"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
The Art of Remembering Your Why
Dom L'Amour speaks with my girl Maria Bartolotta about Her 10 years of being sober, struggles with moving, Relationships with family and friends, and so much more.
Grateful drunks never drink." These six words have carried Maria Bartolotta through a decade of sobriety—a journey that began in a world almost unrecognizable from today. Think: Blockbuster stores still open, Netflix mailing DVDs, BlackBerry phones, and Ebola dominating health headlines.
Dom Lamour and Maria dive deep into what it means to maintain sobriety not just as a lifestyle choice, but as a necessity. With remarkable candor, Maria reveals how recovery tools have shaped her approach to life's biggest challenges, particularly her recent decision to leave New York and return to her hometown. "My ego says you failed, you just turned 35 and you're living with your parents," she admits, despite knowing logically that the move opens new creative doors.
The conversation explores the delicate balance between artistic ambition and mental wellbeing. Both performers share the strange paradox of their chosen path—the constant questioning, the difficulty of defining success, and the crucial importance of remembering your "why." For Maria, that purpose has evolved from simply wanting to perform full-time to creating art that makes others feel seen and less alone.
Most powerfully, they discuss how practices like gratitude lists, meditation, and yoga serve as anchors during life transitions. Maria shares how becoming more selective with her energy has led to healthier relationships, while still battling the tendency to isolate when things get tough. The episode concludes with a beautiful meditation on finding joy in small things—like snowfall—and the power of staying present even when feeling raw.
Whether you're navigating sobriety, considering a major life change, or simply trying to honor your creative purpose while paying the bills, this conversation offers both practical tools and emotional reassurance. Subscribe, share, and connect with Maria (@maria_bartolotta_1) and Dom (@DOM_LAMOUR) on Instagram to continue the conversation.
Opening quote by AA
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song : "Maybe This Time" Preformed by Dom L'Amour and Maria Bartolotta
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at
One of my favorite, or at least my one of the most useful phrases that people say is grateful drunks never drink.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So a gratitude list. I don't know what the science or the voodoo is in it, but for some reason doing a gratitude list always helps and I I will go in being like stupid gratitude, I'm not grateful for anything. And then I just like start writing down like the most basic things and I had someone else tell me when I was really early in sobriety, if you can't think of things to be grateful for, if you have 10 fingers and 10 toes, that's 20 things right there.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here, my name is Dom Lamour and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode, I speak with my girl, maria Bartolotta, about 10 years of being sober, struggling with moving relationships with friends and family, and so much more. When I focus on what's good, today, I have a good day. When I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on the problem, the problem increases. If I focus on the answer, the answer increases. You're celebrating 11 years.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Of being sober Correct. So I wanted to take a step back in the time, oh boy, and talk about the things that were going on the last time you had a beverage. So let's go through my list here. Here we go Back in 2014,. They were still manufacturing CD players in cars back then. Of course, that's something that doesn't happen anymore. I don drink, and they did for another four years after you started drinking, so you were living firm in BlackBerry lifestyle.
Speaker 1:That's wild.
Speaker 2:This is one of my favorites, you ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:TikTok didn't exist, vine did exist.
Speaker 1:RIP Vine.
Speaker 2:RIP Vine.
Speaker 1:I didn't download TikTok for the longest time because I was so mad. I was like this is just vine that's all it was.
Speaker 2:But I mean, hey, shit, they had to do what they had to do, amen, uh. Next, you could still have dvds mailed to your house from netflix. Last time you had a drink, of course Also, the original Game of Thrones show was still on the air. It was like season five or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was very early.
Speaker 2:I don't know. When did Jon Snow die? Was that the beginning of five?
Speaker 1:I don't remember. I don't remember either. Every time I've watched that show I binge it really hard, Me too. It like all runs together all right, I totally agree.
Speaker 2:Uh, blockbuster's video, of course, was still open. Wow, the last store closed in 2019. Yeah, you totally could still go to blockbuster and wow, our jacks. Of course you're gonna remember this. One of Radio Shack was still a thing. Of course, now they're Best Buy Express, but they were Radio Shack back then and this is maybe my favorite thing that's on the list you remember Ebola?
Speaker 1:But the only reason I know that that was a thing is because in my first year of sobriety I started aesthetic school and I have this picture in our aesthetics book. Of course, instead of listening, I was like drawing little funny cartoons in my book and there was this girl going like a thinking face and I wrote in a speech bubble do I have Ebola? And I have like a screenshot of that saved in my phone and every time I see it I'm like what?
Speaker 2:Like there are kids now who if you brought up Ebola, they wouldn't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? Ebola? You mean COVID, covid's, the pandemic, that's what I'm like. No Ebola. They were scared of Ebola. They were talking like we were going to die of Ebola, but we had a president who was competent and took care of that. Final thing, I have here on the list, of course, the hits of 2014. That year, number one song of the year, of course, was Happy by Pharrell Williams. Wow, dark Horse by Katy Perry and Juicy J what a tune. All of Me by John Legend, a song that I feel like is so old. Also, iggy Azalea was still a thing. Yeah, fancy was a hit that year. And counting stars by one republic talk dirty jason marulo and two chains rude by magic all about that bass problem by ariana and iggy, because iggy was on top of the world that year she was, that was her year and stay with me.
Speaker 2:We were introduced to Sam Smith that year. Yes, that's, that's all the stuff that I researched from the last time you had a drink, you were grooving out the dark horse by Katy Perry talking, talking about Ebola. That's what your life looked like back then. How does that feel to hear all of that?
Speaker 1:That's wild. The blockbuster and the Blackberry and that stuff is blowing my mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, the CD player being made.
Speaker 1:They don't make CD players anymore DVDs being mailed to your house.
Speaker 2:I forgot that Netflix started that way. That's crazy. Yeah, they didn't have streaming at first, it was just DVDs at the grocery store.
Speaker 1:I think they had the Redbox, but it was netflix, not red box wow, I was because I was talking, because, hilariously, ironically, I spent the first day of 2025 bartending. Ironically, yes and so I was talking to my co-worker about this and how I'm like super rusty, I got thrown into it. I'm like I haven't bartended in over 10 years. I don't know what the trendy drinks are. When I stopped drinking, Rum Chata had just come out. It was like Rum Chata, the pink one, and the drink you made was like porn star X-rated.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That was big Rumpelmints, was big Fireball had just come out.
Speaker 2:Fireball was the best.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I was like reminiscing on how old that makes me feel, because they were like laughing when I told them that these were all young people. Yeah, but yeah, I didn't realize some of these other things that was. That was a fun little journey, Wow.
Speaker 2:Like I got the thing. It was like 2014. I just moved back to St Louis from Chicago at that point it was before I moved to LA, and I think we did a show that year.
Speaker 1:We did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was like a whole different world then Like that's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:To kind of think about how our lives have progressed, and it's a decade, you can say a decade ago that happened. Do you think like being sober has like changed your personality? Do you think that it's affected you in any negative way? Like just because you like you're, you're sober now, which is great, it's like, but any can you think of negative ways that it may have changed you over 10 years?
Speaker 1:not really because because, like it's, I feel like it's become a thing now to be like sober, curious or whatever, and people are choosing a sober lifestyle, which is great, and do whatever works for you. But I'm sober because I had to get sober. Yeah, like it was get sober or die or have something like even worse happen, like hurt someone else you know, so in that sense I can't think of many negative things, because those were my options and I think that might have been the wrong way to phrase that no, but I'm thinking like you're bartending now, so like that's something negative for my head.
Speaker 2:I'm like that must be hard to do, right?
Speaker 1:yes, and yes and no, it depends. Like I don't love it, people always want me to bartend because I have experience and there's not many around apparently these days, and so you know I don't love it. It's not like something I would volunteer to do regularly, but the only time I'm like really start getting annoyed is when I like a lot gets gets spilled and I have it on me and I'm smelling it.
Speaker 1:That's when I start to get annoyed, but it's never a temptation, because the reason I've made it this far sober is because I'm really active in my recovery. In that sense, that has completely changed my personality. In that sense that has completely changed my personality. I feel like I'm a completely different person because if you're an alcoholic, like I am, you have to be really active in recovery to stay sober and to stay sane, frankly, and you have to do a lot of inner work, like a lot constantly. You know it definitely. Oh, I can give you a negative thing Dating.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's difficult when you're sober, because what's the number one thing people do on dates?
Speaker 2:Let's go to a bar.
Speaker 1:Let's go get a drink Get something to drink. Mm-hmm, which, again, it doesn't bother me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you sit there with an Arnold Palmer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they've gotten really creative with mocktails now yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they've gotten really creative with mocktails. They've gotten really creative. And it doesn't bother me, but people get really weird about it and there's a lot of people who don't want to go out with you when they find out you're sober, which that's fair. Some people want to have that shared experience, but you could have a sober driver. I will say that's probably, you know, a negative.
Speaker 1:When you get sober, in order to be successful, you have to change your people, places and things. At least at first. Luckily, I had so many friends who were so understanding and were like, please get sober, please, please stop drinking, and so they were really encouraging of it and they understood that I had to like hibernate for a little bit and hang out with sober people. But then, you know, when I was ready, I was right back to hanging out with my old friends and they've always been very, very considerate of me in terms of like making sure I have an option to drink. If we're going to do something, it's not just sitting at a bar, like there's another activity there. And I'm really lucky in that regard because I know a lot of other sober friends I have. They did not have the same experience and so they had like a negative impact in that way and that you know, they kind of lost a lot of friends, but luckily that didn't happen for me.
Speaker 2:One thing I feel like has come up a couple of times just in conversation over the new year and last year is the idea of growing apart from people and kind of seeing yourself a little different. So how often have you had a percentage wise, would you say like you had to stop talking to people because of the drinking thing, but then in general you just was kind of like, oh, this person, I don't really vibe with this person anymore at all. I feel like it's happening at a higher rate now for me than ever in my life.
Speaker 1:So, in terms of not hanging out with people because of drinking and like in being sober when I was at the end of my drinking, you surround yourself with people who are at the same level as you, right? So I was hanging out with other people who had a drinking problem, basically. So I didn't hang out with them. I hung out with them a couple times since, but we grew apart because I was in active recovery and they were still drinking and there wasn't any animosity about that. It would just kind of like naturally happened.
Speaker 1:Now I am also very much in a place like you just described right now, and I would attribute that more to one age and two. Like I said, being in active recovery. I have to do a lot of internal work, I have to do a lot of spiritual work in order to stay sane, and I think a result of that has been realizing that I give way too much of my energy to I don't want to say the wrong people, but I just I've been draining myself for a really long time I hear what you're saying, like draining yourself for people who wouldn't drain that same energy for you, right?
Speaker 1:Like I empty my cup and don't get it filled up. I've been doing that for most of my life and I feel like that's often a woman issue. I find talking to other women too, because we were raised to believe that we're caretakers and a lot of us are extreme people pleasers. But the more work I do, the more I realize I have less and less of a tolerance for it, which is good, and I've been way more selective of my energy and my time. It's really been an awakening of sorts in moving back to St Louis, seeing that filter out. And it's not to say that it's like I'm writing people off and just not hanging out with them, period. It's just I'm writing people off and just not hanging out with them, period. It's just. You know, I'm not going to go out of my way all the time for someone who's not equally going to be like what do you need? How are you, maria? Yep, I'm just not going to do that.
Speaker 2:You shouldn't yeah.
Speaker 1:And not in a negative way, just in a. This just makes sense.
Speaker 2:That's a good place to kind of pivot to the move back home, cause I feel like I remember my move home from Chicago. I was driving home with my pops, big John, and I just felt like I'd failed. You know, I felt like I moved somewhere and I had high hopes. In every step of that experience, which now I can see, I learned a lot. I took a lot of stuff from that. I took a lot of stuff from just being the broke as I'd ever been and trying to make it work and somehow paying bills still and surviving and making it out. I don't know how I did. I still don't know Chicago.
Speaker 2:I really loved the city, I loved the community that I created, I loved the people that I met and the things that I had done, that I had done. But I didn't have any wiggle room to really enjoy it because I was so consumed with work and trying to pay bills and not really knowing what's coming next. I was so in the dark there and when I left I still was like, oh, I didn't give it enough of a chance. And now I can look back and be like, no, I did everything I was supposed to do in Chicago and I was in a relationship I shouldn't have been in. That didn't help me at all. I was with people who had different goals than me. They saw themselves going one way, and I was like we need to be doing this, and they're like, well, we'll do that eventually. They never did it, though, and I was like that's something that I'm not about. I say I want to move to LA eventually. I want to move to LA, and I did, and that was the only move for me.
Speaker 2:That was hard Cause I went back to my mother's house. I was staying in Kirkwood, and I lived there for a couple of months. I got my own apartment eventually, because I was just like I can't still with my mom. I can't live with my mom. I just can't do it. She wasn't as controlling when I was there the second time, because I was an adult, but she still was controlling, if that made sense, and I was just like, yeah, I need my freedom. I need to be able to make dinners the way I want to make them. I don't need the temptation of fried foods or all of this crap that y'all are eating. I don't need that temptation. So I'm curious for you one leaving New York, did you have that kind of feeling? And two, are you able to see the positives of your time there, but leaving was right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean you basically hit all the marks of exactly where I was at. It's like, logically, I know I could have stayed. I could have stayed in New York and kept my apartment, which I loved so much, and kept doing what I was doing. But, like you said, I didn't have a life because I had to work so much to live there and I had gotten a taste of what it could be like to not have that.
Speaker 1:The year before when I quit a job for the first time in my life I was like, well, all right, guess, we're going to try the starving artist thing for six months, and it was.
Speaker 1:It was the most bleak my circumstances I've ever been, but it was the happiest I've ever been. I never knew how I was going to pay rent but I always somehow did. And I was the happiest I've ever been because I got to full fledged jump into my craft and my show and everything and I got a taste of what that could be like. But that wasn't sustainable in New York to do forever. And then my mom made the point that it could kind of be like that if I moved back to St Louis, and so that's really what planted the seed. And so, logically, I know that I truthfully moved back here to move to the next level with my show and my career because I was hitting a wall in New York not able to do those things. But at the same time my ego says you failed, you just turned 35 and you're living with your parents.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And and I. The only thing that was different from what you said is I had a lot of collaborative I wouldn't say a lot, but enough collaborative people Um, in New York and I, um, you know, I had someone tell me they wanted to fund the off-Broadway run of my show when it's ready for that, like. So that made it even more difficult, cause I'm like am I, am I making the wrong decision and walking away from this? Like I feel like I'm walking away when I'm finally getting things going.
Speaker 1:And then my friend made the comment no, maria, I think it's the opposite. I think you're finally giving into the universe, telling you something needs to be different, and I think that's why these things are happening, cause those things happened after I decided to leave New.
Speaker 2:York.
Speaker 1:So he made the point that you know, because I finally stopped fighting and was like, okay, fine, I'll take this huge scary leap, and then things started working. So you know, I know logically that this was the best thing, but at the same time it's still one of the hardest things I've ever grappled with. And that's saying a lot, because we just talked about how I have 11 years in recovery. But there was just so much wrapped up in being in New York for me and we talked about this the last time I was on here. I'm really bad at comparing myself to others and having this imaginary marker of where I think I should be in my life as a 35-year-old, and so, in my mind, the one thing I had going for me was I was living in New York on my own, in my own apartment in New York chasing my dreams and that was my one thing I had and I let it go, and so now I'm fighting this voice in my head that's like well, now you got nothing loser, and it's like you were talking about.
Speaker 1:It's really difficult specifically being here, especially after you've been in therapy for a while.
Speaker 2:I feel like for me, I left Chicago in 2013, I think, or 2014. I still felt like I was a kid. You know, I was so young still and you know I didn't even turn 30 until I moved to LA, so like that was another five years away. The work that I've been doing at home my journaling, my planner, my yoga, my meditation, my breathing exercises, my singing, everything that I do to keep my head right I think would help me get through it a lot better than I did then, because I just kind of took it on the chin and pretended like everything was okay and luckily came back to a city where, when I started hitting people up about gigs, I was gigging again. So it was like, okay, I'm going to leave performing.
Speaker 2:But even then, that move to LA was all put together on faith and ignorance, where I maxed out a credit card to move to LA because I didn't want to tell my folks that I didn't save the money. So I maxed out the credit card and then the first year or two in LA I was trying to pay that off and I wasn't able to even go out and audition. I wasn't able to go perform and I didn't know anyone, and then I didn't meet anyone because I was constantly working or with Tommy and them doing like Shakespeare stuff, which is like was dope and I met people through that, but even then I didn't meet the right people.
Speaker 2:I didn't meet the people doing what I wanted to do. A lot of negative, horrible planned decisions came because I wasn't properly doing the stuff at home to better myself. So my question to you is what are some things that you feel either maybe you need to work on still, or that you are doing that you feel is helping you navigate all of this? Because, like I said, me journaling that changed so much for me and one of the key things in the journal is to make sure that, no matter what you speak about, even if it's negative or positive, by the end of it you should reflect on what you're grateful for. And I'm able to really sit down and talk crazy about people in my journal like I can't stand this, this, this and that, but I'm grateful I woke up today. I'm grateful for my wife, I'm grateful for the food that I'm about to eat.
Speaker 1:I'm grateful for my wife. I'm grateful for the food that I'm about to eat. I'm grateful for all the things around me that helps me get through this annoyingness. What are some things that either?
Speaker 1:lot of those things are tools that I had already been doing that you do in recovery. One of my favorite, or at least my one of the most useful phrases that people say is grateful drunks never drink. Yeah, so a gratitude list. I don't know what the science or the voodoo is in it, but for some reason doing a gratitude list always helps and I will go in being like, oh, stupid gratitude, I'm not grateful for anything. And then I just like start writing down like the most basic things, and I had someone else tell me when I was really early in sobriety, if you can't think of things to be grateful for, if you have 10 fingers and 10 toes, that's 20 things right there.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I don't think that's something that we think about on the regular. We're kind of trained that. You know people display their successes all the time on social media. So when you think about what you're grateful for, it's hard, because you're like well, I didn't get to go on that vacation. I wanted to go on, I didn't get the car that I wanted, I didn't get this. But this person just did Like you're comparing yourself to others. But just waking up is something to be grateful for. Just being able to even comprehend that you are struggling and you want to be doing better is something to be grateful for, because there are some people who sit and don't understand that it's them who's going to have to push them to the next level. No one else is going to help you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:No one else has got. I mean, people will be there for you, people will try, but no matter what, you're going to have to be the one that said say yo, I need to change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just watched a video that was talking about how you can't have two thoughts at the same time. So if I'm thinking about what I'm grateful for, then that filters out all the comparing and grossness I'm doing. So that's a big one I do. I have my therapist and I, before I moved, we made sure to have like an action plan, like I knew I was going to need like a big toolkit of stuff to do because I knew it was going to be rough.
Speaker 1:So I have like this little checklist on my board, like I meditated today, I did my yoga today. Man, those two things are my saviors.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it changes everything.
Speaker 1:They are my saviors right now. So those are big. I'm very type A, so I already do this. But really having like a comprehensive list of logical steps to be taking, which has been a hard, tricky balance because I knew I needed rest.
Speaker 1:Coming here, coming home because that was one of the things is I was so tired yeah just from living in New York and just my nervous system was so tired, like I was just tired, and so I knew I needed some time to rest. But at the same time, I like want to stay focused and like remember why I came home. Comprehensive lists of realistic things I'm not going to write down. I've grown plenty of things into a festival tomorrow. No, I'm going to say let's look up some individual artist grants, let's do X, y and Z. Let's look at doing a St Louis show to try out some of our new stuff in it Stuff like that.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I've struggled with trying to reconnect with people, which goes back to what we were just talking about before, is figuring out the right people to connect with, because everything in me does not want to right now. Everything in me wants to isolate and stay home and not interact with anyone, and so I'm I have to fight that to get out of myself. Because, you know, when I go and I talk to someone, I still want to be there for people, like I don't want to just completely be selfish. I still want to be there for people, but for people who I know are there for me as well, and so, but when I'm there for other people and I can show up for other people like I have a couple of friends who just had a hellish year last year.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm like making sure I like get over there to visit them, because I know they need people outside their house. And that gets me out of my head and the constant buzzing that never stops. So those, that's my big, my biggest tool case, and then I always talk about this with my show, but just in general, is just constantly remembering my why. Why am I even doing this? Why am I trying so hard to make this happen? Why don't I just pick an easier life and I just have to remember my why.
Speaker 2:I think remembering my why is something that I should do better, because I know why and I sit down and I say that in my journal. I know why I'm still doing this, but I think about how hard what we do is all the time. I think about how. You know, I'll do a show. We did a wedding and there was 700 people at the wedding. And we did a show early in the year. There was 3000 people at the show. Like these moments are like huge adrenaline moments where, like I put on really good shows when it's a lot of people in the audience and I'm always excited, I'm never nervous. But then after that, after that release, that moment, that silence after the show, is hard for me. It's like, dominique, you just did something that you love.
Speaker 2:And it's like, but did anyone really care? I find ways to damper my good days too, and remembering the why would help with that. It's just so. It's so interesting, like how often we see people doing exactly what we're doing, how hard it is to do what we do so constantly I'm seeing it happen and I'm seeing examples of it, but I'm still struggling to do it. That why? Uh, it is.
Speaker 1:It is the gift and curse yeah gift and the curse well, and it's becomes something so much more and different for me since this show, like before. My why was because I couldn't imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life and I just want to be. I don't want to be famous, I don't want to be like, I just want to be able to do what I'm good at and love full time. That was it for a while, and then this show happened, which again what you were saying, almost two years ago that I was on here last and I was like just starting to write it.
Speaker 1:I don't think I had even booked my venue yet. Which, that's everyone's favorite story is that I booked a venue before I had a show written. And now, at this point, I did two sold out premiere shows in St Louis, I did the Hollywood Fringe Festival in LA and I did a New York show, and you know I have some. There's a lot of interest in it, and yet I don't let myself just like bask in that for a second.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and.
Speaker 1:I'm like. I'm always like, what's next, what's next, what's next, what's next? I gotta, I gotta get it. It's not what I where, I want it, and but then that's when I have to come back to my why. Because when I finally got the show into the place that it is and when I get to the heart and's of the world, feel less alone and feel seen, because the whole reason, the whole thesis of this show is me walking around feeling like a weirdo and like what's wrong with me, that I seem to be the only one experiencing these things. And from the first time I did the show, and ever since I did it, I've had women come up to me and be like, oh my God, I've never felt so seen by your show and that is my why, and I now have this like mission. It's like I know, like in my core, in my biggest truths, that I have this message that needs to be told for the other me's of the world.
Speaker 2:And you're the only person that could tell it the way that you would.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and that's what I always have to remind myself when, especially, you know, during fringe, all every girl is doing the let's monetize off our trauma shtick right now. That's the shtick right now. And when I realized that and saw that I was like crap. I'm like, oh my God, what makes mine special and I'm like what makes mine special is it's mine, it is my story and it is mine and I'm doing it like it has a purpose, not because I just want to do it and make money and get acclamation. Like I feel like I have this special message that needs to be told and so, honestly, that's what keeps me going these days.
Speaker 2:I think all of what you said. I agree with the idea that, like I've been working on the album and of course, course I do the pod and I do a couple other things, I'm working with a couple bands now the goal was always just to work and to say what do you do when someone asks you, what do you do? I'm a performer. That's the goal.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I'm doing that now, so I'm very fortunate to be in a place where I'm doing it. But of course, the performer in me, like you said, wants more. I want to be performing more, I want to be doing this more, and I read a book where they say that's the job of the artist to continue to make art.
Speaker 2:So that's something that I've kind of stopped beating myself up about wanting to do more, because with this album I'll start writing the album. I great songs on it and after I'm done writing for the album, you know, you get to a point where what's next with that and it's like, no, no, I should still be creating something. And so I started writing the musical and I started writing songs for the musical and then other songs pop up because of the constant art that I'm creating and keeping that muscle working and keeping that muscle clear is so important. So, yeah, that's the one thing I've been able to really help myself with.
Speaker 2:I'm not beating myself up so much because I want more, trying to continue to define what my life is as a performer, because I think the definition of what we do goes against everything. You know, I have a friend in town, adrian's gone to New York for work and while she was gone this guy was like hey, I got a concert on that Friday, you should come out. And I'm like I got rehearsal that night. I'm sorry, dude, and it's not that I don't want to go hang out with him, it's just when other people are doing normal things, usually I'm either gigging or trying to get ready for the gig are doing normal things.
Speaker 2:Usually I'm either gigging or trying to get ready for the gig and I have to be okay with that. Like he like laughs and kind of rolls it off, but he understands because he's like you're a performer, it makes sense, go make your money. And I personally am like I'm so weird. I'm so personally like why do I always have to miss stuff? And it's because that's the life that I chose and I should be okay with that. I gotta be okay with that. So I think it's helpful to be going to a therapist and also to be working on journaling and and finding different things. It's very helpful because it's a constant battle of is this correct? Am I, am I being selfish? Am I doing something that is supposed to be done? Am I just creating something that I have no business creating? Like ah, I don't even have enough words to truly put it out how much it is so difficult to continue to go, but also it's easy because this is what I want to do. It's the weirdest mind fuck in the world.
Speaker 1:It is constantly, and whenever someone asks me, they're like oh, I know someone who is thinking about wanting to become an actor. I go, they're thinking about it and I go. I have a question Is there something else that they could imagine doing for the rest of their life? And they're like, probably. And I go tell them to do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It is hard and it is torture a lot of the time, but I chose it so I can't complain. But I do, but I shouldn't, because I picked it.
Speaker 2:It's so different with everyone on how they approach the arts and I don't really have a problem encouraging people to be performers because I love it so much and if you show interest and you're like I want to do it, I'll give you the keys. I'm like this is what you got to do this is what I do.
Speaker 2:You got to find ways to stand out, you got to find ways to create. But I've heard multiple friends say exactly that that why do you want to go into movies? Don't go into movies, don't do this, don't like. I've heard so many people do that skit because I mean, you ask yourself that all the time yep, why am I doing this? You know, saying like and uh. With all that being said, I feel like this sounds negative, but it isn't, because you're still doing incredible stuff and, like I said, I'm working every week.
Speaker 2:So I'm very blessed and excited. I feel like I've been in a better place mentally with myself all around, and that's very encouraging to hear other folks with their struggles but also see that they're still smiling, still pushing out that art, still trying, because you know, what else are you doing it for, if not that?
Speaker 1:maybe this time I'll be lucky. Maybe this time he'll stay. Maybe this time, for the first time, love won't hurry away. He will hold me fast.
Speaker 2:I'll be home at last Not a loser, of course. Here's a blast from the past. This is from our original show that we made together, the Sammy and Liza show. I did this at Ragsdale's at my old job. I can't believe they let me just rent out the whole basement. We didn't rent it out, we just kind of took over one night and had chairs everywhere and moved the pool table and put on this full show with comedians, with different performers and like an eight piece band. It was such a good time and once again, of course, I love Performer Maria. Hopefully we'll get something together soon in the future is, of course, her singing the famous tune Maybe this Time, and character as Eliza Minnelli. And once again, you can listen to all my music on all streaming platforms. You can check me out for more information at domlamorecom, where you can get anything and everything. Dom Lamore, I hope you enjoy these little nuggets of the performances from back in the day. Being back home, you're working on your show. What else are you trying to do in St Louis?
Speaker 1:Oh boy, so that's the next month or so. I keep laughing because I'm saying remember that one time I was supposed to come home and rest. So I have a whole new show that I'm doing. It's just a cabaret vibe, more of what you and I used to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But it's just a fun show, you know. But it is a whole new show outside of the one I usually do, and then I'm directing a middle school play and getting paid for it. And then I also have two auditions coming up for regional theater shows here that I was convinced to audition for, yeah here that.
Speaker 1:I was convinced to audition for, which is great and hilarious because it's like, oh wow, if these things pan out, I will be like a working full-time actor. Look how that happened. But then I start getting myself stressed out because I'm like but I need to be working on. I've grown plenty of things I need to be working on that. It's a transitional time because it's like right before these auditions and before this show and I don't have everything with the school play mapped out yet. So it's kind of a how's this all going to pan out? So that's everything I'm doing and plus I sang for a lot of weddings and funerals before I moved.
Speaker 1:So, I'm trying to get that going again. Not that I want there to be a lot of funerals.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want a gig.
Speaker 1:I can sing for them, and then, yeah, and then just trying to write original music for I've Grown Plenty, thanks and get it to the next level. That's what we're doing.
Speaker 2:You know what I love Snow. That's crazy to say out loud, I know, but when I was younger and it would snow, that was the coolest thing in the world. And here in Georgia it snowed and it's the most snow that we've gotten in almost 20 years about three inches of snow outside here in Georgia and I got out there and I was shoveling snow and stuff like I hadn't done that in years and it's something that while I was out there, I had to remind myself. You know, yes, I moved away from St Louis to get away from the snow and stuff like this, but it isn't horrible, it isn't all bad. It isn't like something that I should be shaming every time it happens, because it was really cool to get out my boots that I never get to wear and to go out there and be in the snow and for it to be hitting me in the face kind of thing.
Speaker 2:I was like this is a familiar feeling that you only know of if you've grown up with it. There's so many people I met in LA who'd never seen snow before and I complain about it. It's this horrible thing, it's like magic and I'm like that's something that I wish I was able to keep. So when it snowed here, that was a moment where I'm like, okay, I can step back and be like I really do love snow. It's the adult in me who's talking about salt and ice and worried about all that other stuff. The snow part dope.
Speaker 1:Can I pick the same one?
Speaker 2:Go ahead and say it yeah.
Speaker 1:This is so relevant right now. You know what I love. I also love snow, and I'll tell you why. Because it's been here all week in St Louis and everyone is griping and upset about it, and I understand. If you have a job or you have to go, no matter what, it's terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Being in New York. I didn't get to enjoy it because the only way you didn't have to go out in it for work is if they stopped the subways, which took a lot. If they stopped the subway, then we got off work. So if it snowed, I was like trucking through it and it was like, but being here and I haven't had to go to work much this week, I've really loved it. I've really loved being like snowed in and I keep looking out my window because there's like all trees and it just looks so beautiful and it's so peaceful and serene to watch and it's just little things like that that I take for granted that are like so calming to my nervous system and my soul. So I also love snow and I'm sorry for all the people who are hating it and already over it in St Louis because we got so much this week, but as of now, I'm loving it.
Speaker 2:Well, we made it to the end of the episode and I always appreciate your time, thank you. I always appreciate seeing your face, hearing your voice, and we spoke about everything we want to speak about. So all I want to hear now is how do you feel?
Speaker 1:I feel raw, but that's, that is how I felt since I moved back. But I feel raw, but I feel not in a bad way, like I feel raw, but I feel like, okay, we're doing it, we're here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel very present, I feel present here, yeah, I feel very present. I feel present, raw and present, raw and present cheers. Thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you for listening to the black man talking emotions podcast. The opening quote, credit goes to aa. And shout out to the liza, to my sammy follow maria at m-a-r-i-a. Underscore bartolotta b-a-r. T-o-l-o-t-t-a. Underscore one on instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating five stars, please, please and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. If you like this episode, you should check out our previous episode titled Sammy and Liza reunion. It's a great listen, check it out. Follow me at D O M underscore L A M O U R on Instagram or at domlamorecom. I'm Dom Lomore. Much love.
