"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
"The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast" Starring Dom L'Amour
The Best of TBMTEP Season 2 Part 2
Dom L'Amour looks back on the second season of The Black Man Talking Emotions Podcast.
What happens when the traumas of our parents shape our future relationships? This episode kicks off with a heartfelt conversation about breaking the cycle of generational trauma. Our guest opens up about the impact of her parents' divorce on her own relationships and her journey to be the mother she never had. She shares her fears and hopes upon learning she was having a daughter, and how the supportive role of her father has helped her navigate through these challenges. This segment is a testament to resilience and the conscious choices we make for the well-being of future generations.
Next, we delve into the bittersweet reality of leaving home for personal growth. Our guest reflects on moving from St. Louis to Colorado, the guilt of missing family milestones, and the feeling of being an outsider upon returning home. We discuss the importance of advocacy, especially in the light of social movements like Black Lives Matter, and the responsibility of being a white ally in predominantly white spaces. This discussion emphasizes not just the complexities of identity but also the necessity of confronting ignorance and prejudice in our everyday interactions.
Wrapping up, we take a nostalgic trip down memory lane to a dorm room conversation. Our guest, now a father of four daughters, shares the joys and challenges of parenting. From balancing strictness with letting kids learn on their own to the academic pride he feels for his daughters, it's a candid look into fatherhood. We also indulge in a heated LeBron vs. Kobe debate, showcasing the passionate side of sports fandom. This episode is a rich tapestry of personal stories, advocacy, and heartfelt reflections on family and identity, promising to leave you thinking long after it ends.
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Listen to full episodes here: https://domlamour.com/tbmtep
Todays featured clips came from these past episodes:
-Cultural Shifts, Family Dynamics, and Growth with Hannah Moore
-Exploring Culture and Cuisine with Sam Niehaus
-Chasing Dreams and Raising Kids with Heath Kennedy
-Navigating Fatherhood and the Digital Age with Scotty
-Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Family Life with Benjamin Stevens
-Embracing Motherhood and the Bonds of Friendship with Jessi Lynn
-Political Talk with Jon Butts
-The Question Game for Mother's Day
Listen to full episodes here: https://domlamour.com/tbmtep
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming here to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast today. My name is Dom Lamour and I'm going to be your host today. Of course, but not really it's the best of episodes. But not really it's the best of episodes. So I'm just going through some of my favorite moments of the year with different people that I got to speak to, and just how we got to really speak about so many different topics. I'm just really happy with how this season went. I'm very happy with the support that we've received and I just look forward to doing more this next year. So I wanted to reflect. I wanted to give you all a view into the full season. This is episode two of the best of episodes. We're going to do one more of these and then we'll have our final show of the year. So sit back, relax. I'll let you know who is who at the end of the episode. Just enjoy the conversation.
Speaker 1:Of course, now you're married. You have a fantastically adorable kid. You're in this place where I feel like everything's going well relationship-wise. You spoke earlier about how your parents had a divorce and it was messy, and I'm always curious, especially earlier. You know earlier, like, when, like you're older and I'm older, like I always love hearing the dynamics of family like that. But when it comes to divorce, that affects everyone differently and so I'm always curious to ask, like what do you feel that did for you when it came to relationships, family, looking forward to your own family, seeing what you can do, either differently or, I don't know how did that affect you going into your relationships and now family?
Speaker 4:That's a really great question. That experience has run my life and I've chosen to let it run it in a good direction. I mean, I think I could look back and go. I had many options to not be okay growing up but, like, I've chosen a resistant path to not repeat. A resistant path to not repeat Ever since I knew that I, that I could be a mom.
Speaker 4:Like I said, I wanted to be one and I had a strong motivation to just redo what my, the way my mom was, and it has been the scariest thing about this entire my entire life actually I was going to say this entire decade, but truly my entire life to find out that I was having a daughter. My mom and I are have never been close. It's been a problem for my whole life and we've only had a few really tangible good moments in my life that I can really hang on to, and they're not. It's just there. There's not many and they're not. They're not even that great. I was just like, oh wow, we didn't fight that one time and because I'm, I do have high expectations.
Speaker 4:I guess, you could say I do have high expectations for her and they could be unfair, and I've been working on that, knowing that she can't be the person for me that I expect her to be. She can't, and that's okay with me now, but we have fought and fought and when I found out that I was having a daughter, I I just cried and cried and cried and it was the scariest news I ever got, which is I was going to make me emotional because she is the most perfect thing and I wouldn't, I wouldn't change a thing. She's the best. But it scared the shit out of me because I don't know how to be a mother, because I never saw it and I've had wonderful women in my life to make up for what I didn't have with my mom, and I know my mom's a good person to the right, to her husband, to the right people you know, outside of my relationship. I know she must be a good person, but I was so scared because I'd never seen a good mother daughter relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I've never seen it. I'm bound and determined, like try as I might to, to break that generational trauma. It's just might be my, my last, my dying wish. Like it just might be like my, my like. I know that that sounds dramatic, but it is like my number one goal yeah like that is.
Speaker 4:The ultimate long-term goal for me is to is to be what my mom couldn't be to me for her. And it's taken a lot. And when I say resistant path, I mean I. I am no contact with my mother right now. She this is really personal, but I'm just trying to be transparent. Like, some events led to me not being able to have a relationship with her while I was pregnant and I really haven't felt the need to or the ability or have the space to get back in touch with her. She's got a relationship with Kit. She calls Zach every Saturday and they FaceTime and that's totally fine with me. I'm not out here to do that. This is about me. This is about me being able to have the space to learn how to be a mother on my own and for me to be able to decide who I'm going to be with Kit on my own, without any stress and hindrance, if that makes sense.
Speaker 4:And as far as the divorce in my family goes I have a wonderful father very present goes I have a wonderful father very present. I consider him both parents and also best friend. I mean we talk for at least half an hour a day, if not more. He has taught me so much about patience and about letting go, especially to. I mean, he had to let go of my mom at, you know, when I was 10. And he was just like you know maybe you need to, and he's not encouraging me and he didn't come up with the idea. Believe me, you know he's been that place for me, so I know what it is to have love from your family and I want to. I know that I can give that to my own and I'm having to learn.
Speaker 4:I had Zach and I have been together for over 10 years now. We did break up after a hard first year here in New York and we just couldn't stay away from each other. Long story short, just we couldn't. So we came back to one another going I'm done with this like dating thing, are you done? Thing, are you done? He's like yeah, I'm done, we're done, like let's just not do that anymore, and he's. We met when I was 12 by way of my cousin, he. They were friends, so he knows me, he knows where I'm from, he knows what I'm about, and that was always easier than even though we really fought at the beginning.
Speaker 4:And what I keep, what you probably keep hearing is that there's a lot of fighting. I fought with my mom, I fought with Zach. I had to really unlearn fighting. As a result, I had to really unlearn arguing. I had to really unlearn arguing and I had to really learn how to stand alone in a relationship and strong on my own and understand that just because my partner is upset doesn't mean it's with me, and just because he's having a hard time in this brand new city doesn't mean that he hates me. And I would take everything really personally at the beginning and this was before I. This is before my frontal lobe formed Okay, I was still a kid, and this is before my Saturn return.
Speaker 4:You know like I just feel like all of this growing up happened with Zach and I together and here in New York city. That that I had to really unlearn what I had growing up happened with Zach and I together and here in New York city. That that I had to really unlearn what I had growing up, which was fighting and bickering and just as a as a knee, jerk instinct, because that's what I saw growing up. It's like doesn't for me. For me it does. It did not have to be like that and it actually can't.
Speaker 4:Zach and I got back together after that year and I had actually gone through a big group therapy moment with Landmark Education. I was just learning that if you can clear all of this craziness out of your mind, what is possible? If I can settle in whatever manner, whether it be no contact or working on my relationship with my mother which I've done both what if I can eliminate that negative and all the fighting like what's, what can I create with that, with what's available? Does that make sense, sense? Am I saying that right? No, it makes sense. Yeah, there's so much more room for possibilities, so much more room for activities, like Zach and I, because we're not fighting, we are choosing not to create arguments, have not since we got back together seven or eight years ago, whatever it is.
Speaker 4:And since we got back together seven or eight years ago, whatever it is, we have so much more room to create things and dream of a future. And you know, learn our kid and learn from each other. And it's easier said than done and it's taken a lot of work, but I think that's where we both are. I mean, there's plenty we can argue about, but we just know that we're committed to one another. Zach has actually been divorced. He's not interested in ever that happening again and I used to be like bring it out, bring it around to like just kind of a funny thing, but after having a baby, I'm not going out and dating anybody else. This body, uh-uh, yeah, this body, she's not going on Tinder ever again. Like oh, oh, no, no, you are stuck with me.
Speaker 5:This is what I told him.
Speaker 4:I was like every one of these stretch marks that's your marriage, every single one of those, it was like I didn't use it before I had a baby. I I was like divorce is healthy. If you're not happy, just don't. You know I used healthy. If you're not happy, just don't you know. I used to say don't stay in a marriage that it's not that you're not happy about and it's better for the kids if you just divorce, just don't be unhappy in your home. And I actually do not.
Speaker 4:I had this like realization a few weeks ago where I was like actually I get staying together for the kids thing, because I believe that divorce severs relationships with parents. And when they say they're staying together for the kids, it's they're staying together for their relationship with the kids, because children actually cannot quantify that you can break up, but everybody's okay and nobody did anything wrong or nobody's mad or it's was for the better deal. It's always oh, what, what happened? And why is there a divorce? Yeah, oh, it's because you know mom wasn't happy anymore or it's because dad was working too much. You know, there's always even as small as that blame placed somewhere and there was big blame. There is big, big blame in my parents' divorce Big, big giant, huge blame and my mom could never win. When I was a kid there was just no way. There was no way she was coming out on top and for that I feel for her. She did a lot of things, but I do feel for her in that there was no way she was winning that situation.
Speaker 4:She was never going to come out on top there. I think I'm team stick with it till the kids are old enough to understand. I think I'm team stick with it till the kids are old enough to understand. I know that that sounds ridiculous and I hope that it never comes to that, but I even texted Zach as soon as I had that realization. I was like no, this is not for, as a person whose biggest fear is for her child to not love her.
Speaker 4:Yeah child to not love her, like for her daughter to not, you know, want to be in her life. Because of the way I feel right now with my mom, like I don't want this with her, like I feel really bad. I mean, if she loves me even half as much as I love Kit, it's not good, you know, it sucks. I do think that I would do whatever it takes to make it work until they could understand that not everybody has to be the bad guy. Nobody has to be the bad guy in the situation.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I would do everything in my power to make sure that Zach was shining bright and I know that he would do the same for me and that's how you know you love somebody. Unfortunately, unfortunately, I don't think that anything. I don't see this happening for us, because I just know that I love him so much because of these conversations that we can have and because of this understanding that we would never let something like that happen to one another, and I hope that I can look back 50 years from now and say I was right and I think he feels the same way.
Speaker 1:For most people that move from St Louis, people that I know that I've spoken to about this I feel like we kind of have the same mentality. I'm curious if it's the same with you. I've been everywhere. I've been able to live in Connecticut for a little bit. I've been able to live in LA, chicago. Now I'm in Georgia and as a kid I was always told, dominique, st Louis will always be here, you can always come back. Just like you said, that's home. We can always go home. I can always find time to go back to the Green Tree Festival. I can always do that For sure.
Speaker 1:But, with that being said, some days I feel bad. It's never because of St Louis, it's always damn. I'm missing time with my grandmother. I'm missing time with my grandmother. I'm missing time with my mother. I'm missing time with my little brothers. I come home one time and little John is this tall. But then I come back and he's this grown man who has a deeper voice than me. It's like I miss those interactions most. But I'm not ashamed for leaving St Louis. I feel like it was one of the best moves for me to grow.
Speaker 6:Like you said, you feel trapped sometimes, Well, I think you know, looking at some of my friends back there and you know, God love them and I love them. But I feel like there's a little bit of this aura, you know, whenever I go back there or they think about me and they're like, wow, Sam, Sam got out, he escaped. I feel like not a lot of people get those opportunities, especially in the Midwest. I know a lot of people that I love them, so I'm not going to sit here and say that they're stuck, but in a way they are a little stuck. They're there and I do feel I came out here on a crusade and I was thinking, you know, maybe we would wind up on this topic. I felt a little traitorous when I left it was right around the time of mike brown yeah and that was a big thing for all of us living in the city.
Speaker 6:you know like we all hit the streets and in protests, and but that was right about the time that I left too, there was a thought that crossed my mind. Where I was, like I'm getting out, I'm running, there's a problem that I know, especially that you're very passionate about. I was like, well, I feel bad. I feel like I'm kind of just dipping out and letting you guys fix the problem.
Speaker 1:Well, the thing is, you feel a way that most people that are like white people don't usually feel that way from St Louis.
Speaker 1:So, like you're better than most, I always, always admired you because, like you said, you are down for the cause and invested. That's something that you don't get a lot of from other people in the city. I remember that like it was yesterday, because I was about to leave St Louis, too, the night that they announced that they weren't going to do anything to the officer that killed him. I remember there was two huge protests. There was one in Ferguson, of course, and then there was one on South Grand, and I lived on South Grand, so I was looking outside my window and people were marching up and down the street and I remember that, like it was yesterday where it was, like the whole city had this weird reaction.
Speaker 1:Some people were so terrified of what was going to happen and secretly, they started sending emails to different companies to hey, close early today, make sure people get home so that everyone is safe, because something might happen tonight, an announcement might happen tonight. They weren't. They were so vague on what was going on and, like you said, every time I leave and I see Black Lives Matter, I think about that started at home, that started with the stuff that was happening on the streets back in St Louis, but for me it was. I never felt like I was running from it, no matter what, everywhere you go. That's that's kind of the scenario. It isn't just in St.
Speaker 6:Louis. Well, you know, like I said, when I moved out here, I kind of got on a little crusade. You've spent time here in Colorado. There is not much in the way of black culture out here, at least the way that I know it and you know it, living in Atlanta. That being said, I think there's a lot of ignorance. The definition of ignorance is just simply not knowing, because, yeah, there is hardly any black culture out here, at least it's pretty much the west coast like.
Speaker 1:That's the kind of like I mean. When I think of denver, it felt very west coast kind of feeling, but the difference was the diversity wasn't there. You go to la or you go to san francisco it's very diverse but it still feels like a west coast city. It's just in the mountains, you know. So it makes sense that they're more progressive, but also they don't really have the conflict. So they might be progressive but they don't have the things going on which sometimes you look like you're looking at the world from like this snow globe, where you're in this wonderful place and it's like everything's great but we should be doing stuff to help out there. But how can we, what? What should I be doing?
Speaker 6:you know, I'm saying that's, that's kind of the way I'm thinking it might be like for you yeah, well, first things first I can open my mouth and speak up yeah and you know, say like, hey, like I've lived in st louis, I lived in I'm putting in quotation marks the hood, like I, like, I've seen it, I'm lucky, I understand, like as a white man, like I had the jackpot here in the United States. So what I need to do is at least open my mouth because people will listen to me. I am an ambassador, the way I look at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 6:I work with a lot of Trumpish people a lot of you know rednecks if you will and I've had to ask them. Very recently, I asked a coworker of mine to not use certain language in front of me. I was very stern with him and he shut up.
Speaker 6:He listened to me and I think it's that ignorance but nobody's had to struggle with that, nobody's, you know, really witnessed it. And yeah, when I asked him, I was like dude, I was like don't say that in front of me, like you shouldn't say that, period, whether or not you're in front of me or not. But you know you're a grown man, so you know you're gonna do what you're gonna to do, but stop, not, okay. And he did, and I think maybe something popped in him and he realized he was like well, yeah, he's right. I'm like well, yeah, if you know I'm right, then why are you doing it?
Speaker 1:I remember having a conversation with you. It was one of those like brotherly late night bunk bed conversations in our dorm room. I remember this like it was yesterday and we were talking about our future and I was like man, I want to travel, I want to go here, I want to go there. I'm trying to hit these bitches Like I was fucking around, you know, but I'll say all this stuff and you were like, you know, I just want to be a father and I'll never forget that night. I said all of the stupid stuff about traveling and all the people. I want to be with you. Just plainly, I want to be a father. That was your goal and you have four babies now. I guess I did. Family was key. That was the number one thing you wanted to be. That was the first thing you said. How long did you know? That was like the thing for you. How long did you know? Hey, I want some babies and I want to be the poppet?
Speaker 5:I don't know. I just had good role models from my parents. I always saw myself as being a father and having children. God, thinking back to when I said that I probably wasn't. Even now I'm like I don't know what I'm doing half the time, but they're all very, very smart and I'm very proud of all of them.
Speaker 1:The Kennedy girls. Do you feel like they have that rep that you and your brother had when y'all were the Kennedy boys in town? Everybody knew y'all and all that jazz.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I think they're really popular in school. All the teachers love them and they've all got a lot of friends. Yeah, I feel like the teachers all want them in their classes. We're pretty lucky because Zoe is our oldest, she's the first one that all the teachers get to see and she is just so polite, so well-mannered. And then you get to Eliza and she's the opposite so well-mannered, and then you get to eliza and she's the opposite eliza's sweet eliza's.
Speaker 1:Sweet though she, if you like, if you communicate with her right, she is very sweet yeah, I think it's just she gets.
Speaker 5:She's so smart, she gets a little bored yeah, and then she gets restless. She's a little hard-headed, but I love that about her because she's not taking any shit from anybody.
Speaker 1:She's like her mama, that's the thing. She's just like April.
Speaker 5:She very much is like April. Sometimes I wish she'd be a little bit more lenient with me and listen a little bit more, because I'm just trying to take care of her. I tell them all the time I'm like you know, know, sometime I'm gonna tell you not to do something. That's like don't run out in the street because there's a car coming. You're not gonna listen to me and you might get hurt. I'm not telling you not to do things to be mean or to have you miss out on anything. It's because I don't want you to get hurt. But I guess maybe I need to let go a little bit and let them learn their own lessons sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a helicopter parent, but I just want what's best for them.
Speaker 1:Of course. I mean that's what you should want. You're a great guy, but that's the thing I see out of them. I always say that Zoe has more of you in the goofiness that you have in you. Eliza, I'm sure, has that goofy. She is goofy, all of them are goofy. But I feel like Lola has made me laugh the most in so many moments. When she was down here she was just like a comedian. The girl is hilarious. But Zoe has more of you. I feel like Eliza has more of April all through, and Lola. Like I said, lola's the one that I thought was always going to be the little princess. She was always the one who could command the room herself. If she wanted what she wanted, she would get it. Because she's so, she's determined.
Speaker 5:Yes, determined.
Speaker 1:Exactly. That's a good way to look at it, but as a father of these three, of course but now you got a fourth I feel like Nova is so new to the game. It's a little difficult to gauge her personality and the things that she's going to do to influence everyone. Like you said, you're nervous about if you're doing right and you're nervous about everything. You just want the best for them. But with that being said, how do you feel that you're doing in general? What things do you think you're doing good with them?
Speaker 5:Well, I think that they're all. They're all very, very smart. I don't know how much credit I can take for that. I do help them with their homework, but so does April. So we're we're pretty active in their schoolwork, but I'm very proud that they're all so smart and they're all getting straight A's. You know it's.
Speaker 5:It's a constant struggle because sometimes I feel like I'm too hard on them and being on the on the route every day, I'm by myself and all I have to do all day is think yeah so I'm constantly thinking about I shouldn't have said this or I should have handled that differently with the children, and I'm constantly thinking I'm a bad father and I just don't want to, don't want to mess them up, you know yeah but when I'm in the moment, I feel like I get a little too strict and then I immediately think, man, they're just kids, am I? Why am I getting a little angry and shutting what they're doing down?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 5:And it's it's a constant thing every day. I'm always thinking well, I'm out on the route Like man. I'm not doing a good job.
Speaker 1:You're doing a good job, dude. I feel like when they came down here one that was still I don't know how much you know Like I said, I've been begging y'all to come down here for so long I literally made my little walkway in the front yard with Zoe in mind. I was like I'm going to do this and I'm going to put this little hopscotch here so that when the girls come here they can do this. Literally, that's what my head immediately went to, to my goddaughters coming to my house and knowing that they can come see uncle dom whenever they want to. And it's just, it's so dope to see them all together and kind of see all of y'all.
Speaker 1:and and we had it in a weird way where april was so sick when she was here that it was really just me and adrian get to kick it with the girls for a little bit yeah until you got down and it was just so fun, it's so cool and I, like I said, I don't think you're doing a bad job and I hope you don't really feel like you're doing bad because it's really great to see where you've come and how they've come and, like I said, you wanted to be a father and boom, you're dad. You'd be dad. You know what I'm saying. Out out of the crew, you've had the babies the longest, if anything. Zoe is a great example of just a kid that I'm so pumped to see where she goes as an adult. It'll be so dope that if, like you know oh my god, I know that I want more for her than southeast missouri state, but it would be kind of dope to be able to go back to SEMO for homecoming for Zoe and stuff like that or to see her. You know, I just I know that they're going to be great.
Speaker 1:And there was a moment I had I think I told you about this when I was laying the mulch in the front yard before you got in town, Me and Eliza was outside and I was just like Eliza, what do you want to do when you grow? What do you want to do this and that. And she was like I want to be a scientist. And I was like, oh dope, that's that's dope. What do you? What do you want to be a scientist? What do you want to do? She was like I want to cure cancer.
Speaker 5:And.
Speaker 1:I'll never forget that moment. She'll be a 34 year old-old woman who hates me. I don't know what our relationship would be then, but she'll hate me and I'll be like I just remember when you were a kid you were so great. Now you suck. I see so much light in those kids and they don't get that without you as pops. Of course, April as well, but don't beat yourself up, man. You're doing fantastic.
Speaker 5:Well, you know, I think it's probably what everybody does when you've got hours by yourself, you just start nitpicking everything that you think you've not done the best at, and then second guess a hundred different choices that you've made throughout the previous day and, deep down, I think I'm doing a good job, because they're very respectful.
Speaker 5:I feel like at home is their safe space. That's what we get, april and I. They go crazy here because this is their safe space. They can do what they want and they can be who they are. They can just kind of let their guard down around us. Maybe that's why they get so nuts and crazy. All I hear whenever we're out is how, how good they are and how respectful they are to everybody and they are.
Speaker 1:They're very polite they make me so happy and last year sucked because it was like the first Halloween I didn't get to spend with them in a long time, but I got to see them here at the house and that made the year for me. I'm just so proud of y'all. I'm so happy for you Because, more than anything, like I said, I will always remember that night and you saying I just want to be a pop. So whenever I see you with the babies and I see you with the kids on Facebook or Snap or whatever, it reminds me of us being kids in college and us actually talking about our dreams and, out of all of those crazy dreams that we had, the one that was accomplished, like I said, because of that eagle eye approach that you have. You wanted to be a father man. Boom, you got some babies in there.
Speaker 1:Man, before we get to the end of the podcast and I always appreciate you being on here I want to make sure that before we leave here, I point out the fact that you said oh, I fucking hate LeBron James. You are the worst type of person in the world and I want everyone who's listening to this podcast to hear me when I call him out on this. I am going to say this with my chest because I'm usually scared to say this, but tonight, no, no, no. Tonight I am feeling myself that scotch and soda is gone already. Scotty, you, you are the worst kind of person, in my opinion, when I say if you're like Dominique, who are the worst sport fans in the world, it's not Lakers fans. I want Lakers fans to know I got nothing but love for you. If you love your team, if you love your city, if you love what you do, that is beautiful. If you don't live in LA and you just support the Lakers, if you're from Minnesota and you, like yo, the Lakers used to be here that's my team love. That's what it's all about. The game is great, but you fucking Kobe fans make me so angry. I have had enough time.
Speaker 1:Kobe passed away. It was horrible. I was in LA when it happened and it broke my heart and I really was able to look back and be like you know what. This dude was a huge part of my life as well, even though I usually was rooting against him. Kevin Garnett I wanted him to beat Kobe. I wanted Dwight Howard, whoever was playing Kobe, I wanted them all to beat Kobe.
Speaker 1:I was always against Kobe. I don't know if I ever seen anyone I liked Kobe less. The reason why I say they're the worst is because of people like you. Lebron brought the Lakers a championship is because of people like you. Lebron brought the Lakers a championship. You support the Lakers, right? You got a chip because of that man. That man is averaging 25, 8, and 8 without even trying. Almost it seems like he is down there 50, and he's out here putting up numbers still to this day. But for some reason, you fucking Kobe fans will not get over it. Kobe's been retired for how long now? Too damn long for you to be holding on to it. It's over.
Speaker 8:It's over, lebron literally could have went anywhere except for the Lakers. I can't stand it and I still wouldn't have liked him. But I really don't like him because he came to the Lakers and that championship he won was a bubble championship. Stop that, Stop it. That was the Lakers.
Speaker 1:And that championship he won was a bubble championship. Stop that, stop it. That was the most constant. Think about that, man. If you and I were locked in a gym and it was like ball, that's it It'd be harder to win in that gym than it would any other time.
Speaker 8:They had the oldest team in the bubble so obviously they were going to win. Like they didn't have anything. The oldest team is were going to win. The oldest team is obviously going to win. What you sound like a lunatic right now.
Speaker 8:They were the most locked in. If you have to be in a place this whole time just focused on basketball, obviously you have LeBron on the team. He doesn't care, he's going to be locked in either way. He's probably had his whole own part of the resort while they were locked in the bubble so he wasn't didn't have regular treatment like everybody else. All those dudes, like everybody on that Lakers team, they were like vet vets. So they were a little more focused on the task at hand.
Speaker 1:So it's like, right now I just I I'm cutting you off. This is my show.
Speaker 8:okay, sir, with that being said, but I like LeBron as a person, though, like as a humanitarian.
Speaker 1:He's a great person and the idea you said you hate LeBron you shouldn't be using the word hate.
Speaker 8:I hate LeBron as a hooper. You can put it on wax.
Speaker 1:I can't stand people. He did nothing wrong to you but come out and ball. That's all he's done anyway. I know most people listening to this podcast is not basketball fans. I'm sorry. I'm an extreme huge nba fan and that is something that you don't get a lot of on this, because I'm usually talking about my fucking feelings. This is how I feel. I can't stand kobe fans because you have this shit right here.
Speaker 2:I learned a long time ago when we were doing like open mics and these first few shows, when I was coming up with songs and I was really young, the mentality that I had was, whether it's one person or it's one million, I'm still doing something that I love and I really don't give a fuck who loves it as long as I love it, because if I don't love it, nobody else is going to fall in love with it, nobody else is going to be drawn to it, nobody else is going to happen to be like, oh okay. Well, how do you feel about it? I don't really like it. The minute I don't feel good about what I'm doing is the minute I lose the audience, whether the audience is just me or it's Wembley Stadium, wherever your goal place or your goal amount of people or viewers or followers is.
Speaker 2:I have another quote At any given time on this big blue ass rock that's spinning through space and we're paying bills on, there's going to be at least one person that really hates me on this planet. There's going to be one, one, two, five, 10 people who I barely even met and I just kind of have to deal with that, and that planet still keeps spinning. Day turns to night, night turns to day. I wake up every morning. Somebody's going to be pissed at me, somebody's not going to like what I do, somebody's going to not like how I say, and that's okay, because it's not for everybody. I can't please every fucking body. It's the Abraham Lincoln quote. You can please some of the people all the time, all the people some of the time, but you cannot please all the people all the time, and it's that undeniable fact about life.
Speaker 1:And that's where I think I'm getting now. The breathing, waking up early, creating a routine, trying my best to rehearse as much as possible, looking out for my body, looking out for my head, my wellbeing. That has helped me start to understand more and more. I did like. I did a show in December. It was a Johnny Mathis Christmas show. I've done it in Chicago, I've done it in New York, I've done it in LA, I've done it all over. So I was excited to bring it to Atlanta. Like I said, the singing, the show part is never hard. Doing the show, putting the show together, rehearsing for the show, getting people in the room is the hardest part for me. Getting people that I respect to come to the shows and tell me, hey, you're still great and you're doing this and like that's always number one in my head of like, will I be able to do it? Is it going to work? Will people be there? Is this, what? Should I keep doing this? Am I doing this to the right people? Am I advertising the right people? Am I advertising like? I can go on and on and on with how my brain works and by the end of the show I was so happy with what I did musically. But then you know, like mentally I'm already second guessing things. Like my whole family was here and it was like the weekend that they came to visit me for Christmas from St Louis and I'm like, instead of me, just like having us time, I I'm like come see me at a show, kind of thing. But they came for the show, they wanted to be at the show, so like I convinced myself that what I did was bad. But they already like, what are you talking about? Like we want to see you do this, we want to support you and I'm like, yeah, dominique, just because you don't like promo and you don't like the whole marketing side, the business side, yeah, you can't let that affect what you did and how much you enjoy doing it and loving it. Like you said, and like I said, I can talk through this and tell you how my mind works through it. But it's just going to take more and more of me getting to a place where I'm comfortable with just being me on that stage and okay with maybe the show is supposed to be just for my family, maybe that is the people that's supposed to show up, because that was. It was hard to just look out in the audience and it was, like you know, maybe eight people show up who weren't family. About 20 members of my family was there. That's what's up, though, like a lot of people can't say they have that kind of support.
Speaker 1:But in my head you always think of the negative. You think about when you missed the shot more than when you made the shot. Absolutely In my head I'm thinking about the fact that at my phone I had 18 text messages that day of people being like hey, man, you're going to kill it tonight, I know it, I'll see the next one. Or oh, man, I'm sorry I can't make it tonight. Or oh, it, I'll see the next one. Or oh, man, I'm sorry I can't make it tonight. Or oh, I forgot it was today. Man, I'm not gonna be there. And it's just. You see that and the idea that they thought about you to let you know hey, I'm sorry I couldn't be there, but you're still gonna do great. That should be good enough.
Speaker 1:But in my head I'm that's 20 people at $25.
Speaker 1:That's a lot of money that could have been paying this band and the videographer and for the promos that I put on the show. They could say what they want. But in my head I'm like this isn't helping me continue my career, it's not helping me mentally and it's just like every show. That's why I haven't done as many of those shows this year, because last year I did four. I was like I'm not gonna do that many this year.
Speaker 1:It mentally did so much damage where it's like I don't want to do another one like that, where I produce it and I put my blood, soul and tears and everything into it and I just beat myself up because of the outcome. I don't want that. Yesterday I didn't have to think about any of that. I just came in, sang, met new people, put up a video, got really excited about doing it. It was all that was going on was that day I got to perform and then there was a black cigar shop owner. So I went to their cigar shop, got me a cigar that night and supported. I was so happy after I left there. And I went to their cigar shop, got me a cigar that night and supported. I was so happy after I left there and I'm like that's what I'm chasing, just being happy.
Speaker 2:I have to commend you for just going having an idea and executing it, because you're like I want to see how this goes, because I will self-sabotage beforehand, be like, hey, man, you should put together an album or a show or do something you know. And then I can think of every single reason why I shouldn't do it, why I would fail and why there would be no one there to support me and I just won't do it. And that has been the majority of my musical career. And I'm just now, especially with us, working together. Now I'm just like, hey, you're just going to have to do the thing and whatever happens happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But most of the time it's just like, man, you know, I have an idea of like, oh, I should probably do something. Or, you know, I could probably come up with some more music, because a lot of people are like, hey, no, because I'm way too self-conscious about my music. And where would I sing? How would I sing it? How would I? You know, how would I format that? You know, where would I release it on? What musicians would I hire to do that? Where would I get the money for that?
Speaker 2:And then I go into the spiral of like I probably shouldn't do that because I don't have the equipment that I need, or I don't, I can't, I shouldn't do it, and then I just don't. And so, and that's and here's the thing None of that is true. I have access to musicians, I have access to recording equipment. I can record it here. I would just have to initiate everything. And for me to do that, it just feels like so much willpower and so much energy and I'm so scared of putting energy into something like that and it failing.
Speaker 2:But I fail when I don't do it. I don't fail when I execute, and that's the thing that I have to keep telling myself and reminding myself Like you're not failing, if you're executing, it will start off small, it will start off slow, but you cannot say just don't do it. You have to give it a shot. You have to put some type of effort, some type of energy, some type of creative juice into it before you just like, all right, well, that's not going to work. Which is why, you know, when the idea popped up for the stuff that we're working on, it was just like, oh OK, cool. I think I'm going to actually follow through with this, because this could be a big opportunity and something that nobody else I know is doing.
Speaker 1:So, jesse Lynn, yeah, talk to me. How are you feeling, how are you doing, how are you?
Speaker 3:I am doing surprisingly well. I'm not going to lie. It's kind of the time where it's like why did I marry for love? Why didn't I marry rich? Why do I have to get up and go to work when it's cold and it's dark out?
Speaker 1:up and go to work when it's cold and it's dark out, but you know, but that's how people go to get the no, jesse Lynn. Why did I marry? For love?
Speaker 3:That's how I start the podcast you know, it's just that time of the year and I have to remind myself that I don't hate. I don't hate my job, I just hate cold mornings. You know, that's really all it is. And, like you know, at this I realized today that I am six months pregnant, which feels very pregnant, but I don't I feel really good. So I'm going to just keep leaning into that as long as it lasts.
Speaker 1:And how is that going? How has the pregnancy been? Has it been difficult? Have you been throwing up? Have you been normal, cool as a cucumber?
Speaker 3:Paul has barfed more during this pregnancy than I have by like a long shot. I've been, honestly, it's been like. This is my own personal experience, you know, and I am very, very grateful for this experience, because I know that not everybody has it this way, but it's been, it's been fine. Yeah, I could not be more grateful. Yeah, it's been good, baby's healthy. We had our anatomy scan a few weeks ago and he's moving and shaking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, everything's going well any cravings, any weird headaches, nothing at all.
Speaker 3:You're just smooth sailing no real cravings but like I will eat a popsicle like at any point of the day all I want. I do want popsicles I wouldn't even call it a craving.
Speaker 3:It's just like I don't know that's what sounds good. I guess it is a craving, but other than that, not really there were. There were a few aversions in the very beginning and Paulito was very patient with that, which I appreciate. I was like Paul, do you know what sounds good? All-gratin potatoes, which is not an easy dish to make, and the man sliced up, peeled potatoes, made me delicious homemade all-gratin potatoes and then when he put it in front of me, front of me, I was like nope, don't want that was it the smell or was it just the way it looked?
Speaker 1:like what happened?
Speaker 3:oh, the texture. The baby is, like, I think, also a vegetarian, because now? Meat doesn't taste good, yeah but so no, no cravings, but definitely some aversions. We've been eating a lot of tofu, so the baby's an environmentalist. He's. You know, whatever is after Gen Z, he's even more of an environmentalist.
Speaker 1:Well, how is that then? I mean, I don't know if I think you might be surprised by this, but I've never been pregnant. What I don't think I can get pregnant.
Speaker 5:And.
Speaker 1:I don't understand what it does to my body. You're in a place now where you're saying it's going well. You haven't had too many hiccups. Like, are you excited? Like what? What are your feelings? Are you worried? Do you feel like you still have so much to do? Like, where's your head at right now?
Speaker 3:Yes To all of that. Yeah, definitely, as it's like becoming more real as getting excited, paul has been working non-stop to get the house like up to shape, to bring a human, another human, into it. Um, it's been fine for he and seamus and I, but it's like, oh, we have a baby coming, so we should probably fix some of this stuff.
Speaker 3:yeah, uh, for instance, the walls don't touch the floor in the baby's room, so we should probably fix some of this stuff. Yeah, uh, for instance, the walls don't touch the floor in the baby's room, so we have to fix that. Um, so, like watching him nest for lack of a better word has been really nice. It's been really sweet. I appreciate all he's doing to get our house ready and it's been nice the way that he has really been picking up the slack.
Speaker 3:I work two jobs and, like coming home, I have been a little bit more tired and like I've come home to the dishes like done most of the time, even when it's been super duper, my turn to do them, because he has made dinner every night. Also, it's been an interesting part of our relationship, like the way that we're growing, so that's been exciting to see just to like have a little bit even more give and take. So excited, and I'm as nervous as most new parents are like I don't know, I've never done this before, but I feel like I couldn't have picked a better partner to do this with.
Speaker 1:I couldn't have picked a better partner to do this with, starting with Biden as our president. Where is your head at? Are you like dreading the day that you're going to have to check it and be like oh man, here we go, let's go ahead and just get him in there? Are you? Are you wishing that he would just step down so that we can elect someone else? Where is your head at? I?
Speaker 7:guess is are we talking from the pragmatist, the radicalist? I don't know who is being asked that question.
Speaker 1:Oh man, this is murky, murky territory in terms of I wanted to talk to you about it because I knew that you'd be like oh, I want to do this. I'm right there with you where I'm like this is hard, but I'm like I feel like I should vocalize it, and you're the first person I wanted to talk to.
Speaker 7:I appreciate you thinking about me, joe Biden. Ok, let me start with this, impose another question. Blue, no matter who, is a sentiment. It is a perspective that a lot of people have, especially when you have kind of seen the course of history and how the democratic party has often aligned itself in modern times. Yeah now, joe biden's record was not good before he got elected.
Speaker 1:Well, no, no before barack obama, because when he became a barack obama's vice president out of nowhere, everyone was like we love joe. Yeah, you know, it was like joe's, so fun. He's the the guy in the background.
Speaker 7:We don't have to really worry about him he's on kind of on some segregationist type stuff in his like you, you know earlier years. So you kind of take that in and then live through his presidency and think about what was promised versus what is actually happening. Whether I am very naive or didn't kind of chart his actual history and or any of that kind of reflects on me. But as the times have gone on, the veil has been lifted, so to speak, or that sort of cozy at least not Trump has been lifted for me. So the perspective of a voter, just like a citizen civilian, I feel let down. I guess that's honestly the softest way I could put it. I feel let down. I guess that's that's honestly the softest way I could put it. I feel, yeah, I agree I'll be soft.
Speaker 1:I feel like for me, and this is so early in the game, but for me, joe has had a side eye for me since the day he looked in the camera was like you ain't black if you don't vote for me. That moment, till till now, I've been side-eyeing him hard. And I'm saying that because before that I remember when Barack Obama gave him the Medal of Freedom and I was like that was just such an emotional moment. It was so cool. I was so happy for him and his family and I thought he was just the greatest guy. Whatever he did in the past didn't matter at that point. He was Obama's guy and Obama was looking out for him and I felt like that was like his retirement reward. It was like he's going off into the sunset. We won't ever have to see him again. And then we had to see him again. What is your favorite word?
Speaker 5:Miscellaneous.
Speaker 1:What is your least favorite word? Moist, okay. What turns you on? Money and power? No, what Power? Money, power, okay, power. What turns you off? Our baby. What's your favorite curse word? F word okay. What sound or noise do you love? The laughter of a baby. What sound or noise do you hate when people do that where they're trying to get the snot out? What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I would love to be an attorney. And what profession would you not like to do? Anything that involves cleaning. And lastly, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you appear at the pearly gates? You made it Welcome.
Speaker 1:I want to thank you for listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. Today's episode, of course, was our second best of episode and we're going to do one more of these next week and then we're going to have our final episode at the end of the month. I just I truly enjoy doing the show and it really has been a great part of my life being able to go from January to September every year, talking through. You know my feelings and things that I'm going through and catching up with people that I love and seeing where they're at and and growing. So thank you so much for being a part of this and listening to all the shows and and showing love. We've been having so many people actually reach out and support the show and I just can't. I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 1:So, just to go through everyone who was on the show this week, I want to shout out my boy, benjamin Stevens, the worst singer in the world I guess that's not what his Instagram is. Worst singer alive is his Instagram. Shout out to my girl, hannah Moore, heath Kennedy, my boy J Boogie, jonathan Butts, jesse Lynn Cochran, scott Jones what a guy, what a guy. Shout out to Scotty Sam Niehaus, of course. Shout out Henry, if you want to go by his middle name. And then, of course, the last person was my mother, carla Hunley. Love you tremendously and I appreciate everybody for taking time to listen to me today.
Speaker 1:I'll see y'all next week and if you want to get anything else music wise you want to check in to see what I'm doing. You know where to go instagram, dom underscore, l-a-m-o-u-r. And at domlamorecom. That's where you can get anything and everything. Dom Lamore, I appreciate y'all so much. Y'all be safe tonight. Make sure to support the show if you can. The link is at the bottom of the episode description. Shout out to y'all much love. Make sure to support the show if you can. The link is at the bottom of the episode description. Shout out to y'all Much love.
