"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
Why It’s Important to Cherish the Moments Before the Big Day
Dom L'Amour speaks with Friend of the show Jon Chester about his New Marriage and his final thoughts before getting married, and the meaning behind Working Smarter not Harder.
Discover the intricate balance of wedding planning and emotional connection! This episode emphasizes the need to prioritize moments that truly matter, pushing against the chaos often associated with organizing a wedding.
• Navigating overwhelm while planning
• Finding peace in moments of chaos
• Importance of couple-focused decision making
• The balance between aesthetics and substance
• Communicating effectively as a couple
• Embracing the 'work smart, not hard' philosophy
• Reflecting on personal experiences and lessons
• Prioritizing family support and personal joy
• Key takeaways for couples approaching marriage
Opening quote: Victor Hugo
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "Janet's Song" By Dom L'Amour
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @dom_lamour on Instagram. Or at
You can't leave everything up to well. I like it this way, so that's it, and I was like no, sometimes you need to meet in the middle. You need to get used to that. You know it can't always be a tug of war. It needs to be. Where do we find peace? If we find peace here, then that's where we need to go, and sometimes you can't always choose that. Sometimes you got to go the chaotic route. This is the only way I'm going to get had to do it. There's enough of that coming. When you have these opportunities to just focus on you two as a couple, Just do that, because I have a feeling that you're going to look back and be very excited that you chose you guys and your piece over what mattered to everybody else.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here, my name is Dom L'Amour and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode, I speak with friend of the show, john Chester, about his new marriage and his final thoughts before getting married and the meaning behind working smarter, not harder. Married and the meaning behind working smarter, not harder. Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is a riddle and the key to a riddle is another riddle. There are many locks and keys are lost, but sometimes many locks and keys are lost, but sometimes and it is rare, sometimes somewhere one of the keys fit one of the locks and then the world opens. A moment comes, and it is this moment when the right key slides into the right lock and turns. Today is your moment. We are indeed in crunch time. Crunch time.
Speaker 1:That's exactly how I'd describe it.
Speaker 2:For your wedding. I finally got the document for the bachelor party from your brother Okay, cool, because I've been messaging him about about this and he had a particular question about budget and I'm like, dude, I got all this stuff, I'm ready to go. We got it where it's. It's mapped out where we're gonna eat. Pretty much we got the tour that we're gonna do. We might do some zipline stuff. We got a couple of things on there that we'll do, but really trying to keep it flexible so that we can, you know, enjoy our time. You know you might get to a point where you're like, oh, I'm a little tired, let's just go back to the Airbnb and play spades tonight. You know, you never know what's going to happen. So I think keeping it open is really ideal. But, yeah, pretty much got something for all throughout the day and that's exciting. We're going to be in Mexico soon, but it's always.
Speaker 2:It's always cool to have a moment to create something in a space that you'll never be in again. You know what I'm saying You'll never be able to have something to listen back in on. That was a moment where you're only your first time about to get married. This is the first time this is ever going to happen and it's going to be gone, and then you're going to be a married man and that's how it goes. So where are you mentally right now? How are you feeling? How does that even have you start? Because when I was in my fiance area I stopped calling Adrian, my fiance, maybe two months before the wedding. And I was just like my wife at that point, like where are you at, with all of the stuff coming up?
Speaker 1:and I was just like my wife at that point, like where are you at with all of the stuff coming up? I am mentally in a place where I'm excited for what's coming up. There's a lot of pressure to feel like I'm on top of things or I have a plan for things. Everything's mapped out. So I know that's a lot more than I expected, to be honest. But if we talk about where I am relationship-wise, I'm in a good place. I think she's pointing out that like hey, like you, okay, you good, like you seem like a little quicker to you. Know, are you good? And I'm like, I think I'm good.
Speaker 1:I think I'm also just in a place where my mind is in so many different places that I'm not really sitting down focusing. I have the pleasure of doing things one at a time, usually throughout my life, and that's how I operate best. But now you know, it's like I'm required to be a multitasker. Now I'm required to have like three to five things running at the same time, which is not like my expertise. It's something I can do, but I can't say I do it as well, as like blocking out the noise, doing one thing at a time and knocking it out.
Speaker 1:So that is different for me that's an adjustment that I've had to make internally is understanding that just because all these other things are going on does not mean you lose focus of the most important things, which are like making sure you are showing up, you are visibly present, you are mentally present for the people that matter, for your fiance and soon-to-be wife, for the family that you're building. You want to make sure that you're doing more than just saying, well, if it were better, then I would do this, and it's like well, you can't worry about when it gets better, you have to worry about. This is where we are now. This is the plan I'm making for this now, and we keep going Outside of that. You know I try to still keep it technical sort of.
Speaker 1:So I'm like my soon-to-be wife, but the word wife is coming out of my mouth way more than before. Fiance is almost a phrase of the past, but it's mostly just like my soon-to-be wife, my wife in less than 60 days. But yeah, fiance is almost on the. It's almost being hung up on the door. So we're already kind of in wife-husband city, but we just haven't planted our flag just yet. But I feel like living together has helped with that already that I feel so familiar now that I don't see it as like, oh, it's going to be this huge change and it's like, no, we're going to continue to live and grow. The flag is officially planted versus us just kind of doing things together alive.
Speaker 2:And that's ideal. Like I said, my mother got me and Adrian the book All the Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married and we read that study and actually worked through the book with each other and it really helped us kind of start to work before we got married. Before we even got engaged, we started to work and that's the idea. You know, things will change. You will be a different person when you get married. Yes, that is true. But also what you had before has to remain, because if you become someone new and demand her to be someone new, you might not like what happens with that person. It might not be the same person you fell in love with.
Speaker 2:And so finding those moments to breathe, finding those moments to be like okay, this is stressful, yes, but also this is an incredible moment, is an incredible thing to look forward to, those important, is really important. Yeah, do you have any moments where you kind of have an out of body experience right now, like you're like can't believe what's happening around you, like I can't believe we're talking about candles. I can't believe we're doing this. Have you had those moments?
Speaker 1:I wouldn't say out of body. I do think it's just funny because, like you know, I'm the participant at weddings. Like I've never been a best man before, I've never been like super intertwined in anybody's wedding. I just kind of show up. So to me it's like it's crazy that, like this is my time, like this is my thing, this is my day, I do get caught up in that like, oh, we're adding this, or like, oh, should we do this or that, and I'm like, man, this is a whole wedding. That's like for me.
Speaker 1:I had a good talk with my uncle earlier today and it went on for a while, but we, we definitely focused on the like, the being married part, the wedding ceremony itself. And he's like, oh, how many people are going to be there, the way y'all talking about, I don't think it's going to be hundreds and hundreds. I'm like, bro, this is going to be intimate. We're talking like less than a hundred for sure, probably closer to like 60, maybe 70. It's not going to be, you know, this big spectacle, which I actually appreciate it that way. I appreciate knowing that the people that matter are going to be there and even some of the people that can't make it that do matter are just, you know it's still going to be something that's smaller. Not doing it in St Louis definitely dwindled that down because, most of my family is still up there.
Speaker 1:They would just pull up because it's a random Sunday. But now that there's all the traveling and all that, it's going to weed down to a lot of the core people, the people that have made a huge difference, the people that have made a huge difference, maybe even if they haven't done a crazy amount. It's like you're showing up in a time where, like, I really need that support and it means a lot to me. So, definitely, having those moments where I'm like, wow, this is really people showing up, they're supporting me and you know I'm just used to supporting. I don't write it down on a list and go, oh well, they better do this for me. It's just nice to know like, oh, it's my moment and my fiance's moment and people are showing up for us because they just appreciate being in our lives.
Speaker 2:I always tell people when I was in my wedding, like during my wedding, the moment that comes to my brain the most there's a picture where you can see I'm like looking at the audience and looking at the people in front of me and be like, wow, these people showed up to my wedding, they're here for me and Adrian. They actually took the time to come from Minnesota. They took the time to come from Los Angeles. They took the time to come from Texas, from all over the country, from Portland. We had people from everywhere. We had some folks who was trying to come from Spain and they just couldn't come because it was right after COVID and travel was hard. So I feel like that is the thing that I always love to remind people who are about to go into it.
Speaker 2:That weekend, your bachelor party everything isn't about a big spectacle. It's not. It's about enjoying that time with these people because this is the only time this is going to happen. That is so real. There's so many people in my wedding and I was so happy with the turnout and I look back at those pictures and I'm like, wow, I haven't seen that person since that day and that is life. I saw my girl Kim the other day and she was like yeah, I haven't seen you in almost three years now. And I'm like how is that even possible? We're so close. But once again I've become someone else. I'm a married man with a wife and a house and a dog. I got to make sure things are taken care of at home.
Speaker 1:I can't, yeah, but I mean, like you spent a lot of time at one place and you made a very drastic move around that time to a whole different region of the world.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, you can't hold a player down. You know what I'm? Saying yeah okay, sorry, it's okay this guy you know. All right, all right. I hope you know that these moments just happened, because I want that face.
Speaker 1:I just want to see. Yeah, I'm sure, I'm certain that that's why they're here and no other reason at all.
Speaker 2:That moment was all I needed. I appreciate that, yeah.
Speaker 1:But you were saying but yes, because you wanted to be a Harlan Globetrotter right before your wedding. Yes, there's a lot of people you didn't see.
Speaker 2:No, no, it'd be like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's for sure but but honestly, I think that's ideal. If my child wasn't in starting high school, I would probably be looking at a different region of where I wanted to settle down ultimately. But for now I'm like listen, things are stable enough, we've got enough of a foundation here. Let's just ride this out for the next two, three years and then move. But that's something that I was interested in as well just to give myself a slight degree of separation, just so that we can focus on ourselves more and less about everybody else as we make this change in our lives.
Speaker 2:You got to have those moments throughout the day, too, when you're having the wedding day, those moments throughout the day, too, when you're having the wedding day moments. I remember very, very clearly when Adrian and I had our first look and I first got to see her, it was just the two of us. No one else was there except for the photographer, and so we got that intimate moment of talking and catching up how was your morning? You okay, kind of thing. And I really loved that because, since I got to see her before the wedding, we didn't have to do all of that. We could get business done, we could take pictures, we can knock stuff off the list so we can make things happen, and it was very, very helpful. Then we had pictures on the roof. So that was another time. Right before we got introduced, I got to really just sit down with her, talk to her, help her with her dress, she had to use the bathroom, different things like that. We just had moments to bond together. And then, of course, at the end of the night, when we were sitting at the table drinking the whiskey with the DJ and Adrian and I were about to head out, we got to be with each other, because the entire day I felt like we were together, but we weren't, if that makes sense. Yeah, it was like we were doing so much and we were so focused on so many things. And I mean, there was one point we had walked down the aisle and had everyone talking to us and shaking and hugging and this and that, and then someone pulled us aside and said say hi to the people on the Zoom. And I'm like fuck, we're talking to people that's in Spain and we're talking to people in LA now. And then we left there and went and did pictures and did pictures and it was just one thing after another and those little small moments with Adrian and I was so crucial for that day because it made me really understand exactly what was going on while we were doing it, and it was because of us. So make sure to do that. That is something that you want, and also make sure to eat. I can't stress those two things enough. Find times to have those moments with her so that you can sit back and remember that, but then also make sure you're eating and drinking water throughout the whole damn day, because people are going to be trying to feed you drinks. People are going to be trying to feed you all kinds of stuff and it's like, nah, I need to be hydrated anyway.
Speaker 2:But before we jump off the subject, like I said, for me it's really really cool to be in the position where you can actually reflect on something that is so huge. This is a really big deal. This is something that a lot of people want to do. Some people have done multiple times, but it's always something that's on the list of things that people have to do. When you're looking at this now, what are some things that you're going to look back to how you are now and be like, damn man, I was feeling this way and I should have just enjoyed this, or I was nervous about this, and that didn't even apply to me. What are some things that you can think of that you're like I might be stressing a little too much about this and future. You, listening to this episode, is going to be like yep.
Speaker 1:Probably the perfectionism of it, the well these people have to make it. These people have to. How are we going to have a wedding without? I think there's a lot of little things like that, that I just want everything to go off without a hitch. And it's like well, I think you're a little too worried about how it will happen, instead of like just knowing that you're with the right people in the right place at the right time.
Speaker 1:You know, I think getting caught up too much in the details of how the day schedule goes, or where you did this versus where you did that, can kind of start to shift things for people. Once I have an idea of how something's supposed to go like, oh, we're supposed to have this color. Like I mean, if we're, if we have this color, that's just, that's terrible. Like just cancel the wedding, right Ha ha. And it's like, yeah, but like why is that such a big deal to you? Oh, we have to spend money on this. If we don't spend money on that, then what's going to happen if we walk in and we don't have? And it's like I think you would have just walked in, buddy. Yeah, very simple, I think it would have been very simple. Fine, I will probably look back and go. You probably didn't need. You know all the extras that you thought you did.
Speaker 1:I've kind of been having those moments. More recently, taylor's on Wedding Talk, so she knows everybody's story. She knows all the good things, all the horror stories. She has her own idea of what a perfect wedding looks like to her and where she ranks up. And I was like okay, where you need to be concerned is did you have the best time possible? Yes, if it's aesthetics are cool, over the top, things sound cool. But I think when people look back, you know when they're not watching their wedding video a million times, realizing that it's the peak of their entire life is that I made a video about all the money I spent, I think, outside of that you remember, like the memories, the thing that's not on video, the moment that nobody talked about.
Speaker 1:You know the looks on people's faces when they, you know, when certain things happen. I think those are the things that I've tried to get her to prioritize more, and I think she has, and I think it's starting to make me prioritize those things as well. You know, for me, you know, being the only child and being up in st Louis as the hometown, I thought like it was going to look a certain way, like, oh, I was going to, it's going to happen in St Louis.
Speaker 1:It's going to happen like this and then I started to realize it happening in St Louis didn't mean it was going to be more meaningful. It meant that you just have a lot of unnecessary bodies there that would just show up because they can. Now. It doesn't mean you're going to have this crazy better time. It better time. It just means that you've now put an expectation on what it would look like if you did it a certain way, instead of just valuing the fact that, no matter where you are, certain people are going to show up for you regardless. Certain people are going to create those memories with you regardless.
Speaker 1:And I think sometimes, when you have those expectations of what you see, you start to think well, that doesn't apply to me. They have this, they have that, I need those things. And sometimes you already have what you need it. You just need to get engulfed in that, take the time to really enjoy being around the world you created and not trying to create a whole separate world. That doesn't really mirror you. It mirrors what you saw somebody else have. It mirrors what looks fun for somebody else. Maybe that's not for you. Maybe you need to do the things and have fun doing things that reflect your life and what you want and I think that's a very particular thing that I'm starting to adopt, as somebody who's about to be a husband soon is it needs to look the way it needs to look for you, not anyone else.
Speaker 2:And you always got to remind yourself the next day is going to be just another day, dude, yeah so and that's going to suck. I will fully admit one of the hardest things was realizing. Well, for me the next day I was like relieved. We went right on our honeymoon, went straight to High Springs, had my feet up oh, that's great. It was nice, but also the weight of I'm not talking about the wedding anymore, it was nice, but also the weight of I'm not talking about the wedding anymore was nice, but also it was over. It was like, oh, all those people are gone. All of this time spent was great, but it's over.
Speaker 2:I'm going back to the real life. And you got to be ready for that real life because I know so many people. I have a friend I remember they got married and divorced and the reason why I felt it didn't work out was because my homie's significant other really just wanted wedding pictures, just wanted the aesthetics. She wanted to be able to flex that and that really broke my heart because it was kind of obvious watching just how much they didn't really take in the significance of them being together it's like this is about you two.
Speaker 2:This isn't about the pictures, it isn't about the poses. It's about you two getting married and, yeah, that's good to hear that you're in that space where you're actually starting to think of the future, because that's what matters now your life with her in the future. And it's literally a month and a half away.
Speaker 1:No, I always refer to the day after our wedding. I was like that's the way the day your life really starts. That's what I'm trying to be prepared for, because she comes from a very small family. I come from one that's larger, but I've done a good bit of weaning folks out, cutting people off and just getting more to the core of the people that really matter to me, and I've told her there's certain things we deal with that we won't have to deal with after this is finished and you'll have a new set of problems, though, like there will always be something new in the road. But there are certain things that you can have the solace of knowing I don't have to deal with this after that day.
Speaker 1:Like, yes, it'll be different. We won't be all about the wedding, and our day-to-day lives for the last year and a half have been about this wedding. Once that's over, it'll be moved on to something else, but there'll be a certain peace that comes with that, a certain level of tranquility in knowing that now it's about y'all. It's not about y'all plus. You know, rsvps, y'all plus folks, meals, y'all plus budgets, y'all plus. It's just y'all.
Speaker 1:It's about what y'all are doing, what y'all are creating and how, what avenues you're going to take to get wherever it is you want to go in this life. That's going to be a whole different thing, but that's a breath of fresh air to me, especially with seeing how many things have had to go into this wedding, how many opinions, how many people's coming out the woodwork to be frustrated about something that it's like oh my God, why are you frustrated? Why does this matter? Didn't you have a day? Wasn't your day great? Why are we worried about this on our day and you're realizing, it's because, while the day has your name at the top, it's not 100% your day.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It's a day you share with many people. It's a day that you will accommodate many people.
Speaker 2:And each person is going to try to find their moment during that day. Yep, each person is going to try to find a moment to make an imprint that they can look back on and be like I did this that day for this person Yep, they're going to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and while that might mean something to them and it may even mean something to you, it'll never mean more than you and your person. And a lot of that will be finished around the time that this is over, yeah, when it's time to go to that next step, the path would be much more clear on where it is we're trying to go here. That's very important to me. It gives me a lot of solace in knowing that. It's as simple as that, that, once this is over, just start focusing on you guys, what works for you guys, how you guys are going to do things, even our you know our honeymoon destination.
Speaker 1:You know I'm sitting here thinking I'm like man, you know I like more tranquil stuff. I just want to sit and do nothing. And then I was like but you need to figure out what works for y'all. You can't leave everything up to well, I like it this way, so that's it. And I was like no, sometimes you need to meet in the middle. You need to get used to that. It can't always be a tug of war. It needs to be. Where do we find peace? If we find peace here, then that's where we need to go, and sometimes you can't always choose that Sometimes you got to opportunities to just focus on you two as a couple. Just do that, because I have a feeling that you're going to look back and be very excited that you chose you guys and your piece over what mattered to everybody else.
Speaker 2:Last thing on this because, like I said, I'm just really excited, happy to hear where your head is, because that's important. I've worked with so many people. I mean that's my job. I work with weddings. I'm constantly around people getting married. I was a little older but I sang at Carmen's wedding and my godmother's wedding. One of those two was the first one.
Speaker 2:So whenever you're around people getting ready or going through the process, it's scary how often it's chaotic, and it doesn't have to be. It very much is another day and sometimes this isn't what you do. I'm not the right person to say that, because I host events. Adrian has been a stage manager and put stuff together and host events. My mother, you know I have so many people around me that this is what we do that it wasn't difficult for me to put a party together.
Speaker 2:But something that I really made an effort to do is to make sure that I was following the right routines to creating a good relationship with Adrienne, and one of the books I read last year was the Eight Rules of Love. One of my favorite rules is to be your partner's guru. Where you are equal, your guru is someone who is helping you complete the circle, no matter what is necessary, you're taking care of business. So if this person is giving you this, what can you do to get you both to the end of the circle? It's never looking down at anybody. You both to the end of the circle. It's never looking down at anybody. You're not the mentor of your partner, you're the guru. You can't be a mentor because you're not equal. When you're looking down at someone as a mentor, get yourself to a place where you're looking at situations. I know Adrienne's working all day. I know that she needs food done at a certain hour. I know that she wants me to be here for her and enjoy times with me, but also I know that I got to do this, this, this, this and this to make sure all that stuff comes together. And, like I said, you're on the right track, man, to have the stuff in your head already, where you're trying to make sure that you're purposefully creating a good environment for you and your future wife.
Speaker 2:Couldn't ask for more. Man Couldn't ask for more, and I'm really excited for you. Hello, it is I, dominique. I'm speaking to you after this wedding went down. First and foremost, it was a beautiful day of love. Not too many things jumped the tracks. The venue was amazing, the staff was very friendly and, since I was the best man, I played the role of Mary Poppins. Whatever Chester needed, I was there for him. He has already told me that it was the best day of his life and I just wanted to say once again I'm so proud of my guy for tying it out, for moving forward in this journey. There was a lot of stuff that went into this wedding and I'm happy to not have to worry about it anymore, so I can only imagine how relieved John and Taylor are. Here's to them and cheers to a long and loving marriage between two dope people.
Speaker 2:Something I wanted to run by you and kind of get your opinion on. I've been having this discussion with folks this year and I wanted to bring it to the pod because I believe it's something that I I have struggled with for years, and it's the term work smart, not hard. The reason why I've been like gravel, like kind of trying to understand it a little better and struggling with it, is because I used to hear that a lot in college with my performance, with the things that I want to do, and it always felt negative when people would say that because the way people interpreted it in my opinion was oh, why are you doing all that extra stuff? You should do this and skip all of that extra work and you're making it harder on yourself. But in my opinion, I always felt like when someone tried to get me to cut corners, the product, the quality, whatever I was working on usually came out a little bit unfinished. And it's like I truly think that definition should be like more of a yes, work smarter, not harder, but the quality needs to be exactly where it was beforehand.
Speaker 2:Because if I'm working hard and I'm getting exactly what I want, but then I start to do this working smarter and cut corners and like, okay, well, I'm going to take less time to do this, am I still going to get the quality I want? If not, maybe add a couple steps till I get to that quality, and if I have to do it the way I did it, maybe that's the way to do it instead of this whole. Why you have to do all these extra stuff and I know I'm being very broad with it, but the reason why I just feel like that's something I've been working on within myself for years now, of trying to find ways to continue to grow as an artist, as someone who's working in an industry where it's about you and doing what you can do for you. So I started to kind of cut corners in certain areas, I felt. But this year and last year I've been working on me more and it's helping me kind of see that there's certain times where it's like it's dope to be able to accomplish something a little simpler or easier.
Speaker 2:But putting that extra work in for me is always a good pleasure. It helps the payoff at the end. It's like I did the work. I feel good about that. I put my 10,000 hours in. I love saying that because that's what you're trying to do. You want to put that 10,000 hours in what you're doing. I believe that I've done that because I worked hard at what I do and what I believe in. When you hear the words work smart, not hard, how do you interpret that?
Speaker 1:Well, I think the proper answer is in half of that statement and I think the other half can go. I understand where you say it has this negative connotation because it's almost presumptuous. It's almost like somebody feels they're on a high horse and it's like why are you working? Why are you working so hard? Just work smart. Yes, yes. But I think the real answer there is to me the way I model my life. Just work efficiently.
Speaker 1:It doesn't mean that there's not going to be days where you don't work your ass off. You are. You're not going to get anything worth having and not have worked hard at some point to get it. I think it's okay to work hard. I think it's necessary to work hard. I think you don't have to work hard your whole life to get somewhere. If you did, usually you're going to be too exhausted to enjoy it once you get there. I think there's a balance that we can just call efficiency.
Speaker 1:You need to do the work early on to learn whatever the hell you think you know. If you think you know entertainment, if you think you know singing, well, you need to put in the work to actually know it. You need to do some pro bono shows. You need to be behind the scenes. You need to be the guy orchestrating and putting things together, because that guy knows it now. So now he could probably work smarter because he knows how all of it works. He knows these are the things that we're going to need.
Speaker 1:So this is where I need to focus my time. These are the things where they don't always go so well. So now I need to focus more of my time and energy to making sure this doesn't fail, because this is just a grind. This is going to have to be done regardless. This can be done by anyone. This is where my expertise is, or this is where the expertise I don't have is, and this needs to be at least a level nine or higher for us to get what we want out of it, and all I'm saying is that's going to take us to a place where I'm going to have to become somebody better to get to wherever it is that I'm trying to go. I can't do that by, you know, side-skirting, working hard. That's just not how it works. But I understand the mentality, because I don't want to be an old man and the only thing that I can hang my hat on is I tried real hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's like did you get anywhere? Well, no. And it's like, okay, well, did you change anything? Well, no, Other people came along and they made it more efficient. And it's like so what you did was worth what? Well, not as much as I hoped it would. So for me, I don't always see it that way. I think working smart is super important, but I think if you're smart enough, you know that hard work comes with it.
Speaker 1:You would never try to throw away working hard to get somewhere that's worth going. It's just not how that works. Anybody that says that is sitting on a high horse. They don't want anybody else sitting on. They want to feel like they're better than you because they got somewhere. And don't get me wrong, there are people that are going to not work hard and get somewhere. It's not expected for them to be there for long. You'll get there. You'll get to the top. You'll get wherever it is you wanted to go.
Speaker 1:Once you got there, did you do the work to make sure that you have a solid foundation to stay there, or are you now going to need everybody to make sure you stay in this position? I think that's the difference. I think there are people who just work themselves into an early grave and there are people who work themselves into a better position, and I honestly because I've never been the CEO of anything outside of maybe a company I'm trying to work on right now, but it hasn't blossomed yet. I've worked under more people than I've been the boss of people, and I wish that I had more bosses that really understood this idea of working hard enough to learn it so that by the time they finally got the opportunity where they could do less. They understood the landscape better. They led me to a place that made sense for me to follow them, and I think a lot of people are too addicted to working smart because to them it's like, well, I just don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:I don't want to do that work, so let me find somebody else. Well then, that might not get us the best output and I don't want to keep running from one thing to the next thing in life, always feeling like, well, they asked me to work too hard till I gotta go. No, I want to be in a position where we can work hard together, share the load, but see 10x results. Look at how much farther we got, because we all worked together and got here and we didn't break all of our backs to get here. You know, maybe we all aren't gonna leave the same way we walked in, but we all did enough of the work to make sure that we don't look back and go man, you know what I should have did? I don't want to worry too much about what I should have did. I just want to do the work and get where I want to go.
Speaker 2:It's all stemmed from a conversation I was having with someone about traveling and how, when I go to, when I went to Japan, or I go to a different country, you kind of notice people are willing to do a little extra steps to accomplish things or to ensure that things are going properly in their little area. And you know everything from like you know people cleaning bathrooms in the train stations in Japan. While people are running in and out of the bathrooms, you still have the women in there cleaning it still as you go and you're like, wow, that's so efficient and it's so helpful when it comes to sanitation. And people getting sick is like there's, it's possible because they're doing everything they can to allow that stop. But you come to america and you go to a gas station, like literally in america it's a big deal at bucky's because the bathrooms are so clean. That's like one of their selling points. Their selling points is that their bathrooms are clean.
Speaker 2:And it's like why is that something that we just cut corners on? We're like, oh, it doesn't matter. Why do we feel like when it comes to our food selection in America? You know, let's put a bunch of stuff in here that's not regulated for any other place in the world, but here we know it's going to be cheaper if we put all this extra stuff. It's like constantly seeing people cutting corners makes me think about the whole. We're being smarter and we're using what we have to our advantage and it just seems dirty, it seems wrong and it makes me second guess when people speak that way to me about doing tasks and getting stuff done. You got to work smarter, not harder, and I'm like what?
Speaker 1:do you?
Speaker 2:mean when you say that that's where I go to that Drisky.
Speaker 1:What do you mean by?
Speaker 2:that I immediately think that way, because it's like are you saying that because you're lazy, or are you saying that because you're someone who's willing to go the extra mile and knock something out, but you found a better way to do it?
Speaker 1:Most people that are saying that wouldn't use that phrase to describe the latter. You know they would just tell you the story. It's almost like the word that I was thinking of when you were describing them versus us, and it's just pride. Do you take pride in what you do? Do you take pride in offering the best? And I think as a country, we used to do that and we're kind of getting towards the bottom line. What's the bottom line? More money, more butts in seats, more of this, more of that.
Speaker 1:Your experience is not the top priority anymore and it's becoming very obvious. So when a place does prioritize your experience, it's like, oh, they got to be great. They, they have to have figured out a money-making opportunity. No one else has seen, because who would put that above all? And it's like well, the country used to put our pride above all. We used to. You know, oh well, this stadium is great because it's like this. And it's like well, now it's only great because it's new and we spent all.
Speaker 1:Everything has to be modernized for it to give it all this attention. It has to be brand new. And we know, as it gets older, we kind of scrap things. But that's where your history that's where your legacy comes from is upkeep Making sure that things are still, you know, bright and shiny. Things are still worth chasing after, things are still worth the attention and respect that we give them, but for us, we just kind of bury things. We're always what's the new thing that we're going to give our attention to? What's the new cool place Because I know the cool place they'll have certain expectations. Everything's going to be super clean and orderly and everything's going to be like this, but that's not the priority. That's not what we take pride in. We take pride in the bottom line.
Speaker 1:Now, are we getting as much money as possible? Well, you have to download this app to get this experience. Well, why don't we just make it available? Well then, how would we get more money? It's like, do you need more money or do you want a better experience? Well, we always need more money. Well, you've now told me how we ended up where we ended up. Everyone's bottom line is starting to become how do I get the most out of this situation? Not how do we get farther up? Farther, I get the most out of this situation, not how do we get farther ahead together. You know, as I look at all this stuff in California that's going on right now. That's the one thing I'm thinking about. It's like a bunch of I decisions have changed the landscape for the big we that's out there right now.
Speaker 2:And you know it saddens me with each new example we get, but it's just not surprising anymore. Yeah, I agree with that, because social media doesn't help with that California thing at all. You have so much negativity towards it, but you want to believe that your country is going to do everything they can to keep you safe. You want to believe they're going to take care of business and in that scenario it's very possible. Cutting corners, cutting budgets, taking things away from other people Not possible.
Speaker 2:I know in certain situations that cutting budgets are affecting how they're able to fight these fires and how they're able to support these people. I know that is a fact. I've heard that through news and different things going on there, that through news and different things going on in there. So it just it. That's why this topic, in my opinion, is so relevant right now, because we live in a society that I'm always told it's a capitalist society. I'm always told that this is, this is what America is and this is how it is. It revolves around money and this and that. And you saying the bottom line thing totally opened my eyes again to it, cause it's like that is how people here think. That's how we were raised to think Bottom line are you getting the paper Period Do?
Speaker 1:you want it fast, do you want it cheap or do you want it good?
Speaker 2:How much money can I not pay you so that I make more money? So it just it breaks my heart because it makes me feel like it reminds me of when Trump was running against Hillary and in one of the debates he was talking about how he uses the tax laws and he knows they're not going to change them because they are benefiting from the exact same things he is. And at one point they were like but you don't pay your taxes? Like that's horrible. And he was like that makes me smart. And Deja Belp made a joke about that and and he was like that's some cold shit.
Speaker 2:And I'm like, when you hear what he's saying, it is because, bottom line, I'm smarter than you, because I'm not paying all of this money and I'm making more. Yeah, and it's like doesn't care about morals, doesn't care about energy being put into actually doing it correctly, it doesn't matter, I'm literally getting over on you. I'm working smarter, not harder. Yeah, that's the way that I see that phrase and I feel I get cringy when I hear it now because I feel like it's very much in this society. It's so negative because it's really hey, find a way to take advantage of people.
Speaker 1:No, that's exactly what it is. I just know. For me and the way I see things, it's never been my mentality, but I think it's always been like this underlying thing here. It's just become more prominent as the voice of the 1% is becoming louder. You always make your assumptions about the 1%, but I think deep down, when you were a kid, you believed that guy with everything. If he could just change my life, he probably would, you know, cause it wouldn't cost him anything. He would just be you know.
Speaker 1:You see the commercials of the guy, of the celeb, who gives his jersey to the kid and it's like of course you want to get, of course you want to do nice things. But as their voice grows louder, you're starting that that dream has become a nightmare because they're telling you over and over I don't care what happens to you, I don't care what happens to the whole, I care about my stuff, I care about what happens to my things, I care about the places I frequent, and even then I only care so much If I'm not financially or physically invested in it. It doesn't bother me. And I think this bartering of goods and services for bodies and experiences is way over the line now it's like, as long as I get what I want, I could care less how I got it. I could care less what it costs somebody else, because that cost isn't going over to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know even me and you know certain apps I like. I like Spotify. Spotify fired everybody. Now all of my playlists suck.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm paying for premium because you guys wanted to save money and let AI tell you what kind of music I like, instead of taking people who like some of the things I like and letting them curate better experiences that I can have. And I'm realizing that is the world now. That is not just one app, that's not one company, that is almost all companies. As we grow and we see the increase in AI and technology, you guys are not using it to better. You're using it to siphon. You're sucking all of the potential resources, all of the great things. You're taking it out and saving it for yourself. Even if there is some great thing, we'll never experience it. Eventually, everything will be like that. Anything that's great, you're paying a premium. And if they find out that you got something for free that was helping you like an app that paid its creators, like an app that helped a business boom almost overnight oh, you can't add.
Speaker 1:We're going to find a way to get rid of that and it's like, why would you do that? They're helping your own economy? No, no, no, they're helping themselves. And it's like, no, they're helping the country you live in? No, no, no, they're not helping me. They're not lining my pocket. So that needs to go. And it's like, but it helps so many people we don't care. Well, what if you scaled it? If you scaled it, I'm not invested in it. If you scaled it, I'm not benefiting the way everyone else is. And some of those people did benefit and they still don't care because they're going to be fine without things. That's where I'm learning.
Speaker 1:The divide in this country is kind of starting and I hope that we I don't know what it's going to cost, because it's going to cost something that nobody wants to pay, but it's going to cost us something for everybody to kind of see what we've done. You know I was watching the Jerry Springer documentary. It's only like two episodes but like it just shows how far they pushed the lines until they couldn't, just to get good ratings, just to see we beat Oprah. And it's like, yeah, somebody died, bro, they were on your show. And you know, you guys have been kind of advertising. Did you do anything for them? Did you try to help? And they're like no, that's not our jobs and it's like that's the beginning.
Speaker 1:That's where you start to see like this coliseum-like society you live in, where it's just we're here for entertainment, we're just here to see what happens. We're not here to invest in the people. We're not here to give back. We're not here to create a better future for the folks that are coming behind us, we're here to get ours.
Speaker 1:I think that's going to come with a very heavy price tag. That's going to cost everybody, and I think what we're seeing in LA is the first step of that, where people who you think they got everything, it's like oh, you just sunk everything into a house. What if your insurance doesn't pay you out? Then what? Oh, you're almost homeless. You went from being here to down here and I don't like that cost. I don't like to see people lose it all or not be where I believe they should be or what they've worked to be towards. But unfortunately, that's going to have to be the price tag for some people to wake up, because they're always going to feel like well, it didn't happen to me, so it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 1:It didn't happen to my people, so I'm good, and I think it just kind of all starts with that same work. Work smart, bro. You should have multiple properties bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm sorry your Palisades house is gone, but I had a house on the East Coast and in the South and now I'm good Insurance will figure it out and it's like, well, everybody's not able to do that. Well, that's too bad. You should have been working smarter all those years ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's unfortunately leading to what I'm seeing now and I'm losing faith. But I do believe that we are all still human, we all still have hearts, there's still some level of empathy, and if you don't have it, it might bend you in half and break you until you remember where you come from and the fact that skin color and financial class and your job title they don't mean as much as you've given it meaning to have. We're all people, man. We're going to have to work together, and if you guys don't want to work together, you're going to have to pull it till it breaks and then you'll have to rebuild it together.
Speaker 2:A story that I tell people all the time is about you.
Speaker 2:It's a story that you told me where the Mike Brown thing happened in St Louis and now it happened around your neighborhood on the north side and you were in Atlanta and you wanted to get involved and you started talking to people who were doing things in the area for Black Lives Matter or whatever they were doing, and you got to a point where you realized a lot of them were just in there so that they can get their names in the paper and they can say, hey, look what I did for this cause, look at how special I am.
Speaker 2:Let me become famous because of this. Let me be a person on CNN that does talks now, because I was one of the people who started this, and I can use this on a resume instead of hey, this is because of someone's death, this is something that literally was a tragedy and you're trying to profit off of it and it just really. It really bums me out when I look into all of the things that we have invested in in our society and how the gaslighting of the problem that's in your face is not really happening. The people do that all the time in politics and just say it's politics. I really am nervous with the way that our country is already moving, that there isn't really a clear path to a good way for America to fix their problems.
Speaker 3:Anywhere in the whole wide world. Just tell me where. Screenshot the location and we gonna take your cups. Mommy, I wanna take you around the world and find some nice wine to sip. I said it worked, worked, worked. So much You've given up your time. Well, I think it's time to break some commitments and get on the plane and charge the globe. So screenshot the place and we gon' take the trip. Anywhere in the whole wide world. Just tell me where.
Speaker 2:This is a new tune titled Janet's Song. It's kind of new. I wrote it a while back, but I wrote this about my grandmother and it's going to be on my upcoming album. This was released. I did this last year at a performance here in Atlanta and I released it on my live mixtape here to entertain Volume 2, and I look forward to getting the studio cut on wax soon. You can listen to my music on all streaming platforms and you can check me out for more information at DonLemorecom where you can get anything and everything downlamore.
Speaker 2:The reason why I made the segment we're about to do is because of how I just was talking on the last segment. I feel, like some episodes, it can be really negative and down and really hard to listen to. People talk this way because you're like either you agree or you disagree and it's like it's a really heavy conversation where I'm going to tell you something that's bringing me joy, something that I love and why, and encourage maybe others to use it or not, and then I'll ask you the same thing and you'll go through the process of what I love. So, starting with me, very simply, you know what I love right now.
Speaker 2:I love tea. Very simple. I've been drinking tea almost every day since Adrian's been gone and I've been able to enjoy my time at the house Every day. At the house, I've just been creating some difference Some green peach tea the other day, today I'm drinking mint tea and it's been very relaxing to give my palate something other than sugary water or soda or, you know, juices, stuff like that, and it's been keeping me very mellow and I'm very appreciative of my glasses of tea I've been having the last couple of days.
Speaker 1:Something I love right now is the fact that I've been kind of snowed in for the last couple of days. It lightened up yesterday so I did go out and get some groceries and things like that. But I spent more time with my family these last couple of days and I will say I love watching what we have kind of grown and built together where that's taken us. I love seeing the growth within all of us and seeing like kind of how we come together, how we communicate, how we piece things together Even like my daughter helping out with cooking or learning different things because we're like oh, this is so basic, you got to splash it up, you got to learn this, you got to learn that it can't be one dimensional. This is so basic, you got to splash it up, you got to learn this, you got to learn that it can't be one dimensional. It really just makes me happy to see the growth in what I've planted seeds in, because sometimes I get very, you know, hard bent on. It was supposed to go a certain way and sometimes you realize it not going that way, open the door for it to go this way and you know, I've made hot dogs for the first time in the house and, like you know, I sliced the hot dogs before I put them on there.
Speaker 1:A little bit I cut them and then, you know, I use like a TikTok recipe to figure out like, oh, I'll put a little oil here, I put a little onions here. You know, I see Mexican hot dogs. They look so good. Blah, blah, blah. And I make chili for the first time and it's never made chili before. Ever in my life. I don't even eat chili all the time but, I had to read.
Speaker 1:I had the time and availability to create something that she really appreciated. That's something that she that connected to her own childhood. Something she enjoyed with her dad was eating chili dogs together. So to hear her talking about, talking to other people about, oh my God, it was so great. I love those moments, I love being able to create those things and I hope to be able to extend that, you know, as we get married and do more things and travel to learn other people's things and how they do things and extend our family out even more to just kind of learn and grow together and feel like those are memories and things that we've created together.
Speaker 2:We've made it to the end of the episode. I appreciate your time. It's always good to see your face, hear your voice. I'm going to see a lot of you in the coming weeks and in the next month, and so I'm really excited for the future that you have coming. We made it through all of our topics. We spoke about everything we want to talk about, of course. Last thing I want to ask you, of course, is how do you feel?
Speaker 1:I feel great. I feel warm and refreshed.
Speaker 2:That's good stuff. Man Cheers to you, Appreciate you All right man.
Speaker 2:I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. The opening quote credit goes to Victor Hugo. And shout out to my guy, john. Follow John at J-O-N-C-E-E-S visuals on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link and give us a good rating. Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. If you liked this episode, you should check out our previous episode with Chester titled Best Friends. Great, listen, check it out. Follow me at DOM underscore LAMOUR on Instagram or at DomLamorecom. I'm Dom Lamore. Much love.
