I know how you're going to operate, even if you are family. I know exactly how you're going to operate because I seen you do it for five years, six years, seven years, even with, like, just your siblings. You know how they're going to operate. And guess what? You're going to operate, how you operate. And that's why that line that you talk about start getting pushed, because now, if you can operate that way, now I can operate how I operate, and if it don't align, then that's where the lines start getting pushed If you're not aligning where it's supposed to go. It can't just be, dominique, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, and you don't never try to push back. You ain't never trying to be like boom boom, boom, boom. You know what, dominique and Jewel, you understand, dominique. As long as I've been knowing you, you've been knowing me. So why is it that I got to understand you but you don't understand me? Let me push this line. You know what I mean and that's just how it go. And it's age. It's like, literally like just because we're starting to be right here. At first we were kind of in the middle and lower, because we were growing up and we kind of you know all everybody told us family is this and family is that, and then you realize it's a bunch of bs when they talk about fam. It's never really what people say. People make these accusations oh, that's your family, that's your family. Are y'all intertwining family with love? Because family and love is two different things, like that is not the same thing at all. But people want it to be right because I love you, I'm gonna show you I love you, I can tell you I love you, dominique. Prime example is I tell you all the time.
Speaker 1:It's like when people say why you try different things with dominique? Like why you? Why is it that, dominique? Why you try different things with Dominique? Like why you? Why is it that Dominique can get you to try eel or squid or whatever? Because I've been around him long enough to understand that he likes to try different things. My love language to him is he wants me to try this. I'm okay with that, like I'm okay with not always, it ain't always about me. It's like when I say I'm going to try this, I'm going into your friendship. Our friendship is like you come into my world, I come into your world, right, yeah, that's love, that's friendship. Families should do the same thing. I'm not into Mozart or whatever it is. Just because I'm not into it don't mean that I can't come and support you and actually learn something and actually enjoy it. Right, that's what it's about. But you know family, they'll take advantage of that. I ain't got to do nothing that you like, but you got to do everything I like because we family. And how does that work?
Speaker 2:It's a really bizarre situation to kind of step back and look at from the outside in, because everyone has a different type of family. You know, when you start to get involved and meet people and see how they operate with their folks, it's mind blowing just how different everyone's upbringing truly can be mind-blowing just how different everyone's upbringing truly can be. You know the people that you're around. If you work with a guy who's like always trying to manipulate or always trying to create teams and sides and this and that, and you're like man, this dude is unbearable. You can only imagine how he is with his family. You're her. She is with their family. They are doing the same things.
Speaker 2:But it's even another level with those people because there's family. I've known you my whole life. We always joke this way and you like it. When I joke like this, it was like no, I don't, no, you like it. Family members are the only one that look you in the eyes, gaslight you into saying, all right, maybe it's fun a little bit when you truly don't enjoy it even a little bit.
Speaker 1:You know, and it's a common place for everything too, and if somebody is telling you that they do not enjoy that or whatever, then they just don't enjoy it. I get it. Learn something else, like learn to have a conversation with somebody, right, you know what I mean. Like, don't piss somebody off just to get a reaction. You know what I mean. Like you know how some people don't know how to talk to you. They'll just say something random, like something crazy, to you because they want that interaction. You could have just said hey, how's everything going? How are you? And you would have got the same reaction, as opposed to you talking crazy. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Once again, it comes back to that line I said earlier, where before you speak, you have to think. I think more and more. We live in a world where people kind of speak before thinking more than we've ever done it before. I blame social media. You know what I'm saying. People have to be a little bit more conservative when it came to how they have voiced their opinions.
Speaker 2:We grew up in a world where we still knew people who were kind of private about who they voted for, because that was the thing we were told. This is your right and you don't have to share it. You do this and it's your civic duty to do so. You do it, and I mean we could talk about the issues and debate what's going on, but I ain't got to tell you shit when it comes to who I voted for. Nowadays, we live in this world where you know you're kind of forced to choose sides in pretty much everything that we do, and I mean that's something I feel like that's happened since the beginning of time. We always did. You know you play Cowboys. There's always a side. Yeah, yeah, there's always a side. We always do multiple sides in anything that we ever do, but I feel like now. It's just an extra stress on you're a Nazi if you don't agree with me. That's the world we live in now. You're a Nazi if you don't agree with me.
Speaker 1:I mean, think about it like this right, everybody got a podcast. I'm just saying right, everybody has a social media Instagram or Twitter or Facebook or whatever, right, so everybody can spew out whatever they want at any given time. And that's where it comes from. It comes from just being able to have platforms being able to just let you say, oh, I vote, this is what I feel. If you don't like it, boom, boom, boom boom.
Speaker 1:And really a lot of these topics that we're having is a right way to have them and it's a wrong way to have them. Really, who you voted for, you can probably pinpoint it, but I don't really need to tell you. I don't need to tell you who I voted for, but if we're having an interaction or we're talking to each other and we're talking about things that are going on, if you're a smart person, you'll kind of pick up where this conversation is going, depending on how you respond to certain things that are going on with government, marriage, politics, friendship, whatever. You know how people their views is. You just got to listen and then you can't always, like you said, think before you speak, because once you start listening, you know, oh, I'm going to cut this conversation short Because it ain't even going to be where it need to be. You know what I mean? So I think social media. But social media get people that that thing. I'm just gonna say it when, I'm just gonna say how I want to say it. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna, and it's like, yeah, but you just gotta be prepared for people to have opinion about your opinions.
Speaker 1:Right, an opinion about an opinion makes you have to choose a side. Yeah, because nobody's really speed like facts is either you gonna. You gonna hear it or not. But opinion, opinion gives way more leeway of. Well, I like his opinion, so I'm gonna go with him. Right, a fact is me and you are both Black. Yeah, ain't no debate that. Now, if you want to debate anything else, we can debate. Oh well, dominique's Black, but he got such and such in him. Those are opinions, but the fact is me and you are Black. Nothing else, everything else, is just an opinion. You were black. Nothing else, everything else is just an opinion you know.
Speaker 2:So you know what I love that new movie Sinners. Have you had a chance? You haven't seen it yet. I saw it in IMAX the other day. It was phenomenal. Michael B Jordan came through and did what he was supposed to do Ryan Coogler. It was phenomenal. Michael B Jordan came through and did what he was supposed to do, ryan Coogler. It was just visually stunning. I can't applaud it enough. Adrian doesn't really like scary movies.
Speaker 1:Was it scary.
Speaker 2:I don't think it was super scary, but if I didn't like scary movies, there will be parts of this where it'll be like I don't know if I'm going to enjoy this, because it has a lot of jump scares and especially if you see it in IMAX and stuff like that, it almost sounds like the speakers get louder for those specific moments. Yeah, they probably do, I bet you they do, because it felt like somebody was opening a door right next to me. I, they probably do, I bet you they do, cause, like it felt like somebody was opening a door right next to me, I'm like, wait, you know what I'm saying. So like it had those moments and I can't take, I can't lie, it totally had those moments. But the storytelling, oh my God, the scene design and the places that they shot it. I think they did it in New Orleans, but I've been doing a lot of weddings in Mississippi and stuff now and Clarksdale is where this is and I actually did a wedding there before. So like it looks like Mississippi and it looks like the swamps and stuff and it was. I mean, the clothes, the cars, the cities that they built, the landscape that they recorded on. It was incredible and it was really, really cool.
Speaker 2:I just had this Kool-Aid smile most of the movie because I was just like all of these Black people look beautiful. The lighting for these Black people was perfect for these Black people. You didn't feel like they were overexposed in any way. There was a lot of moments where they kind of sat in the shot and they didn't feel like they had to do too much. It was just like just look at this beautiful visual, that's all you need for good. It was so good. And then they had moments. He had a Spike Lee moment. That's what I'll call it. In my opinion, I feel like it was an homage to Spike Lee. It was a historical conversation. They were telling you about different eras, but still in the setting, and they were showing you where it expands. I can't tell you too much, I don't want to ruin it for you.
Speaker 1:I've heard he did a really good job. He did a really good job.
Speaker 2:Everyone. If you read any of the interview, they always bring, like that, one scene. This is the scene I'm talking about. Okay, it was phenomenal how they shot it, how it looked, how it made me feel, but then also you understood the horror and it had a different element because of segregation in the thirties and stuff. So you can see the tension between that and how that would be an element that's added, but then also scary shit. So that's what I'm loving. How about you?
Speaker 1:I just realized that I love just being an uncle. Yeah, and I say that because I pretty much spent the whole weekend with my nieces and we did a movie night, we dyed eggs and it was just nice to be around my nieces and just watch them and just interact with their cousin and like just just be there. I was just like man this is man. I just love this. Like I really enjoy watching them grow up, watching us just spend holidays, watching them bring Jade as their like uh, fourth sister and like just really just loving on her and like loving me, like loving like fourth sister and like just really just loving on her and like loving me, like loving, like just me being Uncle Chris, like I don't have to do too much, like you know what I mean, I'm not the uncle that buys them a whole bunch of stuff and you know, I'm not the pushover uncle, I'm just Uncle Chris.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell them how it is, I'm going to tell him what it ain't, but they just, it just seems to, they just seems to really just enjoy me being their uncle and I love it. I love it. Even geo, he lives in atlanta and he will call me and I and when will be calling me I like what you want, william. He's like I don't, I don't want you. I'd be like who want me?
Speaker 1:then your nephew want you and it just makes me feel so good, because I feel like when kids draw to you, they see your heart, kids know who really love them and who really don't.
Speaker 1:And to have all my nieces and my nephew, my two nephews, just cling to me, I just it just it do something to me, man, it just it, just it's sometimes, I just it bring a tears like sometimes to me Cause I'd be like, oh man, I just, I just love y'all so much, man and I just I just want to just enjoy every moment and I want to get better at it as they you know, they babies now but I want to be the uncle to understand that they, when they hit teenage years, be there, when they hit the adult year, be there. I just want to love them and each stage of their life. And so I'm no longer here, no more, and that goes. You know, of course I'm gonna do that with Jay, but you know, just to have that is. I couldn't think of nothing better in the world sometimes, man, I just be like my babies, I love you.
Speaker 2:We made it to the last section of the night, of course, and we've spoken about everything we need to speak about. You know what it is. Last thing I always ask is how do you feel?
Speaker 1:If we're going to do numbers, I'd say I'm about an eight. Okay, about an eight out of 10. I'm happy the weather's breaking, jade is being Jade and I'm happy of being a father and I'm happy of being a husband and a spouse and just enjoying life right now I really am. I don't got too many complaints or whatever you know, that's all we can ask for man.
Speaker 2:Well, cheers to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hold on. Oh, how are you feeling?
Speaker 2:You know, as you can hear, I've been doing a lot of work. Still, I feel like that's my kind of starting conversation. I'm doing a lot of work on me. I feel like that's my starting conversation. I'm doing a lot of work on me. I'm working on me. I keep saying that shit to people, but it's been really refreshing.
Speaker 2:I just did a wedding in Alabama and it's NBA playoffs, so my sleeping pattern just messed up. But Adrienne just got back from New York and I always miss her when she's gone, so I would say I'm at like a seven. Then I was like I said I wish I was back on my sleeping pattern. I wish I was doing my yoga a little bit more, because I've just been so busy. I've been doing all these gigs and moving around and trying to book more gigs.
Speaker 2:I got this place I'm doing in Fayetteville now. It's a black owned wine bar which I'm really excited to work with. But that's what I was doing before we started. I was putting together contracts for that and getting things together for the performance and the set list. And then also I got another show that I'm doing at JB's Record Lounge, a jam that I do. So I feel like I'm very consumed, which is good, but there's still some space where I can have a little bit more peace, I think in my own head and breathe a little bit more. So seven is about, about where I'm feeling right now, for sure.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that's I mean. And the seven is. I always say you know a seven is really good, you know a 10, we always do one to 10, but let's just be honest, like no one is, a ten is, tens comes and goes right, but a seven, a eight, hell, even a six is it's. Oh, that's solid. You're, that's solid. You know a ten, you could, you could fill a ten, because adrian got back, you know, wifey back, you know we finna you know, yeah, I'm gonna spend some.
Speaker 1:That's a 10, right, but then overall, you know, the seven is like okay, I'm peaceful, I you know, I feel. I feel like I'm doing what I need to do, I'm getting work done, I'm handling business, and it's not overwhelming me why I have all this anxiety, because I planned it well and I'm handling it well. So, boom, this is where I want to be. You know what I'm saying? So, like I always say, tens are subjective. Tens just come and go, like they come and go throughout the day. So that's a good, that's a solid spot to be and I feel good.
Speaker 2:I feel good that's the best way to describe it. I can't complain at all, really, because it ain't going to do nothing Always the thing that helps. You know, I got projects here at the house that I got to get done and it's always exciting to have her here because you know it gives me another thing to kind of focus on, like when I get to a certain time of night when I've done all my errands and stuff, I'll be able to say, ok, I'm going to cook dinner and sit down with Adrian, and that's something I look forward to every day. So I cannot complain. Things are really really dope right now.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. The opening quote credit goes to Kristen Morgan and shout out to my guy, chris, for being on the pod. Follow Chris at chris eib. Underscore 88 on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating. Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. If you like this episode, you should go check out one of our previous episodes. We had mid-season check-ins all the time. Uh, new year's flowers is another great episode. Good listens, check them out and follow me at dom underscore l-a-m-o-u-r on instagram or at domlamorecom. I'm dom lamore, much love.
