"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
Lessons Learned: A Journey Through Friendship and the Military
Dom L'Amour speaks with Friend of the show of the show Ryan O'fallon AKA @Ofallonryan about going to college in Cape Girardeau, Life in the Air force and Growth.
Dive into an engaging exploration of relationships, personal growth, and life lessons woven seamlessly into the experiences shared through the years at Southeast Missouri State University and the vibrant culture of Cape Girardeau. In this episode, Dom and special guest Ryan O'Fallon reflect on their time in college, discussing how friendships were forged amid the backdrop of youthful exuberance and burgeoning adulthood. At the heart of their recollections are the complex dynamics of loyalty, misunderstanding, and growth, underscoring the lessons learned during vibrant yet challenging years spent in a quaint college town. They candidly traverse emotions tied to camaraderie, rivalry, and the meaningful connections that shaped them as individuals.
Ryan shares poignant stories from his military career, detailing how the discipline and values learned have profoundly influenced his perspectives today. Balancing light-hearted moments with profound discussions, the episode resonates with listeners who have navigated similar paths. Emphasizing self-responsibility, resilience, and understanding, it paints a comprehensive picture of growth that surpasses the limits of comfort zones. The conversation burgeons with relatable tales of nostalgia, showcasing how memories from Cape Girardeau linger warmly in their hearts while encouraging introspection about one's journey.
Through laughter and reflection, this episode not only celebrates the past but also champions how experiences can mold us into the individuals we aspire to be. Stay tuned for insights and encouragement, and please subscribe to join our community as we craft stories through the lens of life.
Opening quote: JFK
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and from Piano Soul Vol.1 (Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "HoneySuckle Rose" By Fats Waller
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @dom_lamour on Instagram. Or at
One of my troops is a homosexual. Not only that, he's a homosexual black man. Dom Treat him no different than any other troop, any other person that I meet, because he's a human being like me. I took all of this that I got from Cape Girardeau and it still helps me in my 12 year military career today. The people that I met down there may have not been my favorite people, but they all taught me lessons. They all taught me something and I've taken it with me every day. Now, some of them, if I see them on the you know, if I see them outside, they may not get a positive wave from me, I might cross to the other side of the street, but I'll still see them and go in my head. You taught me something, good or bad or indifferent, you taught me something and it still sticks with me.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen and anyone else who is here, my name is Dom LaMoure and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode, I speak with close friend Ryan O'Fallon about going to college in Cape Girardeau, life in the Air Force and growth. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. You're as St Louis as possible right now. You got a blue shirt on All day, every day City hat on PGA Belle Reve Budweiser right behind your hat.
Speaker 2:It's stupid how ridiculously St Louis you are right.
Speaker 1:Now, it's in the blood man. Right, it's in the blood man it's in the blood.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, like you, wake up. Like what else can I make st louis? Oh, I'm wearing city socks. There it, there it is. I was just about to say I bet you socks or drawers or st louis, and that is hilarious, perfect. Thank you, man. Thank you for doing this. I've had pretty much all my core friends on this. You were one of the last, I believe. I'm trying to think of who else I haven't had on, but you were the one of the ones that wanted to do first season, but I just didn't have enough time to fit you in and make a compelling episode with. So, thank you.
Speaker 2:I know we're going to talk military stuff eventually, but I wanted to go further than that. I want to go back to college. I wanted to go back to us meeting in the time machine. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the reason why is one thing that happens on this podcast a lot is we get to talking and a lot of stories from simo arise and people go through their turmoil, people go through their pleasures, people go through anything that made them feel in college. And one person. If you were to say, dominique, who's the one person you think that is the most negative about CMO, I would put you at the top of that list faster than any one else so wanted to talk. And we're not going to just talk negatively. Of course we'll start off with some of the like just trying to understand more of why it was a certain way for you. But then by the end I want to. I want some positives from Cape Jard, or why you enjoyed or at least what you take from your lessons in the city. So kind of give people a eye view of your frustrations with Southeast Missouri State University.
Speaker 1:I enjoyed it starting out there. You know we started in the fall of 2009. We all came together. You'd already been there for a year, being a class ahead of me. Two years, two years oh it was two years. Good Lord, you, old man. Two years, two years oh it was two years. Good Lord, you, old man. But you know, showing up and meeting all these new people is first time on your own and I'm a very loyal person, as you know. So, bringing these new people into my life, I wanted them to be as close as they possibly could to me. So I have always had this view of. I have this very long reach of friendship. I put it out there immediately. I put myself out there and here I am as I am. Accept me, please.
Speaker 1:Yeah, with all the you know the broken problems I had, my anger being the number one cause. I guarantee the people listening who did know me back then, no, I was a very angry guy, yeah, and that comes from just a long time of of bullying, from when I was a kid, bullied viciously through grade school and then came into high school and came into my own. But I wanted that friendship to start, so it started out really good there at the beginning, but then, as we kept going through the years, I started noticing people starting to leave me behind or they would say one thing to my face, but then I was hearing everything else that was coming from behind my back and I didn't know about it because a lot of people didn't trust me for some reason and I didn't feel I was doing too many untrusting things. I was this very selfish guy for a little while, was doing my own thing. I'd been hurt a lot. Women in my past had drugged me down For a while. There I was a womanizer, hence the she-devil-ness came out of me and I was very much. I'm not looking for anyone. I'm not looking to try to be with one singular person. I was trying to be with a lot of people just for fun. In that course, I heard a lot of people in the progress of doing that, not realizing it at the time.
Speaker 1:Obviously, 2011 is when I left and then 2012 is when I joined. So a lot of time to reflect, 10 plus years of time to reflect on some of the decisions I've made. So I can understand where some people had a problem with me, but in the end I felt that I was a very loyal person, a very loyal friend, and I was surrounded by a lot of people who weren't loyal to me and that hurt, because I put myself out there. So much for so many people just to find out that they had this very negative view of me and, instead of confronting me because they felt I'd be too angry to talk to which I wouldn't have been if you would have sat me down and said, hey, I have a problem, let's talk about it. I would have done that, but so many people were scared of my reaction that, instead of coming to me, they went behind my back and, man, you know, I turned around and I found so many knives there that I was shocked by it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, especially because we're performance majors, of course. So in the theater department there's always going to be some type of gossip or stereotypes and, weirdly, I remember I'm not even going to say who it was, but there was this girl that maybe three years after college we had got drinks, hung out and she was telling me about how. You know, I always wanted to get to know you more and I was, I was attracted to you or whatever. And I'm like, OK, because she had boyfriend at this point so she can talk freely. And she's like I just I always felt like you were just a player, you were this guy who always had all these women and this and that, and I was like, wait a minute, Did you ever like, like really you felt that way.
Speaker 2:She's like I don't know, I just feel like I kind of noticed you walking around and everyone would talk this way about you and I just kind of heard what you were and thought that's what you were, but that's not really you, and I'm like I don't understand how we could have been somewhere for so long and grew up together. I feel like a lot of us grew up and became adults and actually molded ourselves into who we are in this place with these people, but then you can have a moment where someone is like I treated you like a person from arm's length. I treated you like a person from arm's length. I didn't want to have you that close because the rumors about you told me one thing about you that I didn't realize wasn't true. It just blows my mind how often that happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it happened quite a lot and that's why I gravitated and we've talked about this to the older classmen, the more veteran men around me, because I could see that I connected more with you, with Mark, with Tommy, with Jeff Holtmeyer, with Lopenote, with the list goes on. I felt more a part of that class than I did my own class, which kind of hurt because, like I've said, my class is my class. These are my people and the core group that came in with me. I felt the responsibility to be loyal to them because they were my class and that was very personal to me at the time. And then later on I found out that some of those were the biggest people going around saying a lot of things about me that I didn't know about, that my wife had to tell me about years later and that kind of realization like wow, I really had this one train of thought about that time there. And now it's been very skewed. As you said, I'm the number one hater when it comes to Cape Girardeau and Southeast and the theater department, and it's because I found out so much stuff after we were gone that it just really destroyed the two and a half years of the time that I had there.
Speaker 1:For those of you who may or may not be listening, I'm not blaming you. I have a lot of stuff that was my own fault and I take responsibility for that. I made terrible choices. I left there because I had poor grades, because I made bad choices, because I wanted to party and drink and live it up. So don't think I'm sitting here saying it's all your fault that my college time was the worst, because at the end of the day, even though I may have a negative view, I came out of there with some of the greatest people that I still have the pleasure of knowing, to include you, mark Richard, tommy Statler, who I've lost touch with, sadly, but I still see every now and then on Facebook and social media. So I, tommy, you're listening. I wish you well, buddy, and I hope we can connect soon to Jeff Holtmeyer, who called me and I still one of my favorite things that Jeff did right before I deployed to Saudi Arabia he called me, wished me the best and told me that if he needed, if I needed anything legally to involve my family, a distribution of assets, god forbid anything happened to me that he was willing to do those things for me I hadn't talked to Jeff in I don't know how many years before that phone call and he still reached out, knowing where I was going.
Speaker 1:It's amazing I met so many great people who are still a part of my life in one way or another, whether that's me and you, who talk on a regular basis. We just saw each other just about two weeks ago. Yep had on a regular basis. We just saw each other just about two weeks ago had lunch. You know, mark and I haven't seen each other in a while time. But, mark, I've talked to Mark four times last year, five times, which, in the line of work we're all in, is amazing that we got to connect that many times. Because I'm on the East coast, he's on the West coast, you're down in Georgia with me on the East coast, but our lives are so spread that we still find these perfect little moments. Whether it's midday or late at night, we end up on the phone for about an hour, hour and a half.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is beautiful. That is something that I really do count my blessings on. How often I get to speak to people that I've known for a long time, I feel like it's something that I truly pride myself on. Being a person who is able to keep a relationship with someone genuine for years and years, and that's so dope to be able to have these moments and to be able to even reminisce about, you know, a time where we all were together. And the one thing that I'm really glad to hear and I was going to ask, but I feel like I don't even really have to now because you do it already you see your flaws in the things that happened back then, the negativity. You still can sit back and be like you know what? I still have some of the best people around me. I have my wife and my family because of that place, so, like you still see the good that came from it, but also you see that you could have handled things differently. Oh, so much yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I feel like that's something that I talk about a lot to people where I hear someone say I wish I can go back and change this. I wish I can go back, and it's like if you change it, you wouldn't learn from it. So, being in a place now where you can actually look back and be like man, I could have done this better, but now I'm becoming a better person myself, I'm pushing myself to do the right things, that's the growth as an adult. That's what it's all about Seeing what you could do better and doing better period. Yeah, I always think of Cape in positive light because of the relationships I built there. But when I talk about but I really embraced the city of Cape Girardeau and I go there on the way home most of the time. When I drive to St Louis, I stop through Cape every time.
Speaker 1:I'm almost jealous of it because I wish that I had that path, because, coming from DC, I go up through Pennsylvania, west Virginia, ohio, indianapolis and then Illinois. So I come through from the top, you're coming from the bottom. I would love to be able to go down and revisit. Go to Burritoville, god do.
Speaker 2:I miss Burritoville.
Speaker 1:What was the Cajun restaurant down there on Broussard's? One of the best bread puddings, etouffee. It tastes just like. Burritoville, the alligator, etouffee and a bread pudding after, if I ever end up on death row for whatever reason, that might be top five last meals.
Speaker 2:Yep, I actually took Adrian to Lambert's. We went there a couple of months ago maybe in October I think and it was everything Like dude next to us got hit by a roll. You got the full experience of Lambert. She caught her one. I had me a huge Arnold Palmer right next to me. It was the. It reminded me exactly how I was and I had oh my God, I had the most country thing I've had in a while. I had the white beans and bologna that they made. That's like the most country ever. I was eating the white beans and the bologna with the big roll and they have the apple butter and the fried okra.
Speaker 1:Macaroni and tomatoes.
Speaker 2:It was amazing man, and I feel like those are the things that it's hard for me to hate completely on southeast missouri, because it introduced me to so many things that I still cherish, like, oh, lambert's. Like I only can do lambert's like once a year, but when I do it it's it's always reminds me of the fun times we had in college. You remember we drove down there once and just it was just, let's go to Lambert's, fuck it.
Speaker 1:We did it on a whim. We went there for one of if we're going to go, we want to switch to a little bit of positive of Cape Girardeau. That was one of my birthdays, one of my first birthdays down there. A bunch of us went down for my birthday to Lambert's and that remember when they used to serve the country fried steak in the pan. They make it in the pan and then serve it to you in a pan with green beans, mashed potatoes and all the fixings and then they gave you that to-go cup, that mug.
Speaker 2:The thing is I forgot about the mug. When we walked in and sat at the table and they put the mug down, I was like, oh my god, I forgot. This is how you drink the drink here.
Speaker 1:You get to keep it ah, that's the best part you get. They don't charge you extra that well they.
Speaker 2:Now you can't keep it, and I almost bought one because I was like damn, I used to have one of these and I don't know where mine is. Mine is in la somewhere. Some dudes got it at a pawn shop, more or less.
Speaker 1:Mine's somewhere in Jeff and Maggie's house. I know that it's somewhere.
Speaker 2:I got to find one, Like I was going to buy one because the newer ones are great, but they all. It's exactly how it was. What would be something you could say helped you get you to where you are now? You have a family, you're working, you have a house over your head, like you're not a bum on the streets. How did Cape Girardeau propel you to where you are now?
Speaker 1:Cape taught me that I had a lot of growing up to do. For those of you who don't know the reason why I had to not had to, but the reason why I chose the military and we'll get to that that career part of it, but I went home after being academically suspended from Cape Girardeau. I part of it, but I went home after being academically suspended from Cape Girardeau. I let my grades drop too far. They were like hey, you know, we understand, but you need to take a semester off and you can come back in the fall. I had a choice to make and at the time y'all were leaving. That was your graduating year and I'm still upset with myself that I got suspended, that I missed out on a lot not being down there. I still came down almost every other weekend to party and hang out, but I missed out on so many things being with you guys graduating. So my plan was to go with. I knew you guys were going to LA, so I was like I'm going with you, I don't need no dang degree, I can just get into the industry. Yeah, and everyone's like that. You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Talking in my ear. You know if you don't have a degree. And I said you know what? I don't care, I'm willing to work for it. And I had found a stuntman school in California that I wanted to go to and I could get my license as a stuntman. And I was like, well, I don't got to be an actor, I'll be the guy that gets thrown through a glass window. Heck, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do all this crazy stuff. So I was going to go home, work with my, my mom, get another job and just save my money and live with mom and dad and save up 10 grand to go to the school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, however, I have a very strict, very hard nose, but loving father and my father did not like that plan in the slightest. Yeah. And he came to me one day and he said either you go back to school in the fall or you're paying rent. And at the time, as a 21-year-old kid at the time and I say kid for those of you listening if you're around you are still a kid at the age of 21. You can go buy alcohol, you are still a kid. He said either go back or pay rent. And I said F you, dad, I ain't doing that.
Speaker 1:That showed me that I needed to grow, so going forward, the positives that came out were just simply I saw that there was an error in my decision-making, that I wasn't using self-responsibility, which is the biggest thing. If I can teach anyone anything in this world, self-responsibility is the best thing that you can have, having the mentality to sit there and go. This was my fault. Even though some things may have been out of my control. I still have a part to play and I need to take the responsibility for that. So I said, okay, it's time to grow, it's time to move on. The positives coming out again we're having friends like you and Mark by my side. You were groomsmen in my wedding, which is still one of the greatest things. You all still owe me money. Fyi, you all never paid up on the bet. I didn't shed a single tear. You did cry. What are you talking about? I didn't cry. You didn't cry that day. No, not during the ceremony.
Speaker 2:You all said I would cry it wasn't during the ceremony.
Speaker 3:The bet was I would cry.
Speaker 1:You said I would cry during the ceremony and I did not. I ceremony and I did not. I didn't show the whole day. No, it was not, sir. I remember.
Speaker 1:I'm not wrong, you are wrong sorry, you remember that uh, I'll tell you a great positive and I'm sure we might talk about this a little bit the LGBTQ community. I met some amazing people. It was my first exposure to people in those categories people like Jess Love if she's ever listened to this, one of the best people I've. I met some amazing people. It was my first exposure to people in those categories People like Jess Love if she's ever listened to this, one of the best people I've known.
Speaker 1:We've lost touch over the years, but having people like them in my life and learning about why and how this all happened was huge for a Irish Catholic kid from South City. I didn't have that exposure. I always knew about it. My uncle, chris God rest his soul just passed away. He was gay but I didn't. I didn't understand it growing up and then you know, obviously, growing through the time that we grew up, you know it was always a bullying thing calling you gay or you know any one of the slurs which I won't use, but I didn't get it.
Speaker 1:So when those kind of cognitives came out and then I met people who were of that persuasion, I came to realize oh, they're normal people, they're just like me, they just like their same sex or other, whatever. They're no different than me. They bleed like me, they love like me, they drink like me, some drink better than me and they were beautiful people. So my view towards the people of those selections are is massive. My view towards the people of those selections are is massive, and I'll I'll swerve into my military career just a little bit. Logan Ireland is a master sergeant. He's currently serving in our air force and is a transgendered woman to man, and he's currently a man, formerly Sarah Ireland. I met him when he was transitioning and he's one of the greatest people I've met in my career still serving today. You want to talk about being in a foxhole with somebody. You want someone on your back when you're in the head in the shit pardon my French that man. I want him in the foxhole next to me because I know I'm going home alive, because he's a fighter. If I didn't meet people like that in Cape Girardeau and then came into the military, I might have a different view, and I don't. One of my troops is a homosexual. Not only that, he's a homosexual black man, dom. Treat him no different than any other troop, any other person that I meet, because he's a human being like me.
Speaker 1:I took all of this that I got from Cape Girardeau and it still helps me in my 12 year military career today. The people that I met down there may have not been my favorite people, but they all taught me lessons. They all taught me something and I've taken it with me every day. Now some of them, if I see them on the you know, if I see them outside, they may not get a positive wave from me. I might cross to the other side of the street, but I'll still see them and go in my head. You taught me something, good or bad or indifferent. You taught me something and it still sticks with me.
Speaker 2:That's important and that's dope me something and it still sticks with me. That's important and that's dope and that's a different view of Cape Girardeau than you would hear from most folks. Most folks talk about Southeast Missouri and how conservative it is down there and, like gay people have a huge community in this space still, and they were very much in all areas of the city. When I was downtown working at Buckner's, it wasn't unnatural to see drag queens come and do shows at Buckner's. They used to have a whole drag show at Cape Port Cape Like. It was not odd, it was, it was a part of the culture. That was really, really dope. And that's such a dope lesson to take from Cape Cheesy dope lesson to take from Cape Cheesy and to continue to hopefully give people a different understanding of what it's like in Southeast Missouri. It's not as bad as people make it out in. Missouri has its problems, but I loved my time in Cape and the people that I met and it was just incredible. And the people that I met and it was just incredible.
Speaker 2:I've known Ryan since before I met him.
Speaker 2:Actually, he was an item with a friend of mine from high school and I was told to look out for him when he made it down to Southeast Missouri State University.
Speaker 2:Ryan and I have been through a lot together and I initiated him into my family and our theater group frat but not really a frat, it's the university players with nerds.
Speaker 2:My family was the she Devils and you hear that that comes up earlier in the pod and later on in the pod. He and I lived with each other at one point during my senior year and we have kept in touch while he has been moving around the country as a security forces officer. So I'm so proud of him and his family and I send nothing but love their way and I very much appreciate him taking some time and coming on the pod and sharing his story and I hope people can kind of get a good visual of what kind of person he is and the type of person that I see in him. I think he's just an incredible person. Move into your life now because you left that, had to make a huge decision because of an ultimatum and ended up where you are now and I know being in the military has its ups and downs and different things but kind of give people a picture of why you chose the military and how it's formed you into who you are now.
Speaker 1:So, before I start in my military career, my name is Staff Sergeant Ryan O'Fallon. I am currently a member of the 316th Security Forces Squadron. Any opinions or views that I may speak about in this podcast do not reflect the United States Air Force or the United States government or any officers that serve above me, to include the president of the United States secretary of defense or the joint chiefs of staff. With that being said, it's always fun, you know, because real is real. I'm a member of the United States Air Force, I'm a member of the military and I lose certain freedoms. I'm a protector of freedoms, but I lose certain freedoms in serving this country. So I have to be very careful in letting people know that my views may align with yours or not, and I'm still going to put that uniform on every day and serve the people of this country. But getting started in how this came about. So, as I said before, dad gives me that ultimatum, says, hey, pay rent or go back to school. Well, I didn't want to go back to school because I just had no desire to be there anymore. I loved being down there with everyone, but the biggest thing I was fighting was I was going to school for a BFA in acting and directing. For those of you who don't know Bachelor in Fine Arts, acting, directing. I wanted to be an actor director. No, bachelor in fine arts, acting, directing. I wanted to be an actor, an actor director, and I loved the theater classes. I loved stage combat. That was my niche. If anyone knew me, you knew stage combat was my thing.
Speaker 1:But I couldn't stand going to my my regular classes. I hated math. I was terrible. That's ultimately why I left was math. I failed the same math class three times and that's not because I didn't go, that's because I was bad at it. I just couldn't do it. It was terrible at science. The only classes I passed when I was down there that weren't theater related were English literature and history. Those are the only classes I could pass. I couldn't pass anything else.
Speaker 1:Going forward I was like, well, I can't go back to school and I want to go to LA, but I don't have enough money and I can't stay here in my dad's house because eventually it was going to come to blows between my dad and I. So one night, sitting with my mother and we were watching a popular TV show back in that time called Justified. Justified is about a US marshal in Harlan County, kentucky. One of my favorite shows, still one of my go-tos, if I got something I need to stream. And mom was like well, what are you going to do? And I said I don't know, mom, I just I got to figure something out and she goes. Well, what about that? And she pointed at the TV to Timothy Oliphant on the screen and I'm like mom, I can't go back to school.
Speaker 1:I thinking she was talking about acting. She's like no, what about you, love? You know him in the US Marshals, you could do that. She's like well, what about the military? And he said you told me I couldn't join the military. That was my original plan. My original plan was 18 years old, graduate high school and go sign up for the Marine Corps. She was like well, I kind of changed my mind because you need something. I said, okay, I'll go talk to a Marine recruiter.
Speaker 1:So dad came the next morning and obviously I didn't want to do this without telling my father because I knew there'd be just you know, boy, and you talked to me about it and I didn't want to deal with that. Dad, if you listen to this, you know I love you. So the next day I tell my father. I said, dad, I'm not paying you rent and I'm not going back to school, I'm going to go join the Marines. And he goes you're not joining the Marines, I'm trying to get there and you can't stop me. He goes no, you're going to join the Air Force.
Speaker 1:And I said, dad, I don't want to join the chair force. Even I made fun of it. Everybody, yeah, he goes. No, come down to my building. At the time my dad worked for federal protective services downtown near Scott trade. In the federal building he said come down and talk to Captain Stone, who was my boss. He was in the Air Force for 20 years and he was a recruiter on point. Come talk to him. So I went down, talked to Captain Stone. He sold me on the Air Force.
Speaker 2:What was the big like okay.
Speaker 1:Air Force, the ease in which the Air Force can provide access to schooling and the access to allowing you the opportunity to do it while you're working. He really sold me on how the job is. Whatever job you got, the Air Force is very flexible in its operations. So I was like okay, let me go hook up with a recruiter, because obviously Captain Stone, who worked with my dad, couldn't do that for me. So he hooked me up with one of his buddies, tech Sergeant Lewis Tart. Sergeant Tart, if you magically hear this, you didn't warn me and I'm coming for you if I ever find you. So I went and hooked up with Tech Sergeant Tartt and he gave he was like all right, man, tell me about yourself, what you want to do. And I was like well, you know, everyone makes jokes about the chair force and you know they don't do anything. And blah, blah, blah. I said I don't want to. I was like who are the guys that do stuff like you know the badasses? And he was like well, there's, you know PJ, which is one of our pararescuemen badass guys. He told me all the tactical guys, seer and CCT and all these cool guys. I was like all right, I mean that sounds cool, I said, but that you know, I don't know if that's me. I was like, what about police? I was like you guys have military police. He's like, oh yeah, it's called security forces. And I was like, cool, I want to do that because I want to carry a gun every day. And everyone might hear that and think, oh, this guy. And I said no. I said the reason why I want to carry a gun every day is I want to be able to do something if the situation arises. If something goes down, I want to be able to defend myself and those around me with appropriate force. So he tells me yeah, got you. Now, unbeknownst to me at the time, security forces is one of the easiest things to get into. We are one of the top manned personnel in the United States Air Force. We have, I think, the biggest career field numbers wise. So he sold me into that.
Speaker 1:I signed up and I left for San Antonio, texas, on October 8th 2012, down to Joint Base Lackland where I did eight weeks of basic military training. Joint Base Lackland, where I did eight weeks of basic military training, and then I left my BMT squadron and drove 600 yards across the base to the 343rd Training Squadron for Security Forces. I didn't go anywhere, yeah, yeah, to then continue my tech school training, because a lot of people don't know is if, when you join the military, you do your basic training, which teaches you how to be a basic person in the military, and then you go to your technical training, which is your actual job. Now it's a little different with Air Force, army, navy Marines. It's all different.
Speaker 1:So then I went to 343rd and trained from December through March of 2012 to become a security forces member, and then got my orders to my first ever base, which was Whiteman Air Force Base in Kansas City, missouri, and when I first got them, I said, wait, missouri. I said there's no Air Force Base in Missouri. And they went yeah, there is. I said no, the closest one's in Illinois and it's Scott. And they said, no, there's one next to Kansas City. To that point, 21 years on this earth had zero idea that Whiteman Air Force Base is in Warrensburg, missouri, so went over there in May of 2012 and started my career as a security forces member protecting the B-2 bomber and nuclear weapons. Where are you now? So now I'm stationed here in beautiful Washington DC, joint Base Andrews.
Speaker 2:I'm so proud of you, dude. That's such a cool position to be able to say that you're in a place that's so historic as Washington DC and doing important work too. And I understand from the jump, because even in college you were always very much you wanted to be active, you wanted to do things with the hands. You wanted to do stage combat because you actually were essential to helping create something. You were a part of it, you were making things happen. So it only makes sense that you would go in and do something that has a purpose like that in the military.
Speaker 1:I was going to say. Some people might argue it's because I'm violent and angry.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean you say that, but I mean I feel like you're a lot more relaxed now than you used to be, and that's because of the military, more likely, especially now. You're a lot more grounded and I bet you, your patience is way more in a place now that if you were to go through the stuff in Cape it would upset you in some ways. Yes, but also you have the training to keep your cool. You know what I'm saying. That's just. That's just what I'm. I'm, I'm assuming assuming Because I know how different you are now compared to back then. I was there, I seen it, I was a part of the moment.
Speaker 1:So to be where you are now is great 100% and that's going back to what we were leading to earlier was the discipline is what I needed. That was what I was leading to when we were talking about me leaving Cape Girardeau the personal responsibility and discipline being the biggest thing, and that's what the military gave me was discipline. And then to continue talking about cool is becoming security forces, a military policeman. I've learned that in the past, so I've been for seven years doing security work, so I didn't really do anything law enforcement wise until I got here in 2019, just before the pandemic as a law enforcement officer. So that's what I primarily work now and that discipline and that level-headedness is needed on a day-to-day basis doing my job, because you never know what you're going to walk into.
Speaker 1:Because, as much as I don't do as much as my civilian counterparts whether that be in St Louis, new York, my own Metro PD here in DC I don't encounter half or even 75% of what they do, but we still get pretty serious situations here on the base between the personnel that work and live here to the civilian populace who may come onto the base and start problems.
Speaker 1:I've discovered that I want twofold to be the first guy in to protect and serve and defend anyone around me, but I also want to be the first to save the people that I and defend anyone around me, but I also want to be the first to save the people that I'm dealing with, because, at the end of the day, it's about going home to my family and my kids. That's my number one priority. I don't care who you are, where you come from. If you're interacting with me, know that my goal is to protect you, but I'm going to do what I need to do to come home to my family. And it's not out of selfishness, like I'm still going to do everything in my power to help you, but if you put me at risk, I have to do what I need to do to come home.
Speaker 2:When you look at your career now, because I know you're in a place now where you have a new job and doing stuff than where you were when you first started. But how do you view like the future, like, are you like itching to get to a place where you're like out Cause, like that's that's going to take that discipline away? Or are you trying to find different ways to advance in the military?
Speaker 1:My number one goal is I'm going to retire. That wasn't the initial goal when I first joined. The initial plan was to do six years my six year contract that I signed on for. I moved back to St Louis and joined the police force in St Louis with my best friend, david Griffin, who currently is still on the police force and a detective in St Louis, and that was it until I got married and then continued to kind of change my ideals of what I wanted to do. And then I'll tell you, a big contributing factor that kind of ended that plan was the Mike Brown situation happened in St Louis and I'm not going to say how I feel towards either way, but the big thing that came out for me was the image of police dipped very badly in that time Because growing up the police and the firefighters were the biggest heroes in the world and the military.
Speaker 1:Of course I've dealt with Mr Kaufman, who was a grade school parent of mine, and Mr Griffin, who were a police detective and a firefighter, and they were the two coolest guys to me, because what else is there at that point Besides being a cool guy in the military? I didn't have any of those at the time. Growing up, you respected police officers when you saw them, whether they were doing a traffic stop or doing crossing guard duty or whatever. The shield that a cop wore was the coolest and most respected thing to me. And then I had firefighters who saved lives and put out fires on a daily basis. What a trip.
Speaker 1:But then we have the incident involving Mike Brown and image of police in this country really starts to go down, and I had a conversation with myself and I was like I don't want to be the guy that gets yelled at or spat on or called a racist or anything like that. I don't want that to be my daily life, because I want people to be happy that I showed up to help them, cause that's the biggest thing is. It's not about looking good in the uniform and shiny badge and all that and having authority. It's about helping. And I know a lot of people say, oh, cops aren't properly trained to do it.
Speaker 1:I said, yeah, they're not wrong, we don't receive the best training, but it's really about the individual. Yeah, it's always about the person. Yeah, exactly, and that's what I wish a lot of people. If you listen to this, it's it's what I want you to understand is there. There are a lot of good police officers out there, doesn't matter what color they are. There are men and women in our country who go into work every day and put a uniform on because they want to better the people around them and in their community and help them.
Speaker 2:But with that being said and not to push back, but just in general, because I grew up in a house, my great grandfather was a detective for the St Louis Police Department, so respect the police in our house. But also my grandpa was very big on understanding. Dominique, I got to let you know that you can't drive in these certain areas because they're going to pull you over. You can't do this, you can't do that. So I had an understanding that there are certain things that are not in my control, that I just have to understand but also respect this, because you have family and legacy. That's involved with that as well.
Speaker 2:When it comes to other people, like I can't speak for the world, but I personally think that person thing goes back to what we were talking about earlier. You know certain people from college or from areas that see you and they think one thing you know what I'm saying, and so a weird thing that always happens to me when I'm meeting people. I don't know why, but people are always really nice to me, if that makes sense. Nice in the sense that my wife would tell me this person's mean to everyone. So don't be surprised. If they're mean, then I meet them. They're the nicest person ever, and everyone in the room is like, why are they being nice to you? And so it's hard for me to read how people are. But certain people will look at someone and be like I'm going to treat him this way, but I think he's dumb, or something like that. You know, like the stereotype is built up, and then when you have certain people that you know who are in the police department, you have your pre ideas of what kind of person they are.
Speaker 1:You're talking about prejudices.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah exactly and and no, and it's. It's a hundred percent true, and it's. It's everywhere in our world. It's in every. I don't care if you're a fireman, if you're police, if you're an office worker, if you're a ditch digger, an electrician. Everyone has prejudices, and it's, it's not even in them. They're like well, you're taught that. No, you're not you.
Speaker 1:Yesterday, I had a medical emergency at our front gate with a young man. He pulled up, had no affiliation or base, wasn't in the military, he was a civilian. He was having an allergic reaction to something, and we found out he was allergic to avocados and amoxicillin. In this moment, though, we have to be cognizant that he could possibly be on drugs because of where we are located. Prince George's County, which is where my base is located, is equivalent to East St Louis. That makes sense. So it's not that I'm taking a prejudice, it's I'm taking a precautionary measure for myself and those around me that, yes, he may say he's having an allergic reaction, but I need to be safe in case he is lying. I still treated him as a human being. He's a 20 old. He's 20 year old African-American male, and he's he had hives all over him. He was scratching vigorously, you know.
Speaker 1:I told him straight up in the moment. I said okay, you're allergic to avocados and amoxicillin. I said, great. I said I'm going to tell you this right now. And this is exactly what I said I don't care if you use drugs, I do not care. It is not my goal right now to hook you up because you use drugs. I need to know what you may have taken so I can save your life. I was like have you been exposed to fentanyl? Have you been? Do you do cocaine? Do you do anything? And he told me I smoke weed. I said, great, don't care about that, my medics are on the way and we're going to take care of it.
Speaker 1:If he would have used, the biggest fear was fentanyl. That was the one thing I wanted to find out, because now I and everyone around me could possibly be exposed. So gloves come on. And we helped him out. We got him to the hospital. I rode with him the whole way in the ambulance. I jumped in with him just because again, safety reasons, because I had two small female medics who showed up to help him and just in case, just in case something happens, I wanted them to have someone there to protect them. It's not that I wanted to do harm or anything like that, it's a simple precaution.
Speaker 1:Through everything he was fine, got the help he needed, called us later that day because he had to leave his vehicle here. He called us at our desk, said, hey, this is Mr Williams, I'm here to pick up my vehicle and I said cool, we're going to bring your keys to you. It's up at the visitor center and he was on his way. So that's a positive, you know, very positive and good reaction. But we all like we were talking about coming back this prejudice of me having that reaction as a white we'll just say police officer, because that's what I am at the end of the day with an African-American goes smoothly. I didn't fear him, I didn't feel and threaten anything like that. It's about responding to what happens around me. It could have gone a different way. It a hundred percent Cause, going back to maybe something that was a negative reaction. That didn't end up badly.
Speaker 1:But we had a individual last year who started a shootout off our base in Morningside County, led police on a vigorous chase to our main gate. He crashed his vehicle at the intersection just outside of my gate, killing one man in another vehicle. When he crashed into him, jumped out of his vehicle with a weapon and ran onto my base. And for those of you who aren't familiar with how jurisdiction works, when you come to a military base, normally there is a line of some sort painted on the ground. Ours is blue. When you cross that blue line, you go from whatever county or city or district you're in let's call it civilian property to military property. So he ran across that blue line armed with a weapon and the only thing that I heard was hey, we have someone running on our base at the main gate with a weapon.
Speaker 1:I was police one that day. I jumped in my vehicle and drove to the scene. I had my weapon ready because, like I said before, at the end of the day it's about me going home. I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure I go home, but I'm also going to do whatever I can to make sure that everyone around me is protected, because my family, my two kids and my wife, live on this base. I'm currently on base in a house provided by the government, but I'm concerned about everyone around me, so I was fully prepared to use my weapon if this man did not adhere to my instruction.
Speaker 1:Luckily, when I got on scene he listened Me and five other civilian police officers who pulled onto the base, who were pursuing him, held him at gunpoint. He listened to our commands, dropped the weapon and we secured him. And everyone's like, oh man, that must have been terrible. You know you could have been hurt. You know they could have been hurt. Somebody could have been hurt. They could have been hurt, somebody could have been hurt. I'm like, yeah, luckily no one was and sadly someone did lose their life in the car accident that he caused and he's currently going to have to deal with that.
Speaker 1:And then they're like well, what if he didn't do what you said? Then I would have used force. And they're like, well, do you if it would affect me? I really think it would. I don't have this idea that I could discharge that weapon and not be affected. Yeah, but I luckily haven't had to approach that line. I have never had to use force in my career. It's been 12 years and I pray every day that I'd never have to use force. Most men and women that serve or work in police don't want that. We're not these hyped up guys who you know, you think you know we want to go over to Afghanistan or Iraq or any of these countries we may go to and you think we're about going and killing people. We're not. We want to go home. We want to come home to the safety of our families and our friends and just be normal people, right.
Speaker 2:We're just normal men and women who have answered a call to serve our country to the best of our ability. They're upset about wars that we're in or places that we're at in Guantanamo Bay, whatever you think of. They're upset with the military for some reason. What is something that you would want them to hear from someone in the military that helps them understand the true purpose and why the things that they're doing is important, so that they can have faith in the military?
Speaker 1:I would start by saying that, like I said before, when you meet people in uniform, there are those who have joined for selfish reasons, and I don't mean that in a negative way.
Speaker 1:I just mean there are those who are going to join to get their schooling and get their degree and get out because it's free. I have no problem with that If you have a goal. My biggest thing to my young airmen and my troops is if you have a goal and you want to achieve it, do it. Don't let people change your mind. So, those who join with selfish reasons, there are those who join to serve, just to serve, or maybe it's something that's been in their family legacy for a hundred years. They've been serving since world war, one in their family, or those who just didn't know their way, like me. But at the end of the day, people put this uniform on for a reason, and I believe that it's always for a good reason. We're here to serve the people of this country. We're here to protect yes, we may go to these countries and be involved in these wars and conflicts, because that's what our government and country is doing. And you could say you have a choice and we do, and we don't have a choice to say no to that because there's repercussions If I say no, I can't wake up tomorrow and say I don't want to do my job, I don't want to go to work, I can't do that, I can go to jail and I'm not going to jail. Yeah, now, I'm allowed to question certain things. I am 100% allowed to question orders if they are unlawful. When you see people in the military and even if we do have bad eggs, everywhere, anywhere and everywhere, someone's got someone who's doing something mischievous or bad or has committed some sort of crime, whether that's in the military or in big finance or the industrial complex. People do bad things all the time and I wish I had an answer to how to fix that. But I believe the majority of the United States military.
Speaker 1:We are here because we've answered a call not to protect the United States as this idea of a country or you know everyone complains about. You know you, you serve a piece of paper that being the constitution or the bill of rights, and or your forefathers didn't want this and thought that's not why people are in. We're here because, at the end of the day, if one of our big threats comes knocking at our door. If it's China, if it's Russia, if it's North Korea, if it's Iran, we are going to be the ones who stand up and say we will be the first ones in line to prevent the rest of you from being hurt or worse. We're here because we have to be With the United States.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't have this great country to live in, where you get to go out down the street and wave foreign flags and wave different ideals and not be locked up or shot for it, because you live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. You get to have your opinions because we live in this country and our first amendment protects that. And I protect that right by serving, and I will never diminish anyone for using their rights. You have every right in the world. You can come stand. You can come stand in my front gate right now and you can call me the worst things in the world. So long as you don't cross that line and you don't try to hurt me or anyone else or any, I won't do anything to you. I'll let you say your word. You can say the rudest, crudest things about me. The president, the current president, the next president and the president after him. We are going to still be here, the next president and the president after him. We are going to still be here the next day, ready to fight, ready to defend you and your family and everyone that you love from the worst possible things that may come.
Speaker 1:I truly believe this is the. I don't agree with everything in our country. Trust me, from left ideals to right ideals, I don't agree with everything. I like to think I'm the guy in the middle. If I could walk, if I could drive 20 minutes into that city center, into that Senate building and be the guy whose job it is to stand in the middle of that aisle to call everyone out on their crap, I would. I a hundred percent would.
Speaker 1:But at the end of the day, the men and women of this, of the military and the armed service, are here to protect, serve and be loyal to the American people, and that's what I feel like we've lost in the past few years, since the pandemic, is the idea that we are Americans first. That's what we need to be, no matter what your heritage is, no matter where you've come from. You are an American and we need to be Americans together, not American Republicans, not American Democrats, not American. Whatever you want to attach to it, you are an American. Ryan O'Fallon is American. Dom Hudley is American, not African American. He's American and that's what I can't stress enough is everyone around me is an American, no matter where you came from, even if you just got here yesterday and you're applying for citizenship, you're an American and my job is to make sure that those freedoms are protected every day from all enemies, foreign and domestic use for other sweets of any kind.
Speaker 3:Since the day came around, from the start, I instantly made up my mind Sweeter sweetness can't be found. You're so sweet, can't be beat. Nothing's forever still on feet.
Speaker 2:I chose this specific performance because I still remember like it was yesterday. The first person I saw when I walked onto the stage to sing this song was Ryan. He was mid-audience, smack dab, in my view, the first person I saw and it was kind of a warning that this was going to be a great night for me and it's still one of my favorite performances I've ever put on my senior cabaret back at Southeast. It was game seven of the World Series. The Cardinals won that night. Ryan had a St Louis cap on, of course. It was just all love. So just wanted to share a little bit of the old school and the older performances I have in my tank of stuff. But you can listen to my other music on all streaming platforms and if you have any desires for supporting me as an artist, go to DomLamorecom where you can get anything and everything. Dom Lamore, it's sweeter when you stay.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, I'm taking sips from your tipsy lips. It seems that my faith in you drifts. Your perfection will be known, Honey. Oh silent. Your connection with me, girl Honey.
Speaker 2:Once again, I just appreciate your time and your words. You've been very great man. It's just always incredible to hear you and how you've grown from when I first met you and I'm so proud of you With this show. I want to be positive. I feel like it gets to the point where sometimes you're listening to these episodes whether it's about us speaking about grief, us speaking about trials and tribulations, speaking about the state of the world. Sometimes it can get real negative when you're talking about reality.
Speaker 2:But this season I purposefully wanted to include a new segment right before our last segment called you Know what I Love? The way this works is very simple. I'm gonna tell you something that's in the world right now that's bringing me joy, and I'm gonna be like you know what? I love this and I love it because of this reason Short and sweet, no need to be a big deal. And then I'll ask you the exact same thing, and I feel like this whole holiday season was a little difficult for me and I always feel like when I bring her around to complex situations, no matter what situation it is, I can try my best to think I know how my wife is going to react, but she always surprises me by being even better and amazing. So I wanted to make sure that I showed some love to her and and spoke that out. But what do you got going on in your mind? What is something that you love right now?
Speaker 1:You know what I love? I love snow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, is it actual snow? I heard it was sleep.
Speaker 1:No, we, we got 10 inches oh that's good stuff. That's heard it was sleep. No, we, we got 10 inches. Oh, that's good stuff. That's good stuff. I, I love snow because of both the joy and calmness it brings to me. The past two days of snow we've had on the ground, I've been able to come home from my two eight hour shifts that I've worked, get under, relax for a bit, get dressed, take both of my children out and watch them play in the snow.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But the other part that I love is I go to work at three in the morning and it's dark and I walk out to my truck and it's snowing and it's quiet and it's peaceful, and you feel this overwhelming sense of ease, standing and the only thing you can hear is the wind blowing past you and your and your boots crunching the snow under your feet. It is a very calming and beautiful thing that I've always loved, both in the snow and in the rain, but mainly right now it's the snow, so I I really as much as headache is is caused. I've enjoyed having this amount of snow around us for the past two days.
Speaker 2:All right, man, we made it to the end of the show and spoken about everything that we want to speak about. Last thing I always ask on the show after we've spoken about what we want to speak about. All I want to know now is how do you feel?
Speaker 1:I feel good. You know, anytime having a conversation with you is is always a bonus to me. Anytime I get to speak to one of my truest and greatest friends, you know, it brings, it brings me back to a center. Almost Like I was telling you, I was having a heck of a day this past week. This was my first four days back since the holiday break, which were also stressful, and we had a lot to handle, especially yesterday at work. Yeah, state funeral is going on.
Speaker 1:For those of you who may not know, president Carter passed. I'm at Joint Base Andrews. We handle that. He just flew in for the state funeral. So a lot going on. But being able to handle everything that I handle at work and come home to not only my wife and kids, but to talk to a true friend, is always a good center point for me. So being able to do it, whether it's here on the podcast or on a phone call, or even it's just the text, it gives me that sense of center that I'm always looking for. Yeah, feeling great, always good to, always good to talk to you, my guy. Amen, cheers to you. I love you, man, she devils till the end, hey she devils Cheers to.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. The opening quote credit goes to Plato and shout out to my guy, ryan O'Fallon, for being on the pod. Ryan, you can follow him on Instagram at O'Fallon Ryan. That's what it's all about. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. If you liked this episode, you should check out our previous episode that I did with another close friend and former roommates of Ryan and I titled Navigating Entertainment and Politics in Los Angeles with Mark Richards. It's a great listen. Check it out. Follow me at D-O-M underscore L-A-M-O-U-R on Instagram or at DomLamorecom. I'm Dom Lamore, much love.
