Dom L'Amour speaks with good friend Jeff Holtmeier AKA @jeff_holtmeier about Career choices, being a father and husband, things we miss from college, and so much more.
When Reverend Jeff Holtmeier and I, sit down to chat, the air fills with a blend of laughter and introspection that only old friends can stir up. Jeff’s journey from the revelry of our college days to the rich fulfillment of family life in Washington, Missouri, paints a vivid picture of the transformative power of returning to one's roots. Together, we trace the contours of our past escapades—those theater department triumphs and bartending nights that shaped us—and how those experiences have sculpted the men we've become, dedicated to our families and communities with a newfound sense of purpose.
There's a certain magic in reminiscing about the tight-knit bonds formed over impromptu travels and shared milestones, like that unforgettable senior cabaret performance Jeff and I once nailed. Our dialogue navigates the delicate dance between holding onto the camaraderie of those treasured college connections and embracing the beautiful complexities of adulthood. We weave through the chapters of our lives, from the echoes of raucous basketball games to the tender tales of parenting, reflecting on the natural sacrifices that feel like second nature when you're shaping the lives of your little ones.
As I extend my heartfelt thanks to you, our listeners, for joining us in this mosaic of emotions and storytelling, Jeff and I hope you'll find warmth in our shared narratives. The Black Man Talking Emotions podcast is more than just a series of conversations—it's a space for acknowledging the journey, the lessons learned, and the profound appreciation for the company we keep along the way. Tune in to gather insight, share a few chuckles, and maybe even see your own story reflected in ours.
Opening quote: Henry ford
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "Sam’s Song" Cover Performed by Dom L'Amour and Jeff Holtmeier
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at
Dom L'Amour speaks with good friend Jeff Holtmeier AKA @jeff_holtmeier about Career choices, being a father and husband, things we miss from college, and so much more.
When Reverend Jeff Holtmeier and I, sit down to chat, the air fills with a blend of laughter and introspection that only old friends can stir up. Jeff’s journey from the revelry of our college days to the rich fulfillment of family life in Washington, Missouri, paints a vivid picture of the transformative power of returning to one's roots. Together, we trace the contours of our past escapades—those theater department triumphs and bartending nights that shaped us—and how those experiences have sculpted the men we've become, dedicated to our families and communities with a newfound sense of purpose.
There's a certain magic in reminiscing about the tight-knit bonds formed over impromptu travels and shared milestones, like that unforgettable senior cabaret performance Jeff and I once nailed. Our dialogue navigates the delicate dance between holding onto the camaraderie of those treasured college connections and embracing the beautiful complexities of adulthood. We weave through the chapters of our lives, from the echoes of raucous basketball games to the tender tales of parenting, reflecting on the natural sacrifices that feel like second nature when you're shaping the lives of your little ones.
As I extend my heartfelt thanks to you, our listeners, for joining us in this mosaic of emotions and storytelling, Jeff and I hope you'll find warmth in our shared narratives. The Black Man Talking Emotions podcast is more than just a series of conversations—it's a space for acknowledging the journey, the lessons learned, and the profound appreciation for the company we keep along the way. Tune in to gather insight, share a few chuckles, and maybe even see your own story reflected in ours.
Opening quote: Henry ford
Opening and Closing Theme song: Produced by Dom L'Amour
Transition Music from Mad Chops Vol. 1 and Mad Chops Vol. 2 by Mad Keys
and
from Piano Soul Vol.1(Loop Pack) by The Modern Producers Team
Featured song: "Sam’s Song" Cover Performed by Dom L'Amour and Jeff Holtmeier
Cover art by Studio Mania: Custom Art @studiomania99
Please subscribe to the podcast, and give us a good rating. 5 stars please and thank you. Follow me on @doml_amour on Instagram. Or at
whether you want to or not, we're all incredibly selfish beings up until and for some people, well past. When you choose to, hey, I'm going to spend my life with this person. Now, it's not about just me, it's about me and this other person, my spouse, my partner, whatever it may be. And then, after that fact, when you two decide to bring another life into this world, now it's not about hey, it's what's best for me and what's best for you. It's all about what's best for that little person. Yeah, and I'd like to tell you that, oh, it takes a lot of work and to a degree it doesn't, but it doesn't feel like work. It's not something you think about, at least for me, and I should just speak to how I feel. But it's not hard to sacrifice something for your kid, because it's as natural as breathing. It just happens.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, and anyone else who is here. My name is Dom Lamour and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. I'm Lamar and you are listening to the Black man Talking Emotions podcast. On today's episode, I speak with the Reverend Jeff Holtmeyer about career choices, being a father and a husband, things we miss about college, and so much more. One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his greatest surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do. If there's one person I could point at in the world and I could say you know, I promise you, I didn't see this person doing these things in their life.
Speaker 1:It would be you. If there was one person I couldn't see doing these things in my life, it would be me as well.
Speaker 2:This is going to be a hard episode because for me, I'm gonna have to actually be nice and tell you how proud I am of you. You don't have to be nice, it's so incredible to see you doing how well you are. I'm so proud of you. I really am. I am happy for you you put the wrong emphasis.
Speaker 1:There it's. You're supposed to say. It's so hard to see you doing so. The emphasis is directly on like, oh, you're doing this.
Speaker 2:No, I'm sorry. So the reason why I was just telling someone this the other day I remember once in college we were talking and I was like why don't you have any food in the fridge, like do you go grocery shopping? And he was like no, I just eat at work and I eat whatever, whatever. Get my manager meal and I make it last. And I was like that's the guy we're talking about and I trust him with my finances. Now that's called fiscal responsibility.
Speaker 1:That's called fiscal responsibility. Food goes bad, you know eventually.
Speaker 2:So I just want you to start this off. Just tell everyone about your journey from college to businessman and all of the hurdles and just your mentality from then to now.
Speaker 1:It was a very unique approach, not one I would tell to my younger self. In fact, I got to speak recently at my high school, san Francisco, georgia. They had a business series where they're letting young kids talk to people in business and being a small business owner and in finance. I got put in the business section and the teacher who was taking care of the event said if you could go back and tell your 18-year-old self something, what would it be? I said I would strangle him, I would wrap both my hands around his neck and I would probably strangle him.
Speaker 1:And she was like well, I appreciate your honesty. So I was like no, but so essentially I was in high school and had no idea what I was going to do. I just took the best scholarship available, which happened to be for musical theater, which I did do in high school, but it wasn't a goal of mine to be a professional actor or dancer or singer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, got into college and my goal was girls yeah yeah, girls and fun and drinking and just having a good time and and you witnessed a large portion of that firsthand yeah, that was my major. It's just all on the piece of paper. It didn't say that. So, yeah, when I got out of college I was like, well, I'm gonna, and at that time I'd been a bouncer and bartender and, and that's was the life, I'd settle into another. Well, I have a degree, I guess I'll go bartend somewhere else. And I, I went home and I bartended into a couple bars in my hometown and eventually I got a job, uh, doing security or operations at a coca in St Louis.
Speaker 1:And I started dating my wife, jamie, who we'd known each other since, since high school, and always cared for each other. But she basically is responsible for any success I have in this world. She's responsible for the fact that I'm probably alive. I can't. I mean, a lot of people are like, oh, I want to thank my spouse and give them credit. I literally would have accomplished nothing. I probably would have just stayed a bartender, smoking a pack a day and developed into a terrible cliche. But Jamie was like hey, one of your skills is you're really personable, you can talk to anybody, you can find common ground with anybody and you're really good at taking high concept things and making them understandable and breaking them down for people in a way they understand. I was like, okay, is that a job? She's like actually it is, it's she. She said she worked for edward jones as a compliance uh officer. She was like you can get on board with edward jones, uh, here in st louis, like jimmy, I can't do anything in finance. I don't know what finance and that's you know I didn't. She goes. Well, they have a program.
Speaker 1:So for a while there I temped at a couple places. I did some job as a cost basis analyst at Edward Jones and just kind of got a feel for it and finally, when I was ready, I was like, ok, let's, let's do this. I still think it's far fetched that I could be in a financial advisor, but let's go ahead and give it a shot. So I ended up doing their program, which is like nine months of intense training. Most people live in St Louis, right across from the campus.
Speaker 1:For this portion. I was with people from all over the country and their approach was very much scattershot, and I'm sure Edward Jones wouldn't like hearing this. But in my opinion, what, at least what it used to be was hey, if you have a pulse, we're going to try and put you through the program, see if you can pass the test, and put you out there and see if you can start making us money. I was one of those people who had a pulse and I even remember, in the some of the questions I was asking in, like the first day of classes, all these other kids who are now even at that point, like five years younger than me, were looking at me like this guy does not know the first thing about anything, and sure I didn't yeah.
Speaker 1:So I had to spend my full-time job was studying and studying and studying. I actually did fairly well on my license exam for series seven, series 66. And I wanted. My whole goal was I wanted to go back to Washington, my hometown, and open a branch there. Well, I got through the whole program with them saying that was going to happen and then they said it wasn't going to happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so they sent me up in Eureka and Eureka was fine but I still wanted to get home and eventually I got a job from a local bank here that they wanted to open up their own, a wealth management investing firm, and they thought I was the guy for it. I'd had some success and I had to leave all those clients behind because Edward Jones owned them technically. And so I opened up this new firm and about a year in the head of that bank wasn't crazy about the direction and so we parted ways, and at that point I was like well, I guess I'm going to go look for a to work for a bank, maybe be a wholesaler.
Speaker 1:I was approached by a group in town. Don Means was the guy who founded the group. He started this in the fifties.
Speaker 2:And if you were anybody's?
Speaker 1:anybody. You had him as your advisor back in the day and they said, well, he's in his eighties, his son is in his late 50s and their newest guy, andy Beckerman, my current business partner was the young guy in his late 40s, so they were looking for somebody to come on.
Speaker 1:So I did and I got very lucky and after a couple of years Don Means, a legend in the industry. He retired and then his son retired in short order a couple of years later. So now it's just me and Andy Beckerman working for Wells Fargo. Two years ago we kind of got a little fed up with some of the Wells Fargo practices we weren't crazy about and started looking around.
Speaker 1:We eventually were able to go independent to the Wells Fargo Financial Network, which is essentially like saying we went from W-2 employees of Wells Fargo to being 1099 small business owners who use Wells Fargo's system and pay them for the pleasure. Yeah, and so we ended up moving over to that and now we have partnered with branches in Springfield, missouri, in Jefferson City, in Kansas City, missouri, and so we have branches all over the state and we're a company called Finteras Wealth Management, of which I'm one of the partners, company called Finteris Wealth Management, of which I'm one of the partners. So, in short order, I went from a W-2 employee two years ago who was you know we were managing good money, but now between Andy and I alone we manage about $480 million including your money.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you, your money's included in that number, always appreciate that it's a small portion, but it's a portion and we invest that money and do wealth management planning and life insurance and estate planning and things of that nature, work with people and companies. We have a lot of 401ks and things of that nature but essentially to just do wealth management and investment services for our book of clientele, finteras as a whole manages about $1.7, $1.8 billion. So it's all happened very fast and it's incredibly exciting for me.
Speaker 2:Anyways, I don't know how much of your listeners are going to get out of that story, but to your point, I went from not knowing a thing about finance post-college to being a partner in my own firm in, I guess, 10 years or a little more, and I feel like there's a lot to get out of that, in the sense that you see, like I said, we were just college kids, we didn't know what we were going to do and you really worked yourself to a right place. But it always starts with the person that's next to you, and it's Jamie. Jamie's incredible.
Speaker 1:I think she's phenomenal To tell you what I told the kids at the high school. I was like I'm very, very pleased with where I ended up. I own my own business. I can come and go as I please. The money is good, the ability to build something. I never thought I'd enjoy being a small business owner, but I liked the idea of building my own company. I've taken real ownership of that and really gone in with it. But could I have gotten here on a straighter, less bumpy? But could I have gotten here on a straighter, less bumpy, less chaotic ride? Yes, so many ways I could have done that that I did not. So I told them. I was like if you want to do something like this, or even if you have an inkling to, there's so many easier ways than the very roundabout, crazy way that I took to get here. Crazy way that I took to get here.
Speaker 2:The thing about you. I have two friends where you know I've always known what I wanted to do, just didn't have like the direct. I couldn't tell you, hey, I'm going to be living in Atlanta performing every weekend. I couldn't have told you that when I was in college. But I knew I wanted to be performing, I wanted to be out there moving and traveling. The one thing that you and Heath Heath knew he wanted to be a father. He knew where, he wanted to go back to his hometown. Like I always remember that about Heath and you also. You weren't very particular about what you were going to do, but I do remember when you were getting closer to the end of your college years and you were starting to think about the next moves, you were telling me, yeah, I'm going back to Washington, I'm going to be back home, I'm going to be in my hometown next moves. You were telling me, yeah, I'm going back to Washington.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be back home, I'm going to be in my hometown. That's the goal. Do your listeners really not know about the utopia 40 miles west of St Louis Washington, missouri, on the Missouri River, at the south point of the Missouri River, the very top of the Ozarks? That utopia? They don't know about that.
Speaker 2:The utopia. I will admit I've had some of my favorite beers ever in Washington, missouri.
Speaker 1:I will give you that with utopia as a stretch the reason, the reason I love Washington so much, and Jamie even told me that she goes because she grew up in in Washington, you know, lives right out. Her parents live right outside of town. Yeah, she said. You know I never really loved Washington, because what I really love is Washington the way Jeff sees it and I I understand that to be true. Now, for me it's special because not only are my family here my mom, my dad, my sister lives in town all my extended family, my grandma, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts, everyone's here. It's also a very tight knit, a small community that has the added blessing of, at least in the circles I travel in, as being very accepting. A lot of small towns you get that closed-minded atmosphere and there's certainly some of that here. There's some of that everywhere, there's no avoiding it. But at least the circles I travel in are very welcoming, very see outsiders as.
Speaker 1:Come on in, grab a beer tell us your story and we'll have a good time, and I just really like that atmosphere. Now, the older I get, the more of the outside world I certainly want to see, and Jamie's again the catalyst for that. She wants to travel, and so I'm sure we'll do that, but I'm just a big fan of my hometown, washington, missouri.
Speaker 2:And that's coming from you to a person who you know as a big fan of his hometown as well.
Speaker 1:You're a big hometown guy.
Speaker 2:I love Kirkwood, so I'm not hating, I don't think it's weird and every time I've gone to Washington it's been nothing but love and good times. So I agree with you. I see exactly what you're going to. The reason why I bring that up is just kind of vision. I think that's the idea of this show for me. Think that's the idea of this show for me when I thought I want to get Jeff on here. I just want to talk about his vision or the things that eventually happened. That may not have been in his vision, and the one thing that was always constant was in your vision of the future. Washington was going to be a part of that and you say it's because of the welcoming and the family and this and that. Is there anything else that really drew you back to going back home?
Speaker 1:Well, maybe not one of the more, I guess, appealing aspects to outsiders that comfort that knowing. My family's been around Washington for a very, very long time but my dad, he is a fixture in the community, not because he's got a lot of money, because they don't, but because I grew up in a strong volunteer family, don't, but because of I grew up in a strong volunteer family Knights of Columbus, the St Francis Borgia Athletic Association, tent committees, snow plowing, I mean you name it. If there was a volunteer group, that's where we spent most of our time. We didn't do a lot of vacations and stuff like that, but I don't think we had a weekend to go by where we all just sat around our house. It was always hey, we're going to work a chicken fry, we're going to work a sausage dinner, we're going to help this person set up tents or this committee do that. And so I was very, very deeply ingrained with that kind of community support at a young age and observing my mom and my dad just be in the community in every imaginable way. Dad now serves on the local city council and to this day remains steeply ingrained and I want to do what I can for this community.
Speaker 1:And I think that, because it was ingrained in me at such a young age, like you said, it was part of my vision. For, hey, I'd love to get back there and have that Now. I could have gone to Colorado or California or New York or Texas or somewhere else and probably still gotten that, but I knew it was here and I knew it was doable here. And not only that, but I'm related to about a third of the people here, so it'd make it especially easy. So I think what I was seeking was not so much Washington as the location, as it was a sense of camaraderie, a sense of community that was pre-baked, ready to go for me back in Washington. So that drive to get back here.
Speaker 1:I've always wanted to be around people. A lot of people are like, hey, nothing like being alone on a weekend with a good book or watching a show I want, or playing a video game or whatever it might be that leisure, but by alone, that's just never been me. I constantly. I see that very much in you as well. It may be the rare occasion when I want two seconds a piece, but for the most part if something's going on, regardless if I'm in the mood to go out or not. I'm going to want to be there. Some people call it FOMO or fear of missing out, but I just want to be out there, be with people, be a part of things, and I think that's a part of what drew me back as well.
Speaker 2:I feel like you and I have that in common in the sense that, you know, like the first year we moved here to Georgia, it was hard because, like you said, being able to know, hey, okay, when I go back home to St Louis, I got this, this, this, this, this that I'm going to do when I see these people, for some reason my head pushed me away from St Louis more, because I wanted to be able to say when I was an old man in bed, that was always the vision starter for me. When I'm an old man in bed, what will I want to be able to say I did and what I didn't do. And I didn't want to be able to say I didn't at least try, you know. And so going to different cities was always pushed into my brain, because my mother always said St Louis is always going to be here. You can always come back to St Louis, See the world do things that I couldn't do and that drove me out of St Louis.
Speaker 2:I was like I got to at least try. I at least got to go to LA and see if I like it. I got to at least go to Chicago and see if I would like it. I got to go to Atlanta and feel that atmosphere and so I eventually moved out and I think, for the vision question that I'm asking you, I couldn't have possibly thought that I would be where I am now because, honestly, I felt like as a performer, a theater major, a singer yes, I could try to sing and go to New York and travel, but St Louis was always the place. I knew that if I came home, I could do a show tomorrow and I can knock it out of the park and that's the way it could be. But for you to be in that place, I feel like we're kind of in that opposite, where you're like built this family and this culture in this city and now it's like, okay, I need to at least leave Missouri. You're at that place now leave Missouri.
Speaker 1:You're at that place now. First off, if you never went, if you never left Atlanta another day in your life, I'd still say you've had a well-traveled life. You've lived all over the damn place and I mean, I think, the only couple of times I've been out of the country where I went to Honduras for a mission trip in high school Gosh, that might've been the only time I was out of the country, and until recently I never even been to California, except for when we went for our friend's wedding. You and I or anywhere.
Speaker 2:So, yes, there's certainly traveling. I haven't. You went to the right part of California. There's not much other things you need to. I mean, if we were able to go to Yosemite, that would have been dope. If we were able to go to Yosemite, that would have been dope. If we were able to really travel and see the Golden Gate Bridge or different landmarks, that would be cool. But going to LA, going to San Diego, going to San Francisco, oakland, all of those big cities, sacramento is fun, but yeah it's not that great.
Speaker 1:Here's an example of my, I guess, one-track mind. We went to San Luis Obispo for our friend's wedding and it was gorgeous and it was awesome and everything about it was enjoyable. And so Jamie said well, hey, you know, next time we go to California, where do you want to go? Let's go back to San Luis Obispo. I know that's good. So I guess I just don't have that wonder of mindset People like you and Jamie and Adrian have where it's you know, oh, we want to go see this. I'm like yeah, I know I like that, so let's go do that. Now, I'm not opposed to Like Jamie is very much the wanderer mindset. She's like hey, what if we went to, you know, this island in the Bahamas? Yeah, sounds like fun. I just don't have necessarily that drive.
Speaker 1:But I also am not opposed to it. Some people again, who are settled into their small town lives they're very much like well, why would I want to leave? Well, I'm not like that. I want to leave for a variety of reasons.
Speaker 2:I just it doesn't occur to me to no for real and, like I said, that's why I want you to come to Atlanta. My family came in town for Christmas so we did our St Louis Christmas, december the 9th through the 12th. That was like our St Louis Christmas in Atlanta, and on that Monday we went to see the Hawks play against Denver and it was the first basketball game I'd ever seen someone get kicked out of the game. Trey Young got ejected out of that game and then Joker had a casual like 18-8-9, like he was close to a triple-double or I think he made like 20-something points and it was like Jeff would have loved every bit of this experience and that's something that you wouldn't have thought about If I could be in a game where a guy gets tossed out for fighting.
Speaker 1:That's my ideal game experience.
Speaker 2:Exactly. But it wasn't even for fighting. It was something stupid. It was something real dumb. We couldn't believe he got kicked out of the game. But those are the moments that I'm like I think Jeff would love that. You would have loved the restaurant we went to. Beforehand. Just being downtown, getting to see the skyline of the city, you're like, okay, this is cool, but it's a matter of getting you there. That's usually the thing.
Speaker 1:You name the time. As long as I can put it on the calendar, I'll be there.
Speaker 2:Jeff has been a mentor, road dog, co-worker, acting partner, reverend for my wedding, competitor, asshole and just a damn good friend. I keep in touch with a lot of folks from college and I believe that I believe that's just because we created something special down in Cape Girardeau. A lot of that magic was mixed up at 801 North Street. If I needed to stay anywhere, I could always sleep on the couch, I could cook dinner in the kitchen, I could escape the dorm life and hang with my friends and play Circle of Death or Mario Tennis on N64. Hang with my friends and play circle of death or Mario tennis on N64. We built a family and a home away from home and we still make time for each other, even with wives and children and distance between us. I have nothing but love and respect for Jeff taking me in. I look forward to making him get out of Missouri at some point for an international trip someday.
Speaker 2:Like would you grade your SEMO experience? High or low? How did you feel about SEMO? I always get mixed reviews from people from college. I feel like you and I we took the route opposite of other people people in the theater department. Either you were consistently in the theater department or on campus and you only stay with your SEMO people, or the route we took you went out and explored the city we lived in and actually became parts of the community and met people in the city and then you came back to SEMO and this and that. What would you grade your SEMO Cape Girardeau experience?
Speaker 1:We were definitely uniquely, you and I, in the minority category of hey, I'm not here just for what the theater department of Southeast Missouri State has to offer. I'm here for everything college has to offer. If that means going to hanging out at the frat parties during pledge week, even though no intention of pledging, if that means going to get in with the Buckner's Ragsdale's crew, which we both worked, and really becoming a part of that family and the community in Cape in general, I think you and I did that and we were still very much a part of the theater department and the theater family and we went to the parties and everything. But, like you said, I feel like we didn't close ourself off to any experience that maybe college had to offer and so, based on that, I had a good time in college. If somebody asked me hey, how's SEMA as a school? It was fine, it did great. It's. It's not something I'm super nostalgic about, but I also and again to any clients listening out there I'd certainly buckle down after, but I didn't take it that serious, I really didn't. And it's because you know, when you have jazz tap as a class, it's hard to be like, hey, I need to buckle down and the classes that I did need to buckle down in I did enough to get by and that's not great.
Speaker 1:But I've always had and my parents, jamie, everyone said I've always had the mentality that when it's work, when it's a job, when I'm being paid, I would absolutely excel at it. I just I feel like hard work wins out and if you show up and you do your job and you do a really good job at it whether that's pouring concrete, whether that's, you know, working at a bar, whether that's running a firm If you take pride in your work and work really hard at it, it's its own reward. And that was always the case for me, from my first job to my current job. But when it was schoolwork whether it be high school, college in high school I could kind of try and get A's. In college I could kind of try and get B's and C's and that was good enough. And again I didn't feel like I was wasting anything because the only I was paying to be there.
Speaker 1:And so I can't speak to its efficacy as a education institute because, again, I didn't take it as seriously as I should have, which is a point I'll be reinforcing with my own daughters. But as far as the college experience that SEMO and Cape Girardeau in general provided, I give it an A. I had a great time.
Speaker 2:I'm right there with you and see what you just said is so did I give it an? A? I had a great time. I'm right there with you and see what you just said is so, so true. When it comes to like the school aspect.
Speaker 2:I remember working at buckner's. The first couple of months I worked there, I, you know it was just a job, but then I started to really like the people and sell us really. He really liked me but he didn't feel like I was. You know, I didn't have his back. And I remember I went home to St Louis and I was working at my old job, pj's in Kirkwood, washing dishes and taking trash out and stuff. And then I came back to Buckner's and I noticed the big difference was I liked the people so much I didn't want to let them down. So I started to work a lot harder and I started to knock out things and I used to follow you and you and Sellis had a very common thing you would do, no matter how stressed we were, no matter how much stuff was going on, no matter how impossible the job was, if Sellis walked in the Ragsdales and you're working down there, you good, I'm good and I started, yeah, you couldn't admit that everything wasn't good that doesn't compute.
Speaker 2:And I continued. I saw that and I didn't do it at first. At first I was like I need your help and he didn't. I mean he would help, but in his head he was like is he really trying or is he made for this? And eventually I got to the point where I was like I'm good man, I'm good man, I'm good, and it could be swamped. And he was like I saw that and then I was like, okay, he's on board, he's doing what we're doing, and that was important to me.
Speaker 2:But once again, going back to the school element of it, I didn't have anybody who went to college. I didn't know what college was. I didn't understand that when I left college, the biggest aspect of college truly should be the networking part of it. When you go to college, when you leave, the people you went to college are doing the things that you're doing in the same field. You want to communicate with them, you want to work with them, you want to push through the future and create with them in the field that you went to college for. That's what college is for. It's not about learning and stuff. I mean, yes, you're going to learn to do things better but really certain papers are making sure that you're going to learn how to present things correctly I think the best thing I learned as a theater major.
Speaker 2:When I first started. I went to an audition in jean shorts and a t-shirt and I sang a song from the Wizard of Oz and did a monologue from the water boy and it was a horrible audition. A horrible audition, but I still got the role. But by the end of my college experience I had a suit on or I wore an outfit that made sense for the audition. I understood that the biggest thing about the audition is me. I am selling me. So when I get up there, my name is Dominique and I am here to do this.
Speaker 2:They need to know who I was. They need to hear who I was. They need to hear who I was. They need to believe I had the confidence to achieve whatever they wanted me to achieve.
Speaker 2:And taking that from college was the biggest reward I could have as a performer. But the second biggest thing would have been hey, I know this guy that's doing this movie. I'm going to send him my resume. Hey, yo man, I would love to work with you again and he'll be like oh man, we did this show in college together. You were great. Yes, I want you to be in that. That's something you really couldn't get from Simo. I should have went to somewhere like Michigan or Juilliard or Pace University, something like that would have helped out a lot more towards the goal. But even with that being said, simo was cool. Well, like you said, I just I didn't look at it like it was this important thing. I came in, I did my work. I did really well in my major Other classes, like college algebra. I hated the guy who taught my college algebra class. I talked so much trash to him throughout that semester. I'm surprised I wasn't kicked out of that class, truly because I didn't care about it.
Speaker 1:I was like he's listening at home right now going.
Speaker 2:Tom didn't like me. I can guarantee you this dude does not care whatsoever about anything I'm talking about right now. If he was able to get on a computer and listen to this because I don't even think he would read books he would smoke cigarettes and drink coffee. That's all that dude did. That's why I used to make fun of him all the time, because it was obvious he was very opposite of me. But the reason why I bring all the SEMO stuff up is because, like I said, I always have these different visuals of it. But the one thing I felt about it was I enjoyed my experience in Cape Girardeau. To this day, when I go back to Cape, it's not hard for me to find things to do or to go places, because I truly appreciated the full world that was Cape Girardeau. You just was recently back for a wedding. How do you feel when you go back to Cape? Like what does it feel like when you go back to Cape yourself?
Speaker 1:I get that same, a very, very watered-down version of what I get when I'm in Washington, where, hey, I know this area, I know that area, I know this establishment. I still have connections there and, even though it's changed, I get that comforting feeling of community.
Speaker 1:I don't have the same level of connection to it that I have to my hometown, but again, I lived there for long enough and I worked in the community and I went to school in the community. That there's certainly I have a positive feeling about Cape Girardeau. Now, that being said, I also know it's a rougher side too. So it's not somewhere like I'd advertise as telling people like hey, you should definitely go down there and spend a weekend because it means something different to me than it would to somebody coming in from the outside or going there as a tourist destination. But no, I still have very positive feelings for Cape Girardeau.
Speaker 2:See my big thing about Cape. I was recently there and I saw a friend that we went to school with and hung out with him and his son and I told him when I was leaving you know, being in Georgia is great but performance wise, there's nowhere in Georgia that I care about as much as I did the River Campus, the performing venues I did there, the people I performed. For that's hard, because when I come back to Cape I feel that energy. I can walk around the Bedell, I can walk around the theater, I can feel the nights that I stayed in those rooms. Or when I go to walk past Buckner's, because you can't really go into Buckner's or Lodo or Port Cape.
Speaker 2:These places that I used to just sing and gig in, like those places, are places that I, when I'm thinking about doing shows, I want to go back and perform there, but I know it's not the same. But in my head I'm like man, I miss that. I miss that so much, that feeling I used to get and the appreciation I have for the space For you. What do you miss most about Cape College, just that time of our life? What do you miss? What do you sit down like? You might not sit down and think every day oh my God, I wish I was back there. But like what is something that, when you actually get a chance to reminisce about it, what do you miss the most?
Speaker 1:Well, first of all, the people, the kind of camaraderie. But that being not something you can recreate now, I did last time when we were down there I missed getting behind the bar and working behind the bar and seeing all the people, because, essentially, you've got every mixed bag.
Speaker 1:You've got people coming in after work to have a beer, you've got people who are students who are just going to blow off steam, you have parties, birthdays, you have every single thing under the sun and you get to be an observer, of course from a distance. And I so I really did like that aspect, which I get to a much deeper level in my current job, helping clients with their goals and everything, but that kind of aspect of having the whole community just kind of revolve around, instead of you having to walk through community to experience it all, it comes to you and experiences itself all around you. And especially, you know, the bar I worked at was a was a round bar.
Speaker 1:So in the literal sense it was all around me yeah and uh and I liked that aspect of it. I like and not to mention. You know. Now, with a wife, two kids and a small business, it's sometimes nice to remember back when, hey, my only responsibility is to clean these glasses, make drinks and get home to my empty fridge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, my God, I think. Once a bartender, always a bartender, that's something that I'll never be able to shake, that part of my personality. I go to a party tonight. Adrian's folks are going to come over, we're going to make dinner and we're going to have red beans and rice and all this stuff. It's going to be very hard for me to get through tonight without making at least one drink for somebody. Someone's going to be like I want you to make that gimlet for me. That martini, I do miss that.
Speaker 2:I tell people all the time if I ever own a bar, I'm going to pick one Friday every month and I'll go in that Friday. I don't have to do any side work because I own the place. I'm going to pay someone to do the side work, to stock up the bar, have it ready and cleaned up for me, and then I'll come and I'll serve drinks, I'll make tips and I'll give the tips to the other, the wait staff, and I just want to have the creating drinks and the conversation. I miss that element of bartending I miss.
Speaker 2:In Cape I had this guy would come into Buckner's every Tuesday. It was the night before karaoke. He would always sit at the bar. He would just talk about his marriage and his divorce eventually, because he did get divorced and I remember being this kid I'm 22, giving this dude marriage advice at Buckner's and it was just like how does this even make sense? But that was my job and people really appreciated my words and the things that I could say for them and I felt needed or wanted I guess that's the way to look at it and it was so, so cool.
Speaker 2:It was a great experience, so that even from there to when I moved to Chicago, to LA, you know, bartending in LA and Chicago was nothing like bartending in Cape for me and I truly felt like I was a part of that community. And the people recognize me, people knew me, you know, you and I of course had the pleasure of working with Marcellus God rest his soul and he was a local celebrity. So if they knew Celis, they more than likely saw us with them eventually because we were always with them. Bartenders in all of cape girardeau. I remember, like it was yesterday, it was me, there was sellas and there was a guy who worked down in mixing tent and that was it, and so people recognize me as one of the bartenders and I remember we would go to the pony or the hush puppy and they'll announce oh, dom and sellas, what's up, man, it's good to see exactly it was.
Speaker 1:It was mini fame yes, yes, yes, yes, nice knowing everybody on the scene is, is there's a no feeling quite like it no, no. You want to go somewhere where everybody knows your name, that's true, it's mimicked in a lot of movies, tv, books, whatever any kind of fiction. It's mimicked to where you see, hey, he walks in and everybody knows his name. They shake his hand, they pat him on the back.
Speaker 1:And I don't know how many people in real life get to experience that and similar to like what you're saying. I don't know if it was the fact that we were bartenders or the fact that we were near Sellis, in his orbit, for most of college there, but that feeling was definitely prevalent in Cape Girardeau and that feeling of community is hey, what if you went in to whether it's the pony or the hush puppy or any of the other bars downtown or anything like that?
Speaker 1:you got slapped on the back and a shake of the hands and hey you owe me five bucks in the game and it was automatically there and that that's just a warm feeling that is really hard to mimic and in any other situation you can't get that just a quick fix and automatic.
Speaker 2:It takes time to build it yeah, how many darts do you play nowadays?
Speaker 1:you playing darts still I was playing darts in a league a couple years ago, yeah, but with the kids I backed off a lot of the extracurricular leagues and stuff like that. Yeah, I fully expect, when they're old enough, that they don't want me around anymore or I don't need to watch them. Are they not old enough already to not, you wonder?
Speaker 2:I feel like they don't want me around anymore or I don't need to watch them. Are they not old enough already to not? You want to. I feel like they don't want you.
Speaker 1:They don't want me around now, but it's legally, it's against the law for me to leave them alone. So I have to stick around. But as soon as, just as soon as they're able to to stay on their own, I can certainly see myself getting back out there and joining another dart league or golf or in the horseshoes, all that kind of stuff. But I, while I did that briefly when we were back in town as a, as a newly married couple, as soon as we started having kids, I was like, yeah, maybe need to pull back on that a little bit and, and you know, raise my children.
Speaker 2:We went to Clearwater, florida, for family vacation a couple of years ago it wasn't last year, it was a couple of years ago. It wasn't last year, it was a couple of years ago and I was playing against my best friend, chris, and my uncle, kevin, and, or it was Valencia. So it was a group of us playing and Kevin started talking trash immediately and I was like, wait a minute, I guess he don't know who he is. I'm, like you know, like we used to play darts every night. Almost it was either a play a night you know.
Speaker 2:So I'm like, okay, let me, let me actually play really quick. So I was losing up to that point just because I was playing around, thinking we were having fun. But he like started to. He used to talk. He was talking like I think I'm just an old man here, huh. And I was like I guess I gotta let him know he is an old man, let's get down to the business. And I like came back and I beat him. I lost the game, but I at least beat him and I was like you don't know who you.
Speaker 1:I was so excited and it just reminded me of kate but your listeners know that we were the probably the two most competitive, by a large margin of anyone else in the theater department. Not that there was a whole lot of competition, but the competitive nature we both had all throughout college has and since, has been incredibly prevalent, and especially when you compare it to most people in the theater department who could not care less about sports or darts or pool or anything competitive.
Speaker 2:We stood out as the two people who were incredibly competitive during college I changed my major from music education to musical theater, and at southeast missouri state university when I was a student, most music majors received a senior recital as a final exam kind of thing, but theater majors didn't get anything like that by the end of my career. There we had like Class Voice 3 recital, but it was totally different. I was so excited for my recital that by my senior year I was doing one no matter what. So one of my special guests to my senior cabaret was the newly graduated Jeff Omeyer. He dressed up as Dean Martin and I was Sammy Davis Jr and we sang the classic Sam song. He actually received the biggest applause during the event, of course, and the campus was a tri-campus, so Jeff sang with a glass of Jack Daniels.
Speaker 2:Can't get better than that. If you want to hear some more of my music, you can check me out on all streaming platforms and check me out for more information at DonLemorecom, where you can get everything Don Lemore is calling guitar. It's a sad, sad song. It's a sad, sad song.
Speaker 2:It's a sad, sad song. It's a sad, sad song. My nice, my friend, we appreciate it's simply not safe to plan. Sad is not bad. I hear what you say, but by bet you mean what you do. But your way of keep calling is sad. It's easy, as ever. Let's see if we can be alright. You mean what you do with your wing. You call it falling in love. I can't see it ever. Let's meet in your eye and don't nobody just lie. It's a song, it's a theme song. It's a song. It's a song. It's a song.
Speaker 2:I don't think I really had this conversation on the pod and I think it's important and it's exciting to talk to someone like you who has truly gone through this change, the sacrifice of being married and having kids and actually building a life outside of college, outside of your career, just your family. How do you feel that has changed you as a person, as a businessman and, just like you said, as a father and husband, the things that you kind of have to put behind you? How has that changed your personality and is it something that you kind of miss, or do you not even think about it? You just do it because you know you're supposed to.
Speaker 1:Well, that's an excellent way to put it the sacrifice, if you want to call it that, and I think it's a good word for it. Yes, it's a sacrifice because you're giving up certain aspects of your life. You're giving up doing whatever you want whenever you want. You're sheer joy that you experience from first sharing your life with someone else, someone you love, and you know all about that. Also, the sheer joy you get from having kids and raising kids and my daughters are four and seven and my four year old still, whenever I get home, will run to me and leap into my arms.
Speaker 1:And I've always kind of made a point, but especially in seeing my seven year old, not again, not that she isn't happy to see me, but she's just starting to lose that kind of like childlike oh daddy, like you're the best, you can do no wrong.
Speaker 1:And so now, especially when my four year old, I'm like I'm just going to hold onto this for as long as humanly possible because I know it's fleeting.
Speaker 1:But now the changes that you have to make are, you know, whether you want to or not, we're all incredibly selfish beings up until and for some people, well past. When you choose to, hey, I'm going to spend my life with this person. Now, it's not about just me, it's a me and this other person, my, my spouse, my partner, whatever it may be. And then, after that fact, when you two decide to bring another life into this world, now it's not about, hey, it's what's best for me and what's best for you, it's all about what's best for that little person, yeah, and I, I'd like to tell you that, oh, it's takes a lot of work and to a degree it doesn't, but it's, it doesn't feel like work. It's not something you think about. Uh, at least for me, and I should just speak to how I feel. But it wasn't hard. It's not hard to sacrifice something for your kid, because it's as natural as breathing.
Speaker 2:It just happens you have a kid this kid needs X, y or Z.
Speaker 1:Therefore, you provide X, y or Z and it's as it's as natural as breathing in and breathing out that love you feel for them. And I wish I could say I know what everyone else feels, but I can just speak to my own experience. That's very much how it's been for us. Yes, there's times when it's incredibly frustrating and, you know, especially early on.
Speaker 1:I haven't had sleep, I can't even take care of myself, because I'm always worried about this baby and those are frustrating, can't even take care of myself because I'm always worried about this baby and those are frustrating. But I don't remember and this could be the warm glow of thinking back I don't remember ever thinking like, oh, I regret having kids. That's never been a concept for me. I just they're so wonderful and they provide so much happiness to me and their mother that it's just never been a something. I consider it's a little bit of a cheesy answer, but it's the honest truth, in that what you're giving up seems so minuscule compared to what you're getting, and so all I can say is that, yes, there are sacrifices, but there's sacrifices that, after experiencing raising a child, I can't imagine anyone not being willing to make those sacrifices all over again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like more and more, especially now that I don't have kids yet. I get this conversation from people where, no matter what, it's always worth it kind of thing. You usually hear that cliche. I wish I had a better explanation. Yeah, but it's the same thing. You hear it and it's one of those things where it's just like. I mean, it's just that's what it is. So it's cool to hear that response because, like I said, I do recall Growing up with you and seeing the different things that we were going through and and to be where we are now both of us. I mean, we're miles ahead of where we were, which you should be, but you'd be surprised how many people haven't changed. You'd be surprised how many people stay in that lane or even have kids and they still act the same. They don't really care that their kids are there and it's like I said, I'm just proud of you, man. It's just really refreshing to see everything.
Speaker 1:I got to say, speaking to our, our time spent together in college. Thank God social media wasn't as prevalent then as it is now, or it's very. You know. It's entirely possible I wouldn't have this job, so, thank God that the only thing was Facebook and this brand new and oh, I have my flip phone and maybe, oh, look, it's got a camera. Thank God, that was the era in which we grew up, right before, because now I don't know.
Speaker 2:No, not at all. I. I truly believe if I ever get to a place where people are like this guy's famous I know this guy something on facebook will come back, something I think. I know what it is, but I'm never going to reveal it on the pod until it happens.
Speaker 2:And then I was going to have to be like you know, I was in college and I was a child and I was stupid. That's how it goes. But yeah, what you're saying is so true, because there's way more stuff that would have been recorded. Now, seeing that TikTok is literally, you have to put three posts up a day and people are constantly trying to put more content on and trying to reveal their lives day, and people are constantly trying to put more content on and trying to reveal their lives. And then Snapchat is this crazy app concept that was created to send provocative pictures to other people. There's no other reason for that app. Send dirty pics and they won't stay on your phone forever. Here you go. Here's an app so you can do do that, and luckily we did not have that stuff there, because there would be so much evidence if I ever decided to run for any kind of political office, any competitor I might be like okay, let's find some dirt.
Speaker 1:Oh, there's the dirt, and there it is, and there's some more. Like it wouldn't be hard, they're not have to dig for skeletons, they just have to barely do a tertiary glance yeah find it, I'm going to be very happy, just not stepping into the public eye.
Speaker 2:It's so true, dude, I hate it so much. I have been doing a lot better. This year has been great, just the start of the year of being able to focus on the pod and do something that I love. I really love this One because I get to talk to people like you and catch up and really speak on things that we really don't get to talk about. You and I we've had these kinds of conversations before, but still, you know, digging a little deeper and diving into the lives that we've carved out for ourselves is something that we don't normally get to do, so I think the only thing that differs this from a lot of our conversations are two things.
Speaker 1:Number one only one of us is drinking. That's problematic. But number two I think it's the first time we recorded it, yeah, other than that, you could plug this conversation into any one of a dozen two dozen conversations we've had drinking together.
Speaker 2:No for sure. See, you just were at Audrey's wedding, which I'm really heartbroken. I couldn't be there, Cause I felt like that was one of those moments where I remember when Buckner's closed and I couldn't come back for the last week, and you, you came back and I still remember the pictures and I remember you saying, like what you just said earlier, where you like, I wish I could go bartend once, while that was one of those times where you came back and they were like yo, we're understaffed, you just jumped behind the bar and I know that if I was there it would have been the same thing. And so, not being there for that, not being there for Audrey, in a way, this is the sacrifice that I'm kind of going through. That answers the question I asked you earlier where most of my free time this week is a great example.
Speaker 2:I don't sing at a wedding this weekend, so I'm home, which is not normal. I'm usually either in North Carolina, south Carolina, alabama. I'm usually somewhere else on Saturday, but seeing that I'm home, there's no, okay, let's run to St Louis real quick, let's do this. It's like nope. My wife gets first priority and Adrienne wants to be home, she wants to go on a hike, she wants to do this, she wants to do that, and that's immediately the first thing it's like okay, whatever else could have happened, unless it's career-wise, I can discuss that with her. If it's career-wise and even in those scenarios, she usually sometimes be like you know what, I don't care, I just want you here and that's important. That's. That's something that changed everything for me. And not going to those events, not being able to be there, kind of it breaks my heart a lot. But then also it's like I'm, you know, I'm a performer, this is the career I chose.
Speaker 1:I work on that, you have the uh, the priority straight. Right now your priorities are Adrian, then career, then everything else and then everything else exactly.
Speaker 2:And it's kind of mind-blowing just to think about where I was in college. I remember telling people, you know the homie would be like, oh well, what about this girl? And I'm like she's cool and all you know, we'll see what happens. You know, like that was kind of the mentality. But then, you know, I was dating a girl you know Nicole. I was dating Nicole in college and I was about to graduate. Then I was working there for a little bit and I just had a conversation with Alex Clear. He was like yeah, we're looking to get one more roommate in Chicago and split decision. I was like I moved to Chicago, that's cool. I was dating someone. When I did that, you know, like, and I didn't even consider her feelings, I was like, oh, I moved to Chicago, that's cool. I was dating someone. When I did that and I didn't even consider her feelings, I didn't consider what she would think. I was like no, I'm going to Chicago, baby, that's what it is.
Speaker 2:And to see me now oh my God, dude, you want to believe that you made the right choices. You want to believe that when you talk to your kids or the people that you inspire, hey, this is the choice I made and it was the right choice. But you grow older and you realize that, like you said, we're very selfish people growing up and in many ways we should be Because once again, when you get to the places where we are now, that sacrifice hit and you're like, oh, oh, snaps, if this was me five, ten years ago, this wouldn't happen.
Speaker 1:It's not really a sacrifice if there's nothing to give up.
Speaker 2:Exactly Indeed and I'm just very happy where I am. I'm happy where you are. It's just so cool to be able to just sit back and reminisce with people like you and see where we have come and then also anticipate the future. I, of all people I constantly tell myself, is just pinching myself constantly, like I was in Tokyo and I got to eat ramen food on on the streets of Kyoto and I got to go to get a Guinness in Ireland at a pub that's next to St Patrick's Cathedral, like that's incredible stuff, just to be able to rattle off. And a lot of the things that I would have done then aren't even in my mind anymore. And I assume that's the same with you and all I can do is I got this Glen Levin 14, like I said, I can. Cheers you to all the things. All your success. I'm very happy for you.
Speaker 1:Thanks very much. I appreciate it. Likewise, you know how proud I am of you. I've said it on multiple occasions, once even sober, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you're sober. Yeah, Very proud, all of us are. Not the last time to be sure you had a little drinks last time. I appreciate your time, I appreciate you, and at the end of every episode I always ask the same question we've gotten through everything we wanted to. The only question I have now is how do you feel?
Speaker 1:I feel pretty darn good. I'm content, that's the word.
Speaker 2:I'm content. That's a good time. I like that. That's good, short, sweet, just like Jeff. Cheers to you, man, appreciate you. I want to thank you for listening to the black man talking emotions podcast. The open and quote credit goes to Henry Ford. And shout out to Jeff for being on the pod. Follow him at J E, f, f. Underscore H O L, t, m E I E R on Instagram. Please subscribe to the podcast, share the podcast and give us a good rating. Five stars, please, and thank you. You can support the show by clicking the link at the bottom of the episode description. Also, tell me your stories about these subjects at D O M L. Underscore a M O U R on Instagram or at DomLamorecom. I'm Dom Lamore, much love.